Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

There were over 4 million births in the US in 2007 according to USA Today, and there are roughly 1000 reasonably popular baby names.  That means, according to basic division, that parents looking for unique baby names will need to dive deep into obscurity to find one.  There are some guidelines that all new parents should keep in mind when naming their babies.  For instance, don’t name a baby something that is difficult to pronounce.  Sooner or later the kid will start to realize that his/her name is an obstacle to them more than it is an identifier.  Picking a name can be as simple as looking into family history.  It could also be a name with some broader historical significance.  It is misguided to pick a weird name in the assumption that a name is what makes a person unique.  A name is nothing more than the most basic of identifiers.  A child’s real uniqueness is in their genes and develops with age, it isn’t bestowed in a name.

Family ties

There are plenty of weird family names, names that went out of style a long time ago.  I’m a big fan of strange and quirky family names.  They may be low on the popularity list, but that doesn’t, and shouldn’t, matter.  Family names aren’t meant to be popular, they aren’t meant to impress people.  They exist because someone important once lived who deserves remembering.  This is a case of justifiable weirdness.  My middle name is Merritt.  Yeah, it’s a little strange.  But, I like it because it has a long family history.

Historical significance

If everybody had a family name then reunions would be really confusing.  There would be 15 Jebs, 20 Eunices, and smattering of Abrahams, very little variety.  Sometimes parents just want a name that conveys some historical meaning.  My kids are good examples of this.  I named my boys Neil and Alan after Neil Armstrong and Alan Shepard.  It was important for me to give them names that conveyed my aspirations for them.  Not that they would become astronauts, but that they could break the mold and do something amazing with their lives that hadn’t been done before.  Names picked from the pages of history can have all sorts of interesting connotations.  William (after General Sherman) could convey strength and determination.  Parents might pick Louisa (for Louisa May Alcott) to signify empathy and sensitivity.  Biblical names also fall into this category.  Why else would there be so many Matthew, Marks, Lukes and Johns in the world?

Do no Harm

Apart from the Hippocratic Oath this should be the number one rule of baby naming, do no harm.  Nobody wants their kid walking through life with a giant “dork” stamp on their forehead.   Parents have to do at least a little bit of critical thinking before they name a baby.  There are, of course, names like Laquisha (my spell checker even thinks it’s stupid) that are totally invented and do nothing but damage the reputation of the holder.  There are also real names like Adolph which were completely valid names at one point in history but that have since become unacceptable.  The object to baby naming is to pick a name that has meaning without doing harm.  The last thing a parent should want is for their kids to be social outcasts because of their names; they’re perfectly capable of doing that to themselves without the assist.

Pronounceable Names

There are two categories of unpronounceable names.  They are the Ethnic names and the completely fictitious name.  Ethnic names are great – in their country or region of origin.  We might be a bunch of uneducated rubes for not being able to pronounce certain Greek, Russian, Swahili, Nordic, Gaelic or Mongolian names, but that’s just the way life is.  I lived in Mexico for a year and I was surprised to find that my name, Keith, is completely unpronounceable to most Mexicans.  Almost every new acquaintance I met went though the same routine with my name.  “Kit, Keed, Keet.”  I would try my best to sound it out for them.  But, the “th” sound does not exist in Spanish and that makes pronouncing my name a real problem.  English speaking countries have problems with many Russian names that use throaty (for lack of a better word) sounds that don’t exist in English.  The point here is that even if the proposed name is acceptable and significant it can nevertheless present problems if it is unpronounceable by the native population.   The other category of unpronounceable names are the fictitious names that people make up to try to be unique.  I’m not even going to discuss it because it’s a stupid practice and those who do it should be ashamed of themselves.

Naming babies is a process.  If we remember the purpose of a name then the process will be much easier.  Names are meant to identify us to small groups of people like family, friends, or coworkers.  Names are not intended to separate us from the other 6 billion people on the planet.  Baby names that try to be different for the sake of being different usually end up doing more harm than good.  Invented names and other socially awkward names can be unnecessary obstacles in life.  But, not all strange names are bad; sometimes they serve a purpose by carrying on an old family name.   Most of all, we need to remember that kids develop unique personalities through the aging process, not by virtue of a name. To encumber a baby with a weird, unpronounceable, or invented name does nobody any favors.

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