Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

Sometimes we are forced to buy our kids toys that have small pieces or that otherwise mess up the house.  We walk around periodically stepping on Lego parts or action figure arms and heads.  Matchbox cars are ubiquitous in this house.  I’ve found them on the basement steps, in the laundry machine, in the kitchen cupboards, everywhere.  These are inconveniences.  I notice them, pick them up and put them out of the way for later disposal or aggregation.  The type of toy for which I have no patience are the ones involving goo. We all know them.  They come with packets of green goop that is marketed as zombie brains or boogers or something disgusting that boys like.  When I was a kid there was this toy that spilled green goo out of a skull (I forget why).  The idea was that we could just scoop it up, shove the slime back into the top of the skull, press the button and watch it happen all over again.  What really happened was that the goo got into the carpet and was impossible to get out again.  My parents were at least wise enough never to buy that thing.  My next door neighbor’s parents were apparently not that intelligent.  Their carpet was all but worthless after the purchase of that toy.

Not only are boys the culprits.  Girls have their easy bake ovens and baby dolls that squirt fake pee and spit up.  The easy bake oven shouldn’t be a problem, right?  Well it’s a problem if there is a curious girl who wants to know how mud cooks up in the oven.  It says, get adult supervision right on the side of the box.  It’s clear that toy company executives either don’t have kids of their own or they just hate parents.  Green goo does not come easily out of carpet, and easy bake ovens are never strictly used with parental supervision.  Why then do parents continue to destroy their homes with these toys?  Are kids really that persuasive?  Or, are parents just delusional in thinking that toy companies have their best interests in mind?

My boy keeps getting mad at me that I won’t buy him these sorts of toys.  We saw a Nerf gun a few months ago that shot little balls of goo.  I know it’s intended to use in the yard, but since when did kids respect the “only outside” rule? Everybody knows they’ll pull that sucker out of the toy box and say to themselves, “I’ll only shoot the corner of that picture to see what happens.”  The next thing parents know there are little paint splat marks all over the 50” plasma TV.  That, by the way, has not happened to me because I have not been stupid enough to buy the product.  My boys think I’m totally unreasonable.  I know better because I’ve seen what they’ve done with my 50” plasma TV with their other Nerf guns.  There are little rings all over the television from suction darts aimed at Darth Maul during the most recent viewing of the Phantom Menace.  No way would I accept paint balls into this house.

It is unavoidable to buy toys that have tiny pieces that get lost and eventually stepped on.  That’s part of being a parent.  Lego toys even have a degree of creativity and education in them.  Army men have little guns that get lost in the washing machine.  I can deal with that.  What I can’t deal with is goo.  Maybe I’m missing something.  Maybe parents who subject themselves to the world of goo know something that I don’t.  I doubt it. What I think is that they are crazy gluttons for punishment.

Related posts:

1. Toys that Don’t Drive you Insane