Unnecessary Baby Products – Part 2
 
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I wrote an article a few months ago about baby products that I thought were pretty much useless. The products I listed were included mostly because I thought they could be replaced with cheaper alternatives. I wrote the article from the perspective of a person trying to save money. Today’s article takes a slightly different position. These products are completely useless. There are no cheaper alternatives because the ideas themselves are dumb. These products stand by themselves as monuments to entrepreneurism taken one step too far. I haven’t included some of the really audacious examples of stupid and useless baby products. Those can be found elsewhere. Here is a list of products that some parents take seriously but that are, in reality, completely useless.     Â
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Positioners     Â
Stupid doesn’t even begin to describe these things.  Babies don’t start rolling over from back to front until they are 4-6 months old.  They can roll front to back earlier, at around 2 months, but that’s irrelevant.  Why would someone buy a product to prevent something that nature prevents by itself? Besides, if a kid can roll over he can pretty easily roll right out of this contraption.  If he can’t roll over then the device is unnecessary in the first place. Duh.     Â
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Baby Bath Tubs and Seats  Â
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If I was really bent on wasting money I would buy one of these things. Otherwise I would use my hands to hold my baby in the bath tub.  Baby bath tubs and bath seats are placed either in a regular bath tub or are bath tubs unto themselves but meant for babies. Either way they’re ridiculous. I used to shower with my boys. I’m no Randy Moss or anything, but I think I’m capable of hanging onto a baby as long as it isn’t passed to me from 50 yards away. Also, I already have a bucket I use to wash the car.  If I did want the extra protection, a regular bucket is about the same thing.     Â
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Shopping Cart Protectors     Â
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Who the hell has time for this thing? A lot of people will say it is necessary because of germs and bacteria on the cart. Has anybody ever heard of disinfectant wipes? I’m not averse to having a clean environment, but this is going too far. I used to carry a little package of wipes around with me for times when I saw something that didn’t look sanitary.  I never considered a shopping cart cover. Also, I never spend more than 20 minutes shopping. That’s hardly enough time to warrant installing a protector. And another thing. Who, in their right mind, would subject themselves to the sheer embarrassment of being seen with one of these? It screams overprotective.      Â
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Baby Shoes     Â
I’m guilty as charged.  I bought my kids baby shoes because I thought they looked cool. They’re useless though. When my boys started walking they stopped wearing shoes and ran around barefoot. In hind-sight that’s pretty funny.  I knew all I needed for them was some nice warm socks, but I went in for the shoes instead simply because of the fashion. It was unnecessary, and I probably wasted hundreds of dollars on them.     Â
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The Leash    Â
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I’m sure leashes work wonderfully. They work for my miniature schnauzer. Why not for the kid, too? It is not actually a baby product but it is nevertheless humiliating enough to warrant mention. Maybe my plea to not ever subject a child to the embarrassment of a leash will fall on the ears of parents who might, in the future, consider a leash. The fact that leashes work to keep kids under control does not justify their use.  Be a normal human being and run after escaping children like everyone else through history has had to do. Get in shape and don’t be a lazy fool with a leashed child.     Â
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Baby Einstein Anything     Â
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Maybe you’ve heard about the research that some University guys did concerning the efficacy of Baby Einstein Videos on kids’ brains. Apparently, for every hour a kid sits in front of a Baby Einstein or other baby type video they learn 6 to 8 fewer vocabulary words than babies who don’t.  I’ve watched a few baby videos in my day. The videos, especially Baby Einstein videos, use dumbed down language and silly antics to capture babies’ attention. They are not educational. Here’s an idea. Have a one sided conversation with Johnny so he can learn some real vocabulary.  If nothing else it’s good public speaking practice. In other news, baby Einstein products have been found with lead.  The consumerist has the scoop.      Â
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These baby products go beyond dumb. All of them are wastes of money. The Baby Einstein videos are not only silly; they are counterproductive (University of Washington research). Leashes and shopping cart protectors are humiliating to be seen with.  Baby shoes, positioners, and little bath tubs are just a waste of money because they provide no value; there is nothing about them that does a baby any good. God gave me two hands. I ought to use them to hang onto my kids. God gave me a mouth with which to speak. I should talk to my kids instead of plunking them in front of a TV while I chat with my buddy on the phone. Sometimes our society goes too far in its effort to bilk itself out of hard earned cash. Marketers have a vested interest in keeping consumers dependent.  They do it by promoting paranoia. Shopping cart protectors so our kids don’t die of SIDS, cart covers so our kids don’t die of bacteria, and leashes so they don’t run into traffic – and die. I’m guilty of the sin of image. Businesses know that human beings are image conscious by nature. My kids had no need for shoes at 2 months. I must have seen a convincing commercial at some point.  That’s how it starts. Before we know it your basement will be loaded with stupid crap that never gets used.
