Cell Phones Suck
OK, fine, they don’t always suck. 1% of the time they have an emergency use. But, the other 99% of the time they are completely useless and a hindrance to proper parenting. Really, when was the last time you’ve ever seen someone make an emergency call on a cell phone? Parents use that excuse all the time; “I need a cell phone in case there is an emergency.” Really? “OK,” I say, “Then why do I see you talking on it with your friend, Nancy, when you should be watching your kids?” If people really carried cell phones for emergency purposes then they would all be on silent and I would never have to kick the back of someones chair in the movie theater. I also wouldn’t have had to prevent a three year old from running out the door of the community center two days ago because her stupid mom was chatting on the phone and not paying attention! Here are the top excuses for carrying a cell phone – and why they suck.
“I Need it for Emergencies”
This one, if actually true, would be a really good reason for carrying a phone. And I would simply leave it at that if it weren’t for the simple fact that people, unless they are exceptionally clumsy people, don’t have enough emergencies to justify the amount of wasteful attention they give to their phone above their children. I’d be willing to bet that more accidents are caused by cell phones than are resolved by them. Talking on the phone while driving absolutely drives me nuts. People actually get charged with negligent homicide these days for talking on the phone and causing an accident. Nothing is so important that it necessitates talking on the phone while operating a moving vehicle. Along those same lines is my example of the mother who missed her kid running out the door because she was talking on her phone. I have no evidence to support this, but I’ll bet that her little daughter would have been in considerably less peril with her mother off the phone. The super condensed history of the cell phone goes like this: The military used two way radios starting in the 40′s to communicate positions and need for support. Emergency? Yes. Then, in the 60′s and 70′s, cell phones were starting to be used in business so that deals could could get done and deadlines could be met. Emergency? No, but there were also no kids involved. Now, cell phones are used by parents everywhere to call home to check if they need to buy more chunky peanut butter at the market. Emergency? Um, no.
“I Bought my Kid a Phone so he can let me Know what’s Going on.”
When I was a kid I would have given anything for my parents to not know what I was doing. And parents, though worried, used to accept that when kids got old enough those kids became responsible for their own actions. These days there is a term that has crept into our vernacular. It’s the ubiquitous “helicopter parent”. This is the insufferable parent that doesn’t let their kid learn any lessons in life because they are always hovering around ready to bail their precious snowflake out of any bind. Cell phones only make this behavior that much easier. Let’s take the example of climbing a tree as proof that kids need experience to survive in life. Kids like to climb trees, but these days there are many parents who don’t let them because they might get hurt. Yeah, that’s true. They might even kill themselves. The danger of not letting kids climb trees though is that those kids will grow up with no coordination and get run over by a bus because they have two left feet. Kids need freedom to make mistakes and potentially get seriously hurt. A cell phone in the hands of a kid is nothing more than an excuse to not learn. What happens when Johnny has a problem? He sits on the curb and whips out the phone rather than using his God given brain to bail himself out. Cell phones, trees, there really is a connection there.
I’ve taken two examples of the problems that cells phones create and stretched them to the extreme. More often than not cell phones are a handy tool.
But, when put into the hands of careless or lazy people they become a menace. They stunt learning and make parents into idiotic zombies who don’t properly care for their kids. Being a parent is a full-time job. It’s best not to artificially interrupt that job with something as trivial and unimportant as a cell phone. Call me during the day and unless my wife is watching the kids at that moment I will not pick up the phone. Hell, I probably am not even carrying my phone. It’s not because I don’t have friends (although that might be more true for me than for you). It’s because it’s just not that important. Answering machines should be my next post. “The Wonderful and Spectacular Invention of the Answering Machine.”
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As evil as they are, cell phones are still popular because of the ultra connectivity that people feel that they must maintain. But if you’re spending time with your kids, then it would be counterproductive to be working as well as gabbing with others.
A friend told me this once. Driving down the road with one hand around your wife and hand on the wheel means you’re doing a half-ass job of loving your wife and a half-ass job of watching the road.
I might be the exception but I keep mine off except for on the ride home from work when I check for messages.
Do you have an RSS feed to my brain, man?? LOL. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Yes, you may need your cell phone when you’re stranded by the side of the road in a blizzard, but you are capable of picking out bread at the grocery store without consulting your five closest friends.
Cell phones suck, but even worse is to not have one when you need it. This page, by the way, ranks #2 on google for “cell phones suck”.
Hmmmm you are almost convincing me to get rid of the cell phone altogether and just have one of those phones that hooks up to your internet at home. I could save a lot of money that way…but then how would I call my hubby to tell him to pick up some milk on the way home from work?? Or call the babysitter a million times to check on my daughter when we’re out. Yes, I know I’m a helicopter parent!
Somebody sent me this a while ago, I think that’s just the point!
Hi,
I forgot to paste the important part, sorry:
Remember?
Subject: TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 50′s, 60′s and 70′s!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or
drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a
can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with
bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or
cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not
to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air
bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a
special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle
and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda
pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because WE
WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long
as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps
and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot
the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we
learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video
games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies,
no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no
Internet or Internet chat rooms…WE HAD FRIENDS and we went
outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and
there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did
not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games
with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it
would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on
the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to
them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was
unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have
been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we
learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
Although I didn’t read the whole article, but did skim through it, I must say I totally agree. People have these things shoved up their, ahem, asses (and when I say asses, yes, I mean their faces) on a frequently nauseating basis. Their kids got ‘em, their spouse got one and sh!t, the family dog might as have one!…Granny, too. Either way, they need to put them down. I’ve seen waaay too many parents talking instead of watching their kids at the park. When did people FORGET how to parent? Geez Louise!!! Anyway, thanks for the article and hopefully it makes some bum put THEIRS down and watch out for ‘Little Billy’ about to set the house on fire!