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Informative and funny.
Leashes aren’t a new idea, until about 100 years ago, little kids had “leading strings” sewn to all their clothes which were used exactly the same way. I’d rather have my kid be safe & (highly unlikely) embarassed than injured or dead because they managed to get away from me. I only use one when a kid doesn’t want to be worn/in the stroller, but is still too young to ‘get’ traffic safety, about 15months-2 1/2 years for my kids.
Fine, so they aren’t new. They’re still stupid. Thanks for the history lesson, but I’m sticking stupid baby product angle.
“but is still too young to ‘get’ traffic safety, about 15months-2 1/2 years for my kids.”
Why would you allow your children near traffic anyways?.. Not stupid baby product, stupid parent…
Thanks for the comment, Kody! You’re right. No excuse for being an irresponsible parent. Some baby products are just expressions of how we parent. I guess there is money to be made in these things; but they are still silly
I agree with the items on this list as well – especially the Baby Einstein/Baby Genius products.
Other items I might add to this list:
* hooded towels
* baby bath robes
* baby powder
* nursery decor
* infant car seat
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Stephanie, Thanks so much for visiting. I like your additions to the list! I have never used baby powder, I don’t even know what it’s for. That’s a great one I wouldn’t have thought of. We had hooded towels for the kids, but they never actually got used for towels; they were capes! So, yeah — nice
I just saw this in the news, and had to post it here, since I had read it here not too long ago. In regards to Baby Einstain vids:
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-great-baby-einstein-scam-531147/
Not a big surprise though….
As someone who actually remembers wearing a leash I can tell you they are humiliating!!!
I remember having a very logical thought as a small child: If I got on all fours and barked like a dog my mom would take it off….and that she did!
Thank you, Angel, for reading. I had the same impression when writing this. If parents put these things on their kids then they must, at least subconsciously, expect them to act like pets. Glad to hear you had a plan to get it off!
.., lol.. i love the baby with mustache,,, nice post,,, informative…
I agree with most of your list, but I do like the “leash” (safety harness) for some situations. People who say they would “never” use one have never had a runner. If you have a toddler who loves to explore (and has a tendency to dart away at a moment’s notice) they can be a lifesaver, literally. They are less restraining than a stroller or sling, have a longer range (and thus give the toddler more independence) than holding hands, and keep the toddler within a safe distance. I can’t imagine using one all the time, but in a crowded place like DisneyWorld or a carnival, with certain kids, definitely.
I’d also add to your list– in most situations (at least for SAHMs), bottles are not necessary.
Hi, Rachel. Thanks for visiting, and thank you for the contribution
Actually, my older boy is a runner. Fortunately though I’m quick (I ran track at the University of Oklahoma). I tend to think that unless a parent is just obscenely obese or an invalid there should be no reason they can’t catch a small child. When the kid starts getting old enough to actually possibly evade capture (maybe 5 or so) the leash is by that point out of the question. I’m sticking with my assertion that it is always a stupid item to have. I can safely say “never” and I do have a runner.
I think that baby tubs can be useful if you have ever come across the challenge of bathing a little wriggly and slippery baby in water. Provided they meet safety issues, they are fine.
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Wow Im sorry to say just bc u think they are stupid doesnt mean every one else has to. We got it u dont like leashes but each to their own ya know. Oh and the baby seats are awesome! Oh and using a leash (not that I ever had to so far) does not make u a lazy parent thats just what this ONE guy thinks.
Amanda: Of course it’s what one guy thinks. DUH. I think leashes are stupid just like I think everything else I wrote. What am I supposed to do, write YOUR opinions instead? That would be pretty stupid, wouldn’t it? It would make me psychic though, and that, admittedly, would be pretty cool. You can write your own blog if you’d like where your opinions get top billing. And, yeah — I think leashes make you a lazy parent. There, I said it again. See how that works? I state my opinion, and you can agree or disagree — respectfully. You’re really so shocked that someone else has a different opinion? You said “Wow” as if it’s super uncommon for people to think differently. Maybe you don’t get out much.
You’re welcome to think what you want and state your opinion, but don’t get all huffy about it.
”Super dad ” lol I am not huffy but thanks for ur opinion yet again. I was respectfully disagreeing with urs. All I am saying is that just bc u say it doesnt make it true. Oh and another thing u were respectfully wrong about was the baby back sleeper. Babies do not roll at 2 months (for the most part) and when they do its from their back to the belly first. So before u go all opinion post crazy maybe u should do some more research or have actually spent some time with ur own babies to know this. I do know this for a fact bc I have 2 of my own and have worked in the hospital nicu for 8 yrs. and around babies all my life. So have a respectfully great evening =))
Amanda: Babies do flip from front to back as early as 2 months (Dr. Sears). Mine did – I even recorded it in his baby book if you’d like a scan of it (that’s rhetorical. I’m not actually going to post a scan of his baby book — still, it’s there). It takes them longer to go back to front though. You might want to look that up because you’re dead wrong. For someone who’s been around babies so much, that seems like a pretty basic thing to screw up. Seriously, look it up! I’ve been a stay at home dad since my second son was born (first one was 17 months when I started), and I’ve been at it for 6 years. I spend all day, every day with my kids. This is not an opinion about the babies going from belly to back, Amanda. This is stone cold fact. I think they need to put you in remedial training.
Actually it is not a stone cold fact I have 2 kids of my own growing at the perfect rate even ahead of some and my newest is only 6 months and she rolls from back to belly and had just recently started going from belly to back. I have on a daily basis watched kids from a min old in the nicu and the main nursery till they were up to a yr old depending on the situation and hardly ever do they go from belly to back after already turning over themselves. I am not going off what I read from yet another guy I see it every day with my own eyes. I am done reading your replys I dont like your blog u are very incorrect.
Amanda: That’s fine. I just wish you’d go through the minor little effort of actually looking it up. Don’t know why your experience is so different from mine. Maybe you live in opposite land. But, you’re clinging to this idea, I can see, so you go ahead and do that.
Keith- Im only going off what I see not what I read and its not possible for it to be a stone cold fact just for the stone cold fact that every baby is different. I do not live in opposite land maybe thats u =)) I work with babies everyday! I have 2 of my own! I see what I see! It takes more strength and muscle for a baby to roll over from back to belly so maybe my babies and the babies I have worked with are just stronger than most? Dunno but im sticking with what I see… okay good day!
Amanda: It actually is a stone cold fact that the typical behavior for babies is to go from belly to back first. Ask any pediatrician (who have seen more babies than you). Ask any other parent. It’s just true. I’m sorry you can’t admit you were wrong. I didn’t just read this in a book. This is common knowledge.
No it is not. I work with these pediatricians everyday and I just decided to ask one while she was in today and she says no its not a fact she agrees that every baby is different and that you shouldnt have ur own blog bc u have no idea what u are talking about. Heres my opinion U are the lazy one mr stay at home daddy! U should be supporting ur children not sleeping till noon sitting on ur butt acting like ur doing something important by playing on the computer all day. Parents with leashes arent lazy u are! I work with my own children every single day and 100s of others wkly so I do know what I am talking about I am sorry u can not admit that u are the one who is wrong.
Amanda: maybe you didn’t listen. It is absolutely true that most babies turn from front to back first. Take 100 babies, and most of them will go front to back first. Of course every baby is different. I never suggested otherwise. But, what you’re saying is just wrong. And, no, you didn’t ask a pediatrician; you shouldn’t lie about stupid stuff like that. The only reason I didn’t disallow your post here, is that I think it’s so funny. You’re getting yourself all bunched up about my opinion and a few solid facts? That’s amazing. You’re calling me names, too? I’m not just playing on the internet, Amanda. I support my family by making money on the internet. Why don’t you make your own blog, make some money at it, and then tell me I’m being lazy. Oh, wait, you’re a troll so of course you wouldn’t do that
. I see I’ve rilled you up so much that despite your previous claim that you’re never to coming back — YOU’RE BACK! Yay, for customer retention!
You have such compelling arguments. “Parents with leashes aren’t lazy u are!” HAHA! That has so much reasoning in it that I just can’t respond.
Just wondering what you would do then when you have two 3 year old children holding your hand out walking down the road and one of them suddenly decides to pull out of your hand and dash towards the road?
Do you
A. leave one toddler standing there on their own while you run off after the other?
B. Drag the 2nd toddler along most likely by this time on their butt while you run off after the other?
C. try to grab the 2nd toddler up in your arms to run after the first waisting time while the 1st child is getting hit by a car?
D. have a safety harness on both of them wrapped around your wrist so if either of them suddenly pull away they dont get anywhere near the road?
It can happen in a split second and I have seen way to many children suddenly pull free of the adult and run out towards a road my nephew is one of them.
Luckely I had a harness on him and had it wrapped around my wrist while still holding his hand, if I hadnt it doesnt bare thinking about.
Ill take “embarrassing item” over a dead child any day.
Now I have a son of my own he will also wear one for safety.
Smokey: Why do I only have those 4 options? Neither of my kids would have mindlessly run into the street in the first place because, from the time they were able to walk, they knew the dangers of cars and were taught well not to dart away. And, lets say one of them, just for giggles, did get away from me. I would immediately feel the hand pulling away from mine, and the kid wouldn’t get 3 inches before I wrapped him up. A third option: I have a voice that would stop a linebacker If I need to employ it. I have tons of practice chasing my kids in non street environments. When the boys were finally able to sort of slip past me, they were easily smart enough and old enough to not need a harness anyway. I think your proposition here is absurd. Laziness, sir, laziness. You either don’t teach them properly or you aren’t alert enough.
It is not laziness it is security, for both myself and the safety of my child.
Please do not judge every child on the planet by the experiances of yourself and your children, it happens and it happens alot.
I except that you find them usless for yourself and your own situations, after all that is the point of your blog, to air your own views and oppinions.
But please do not class those of us that have used them and till the day I die I will remain dam glad I did as “lazy” or “to obscenely obese to run after them”
They are one of those things that are usless to some but a lifesaver to others.
It is not a case of not being alert enough, accidents happen and happen everyday, at least im not one of these mothers that couldnt careless that their child is running around a busy carpark as they walk through it without a care for what they are doing and I have seen plenty of those.
As For why you only had four options, it a bit of a retorical question
Smokey: Well, if it’s a matter of security then why not also implant a GPS locator into your kid, too for the eventuality that they will actually find a way to still slip away? The point is that you and I are talking matter of degrees. I think these things are totally unnecessary for a parent who takes basic precautions and who teaches his child to never, ever, step into traffic. The only instances where I can see a tool like a leash being necessary would be if the parent was unnaturally slow, dimwitted, or hurt. From the child’s perspective I could justify a leash if the kid has a brain impairment that preventes him from taking direction (like an ADHD kid or something) or otherwise being taught. Other than that, I’m afraid we’ll just have to disagree.
I realize it was a rhetorical question and that’s why I answered the way I did. Obviously there are other options, and obviously you painted it in such a way as to preclude an answer that would disagree with your conclusion. My answer was rude, I agree. But, it was in line with the question.
Actualy we do have a GPS tracker for when my son is of walking age (but that is a whole other paraniode mother subject for another day)
And yes my nephew did have ADHD and I agree that 90% was down to his mother being one of the “too lazy to care that he was running around busy roads” type mothers but I am still glad I had that precuation.
My god daughter on the other harness didnt have anything like this but at the time I wasnt all that experianced with taking children out.
Hopfully I will be a far more responsible mother when the time comes to teach my son about road safety but I would still prefer to have one as a backup while hes learning.
Im not talking about them being off ahead tugging away or restricting their movements, im refering to a reasonable use of them, the harness being wrapped around my wrist while he still holds my hand and just there as a backup.
My point is I do think they have a (if not abused or just for the sake of cant be bothered to hold their hand or watch them) place.
Ok Smokey, You got me! A GPS tracker!? I was kidding!
I can agree that they have a place provided a physically crippling condition on the parent’s part or an ADHD type situation on the kids part. Okay, I think we’re mostly in agreement then. Perfect! 