Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

My boy asked me yesterday if I would buy him a cigarette.  I said “Of course not, doofus.  Why in the heck do you want a cigarette?”  With perfect deadpan timing Neil replied, “Because I want to be a cowboy.”  That left me scratching my head because I do not recall having seen a Marlboro advertisement in at least the last 10 years.  I also can’t remember the last time we saw a cowboy movie.  Obviously though Neil seems to think cowboys smoke and that smoking is cool.  I’m taking that as proof that it doesn’t take much to make an impression on kids.  If it was an advertisement, a movie or perhaps a video game, I can’t be sure where he got the idea.  Not to discourage.  This is why I became a parent; I was born to handle this situation.  

Don’t Blame Media:  

Blaming TV, video games, advertisements, movies or any other media would be a mistake.  If I can educate my kids about fast food and petting wild animals, I can certainly educate them about smoking.  It takes the recognition of a problem to solve a problem, and Neil’s insistence that smoking makes him cool is an invitation to engage my parenting skills.  I could blame the advertisers for putting the thought into Neil’s head in the first place.  While I’m at it I might as well start bitching about trans-fats, porn, foul language, rude people, smelly people, crying babies, bad parking jobs and ugly dogs – for whatever offense suits me on any given day.  If people want to smoke then that’s their business.  If people want to eat a pig wrapped in bacon with a side of lard then that’s their business too.  I’ll do my job as a parent and they can do whatever weird thing they’re in to.  

Smoking = Bad:  

For anybody who’s been living in a cave for the last 30 years we should establish the fact that smoking is a bad thing.  A burning cigarette produces the following substances (along with about 400 other toxic chemicals):  

  Tar, a carcinogen (substance that causes cancer)  

  Nicotine is addictive and increases cholesterol levels in your body.  

  Carbon monoxide reduces oxygen in the body and causes chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder. (COPD)  

Getting the Point Across:  

There are four methods (that I know of) that parents like to use to persuade their kids not to smoke.  

1. Let them Find Out for Themselves:  Some parents take the hands off route and assume their kids are going to figure it out for themselves sometime before emphysema sets in.  

2. O.D. Will Teach Them: This one is popular among TV sitcom parents and people who think they’re psychologists but really just watch a lot of Dr Phil.  The idea is to make the child not want cigarettes by buying him a whole carton and sitting to watch him smoke them all.  Then Child Protective services show up and you’re out of a job for a while (They don’t put that part on TV).  

3. The I’ll-Kill-you-Myself Method: Some parents don’t screw around with psychology.  They simply say “If I catch you smoking, I’ll take those cigarettes and shove them right up your ass. Then I’ll make you smoke them.”  

4. Scared Straight: Do a google image search for throat cancer.   Show the pictures to the kids.  That ought to about do it.  If it doesn’t, take them to an old folks home to find someone with emphysema.  If that doesn’t work resort to method number 3.  

Any way you want to teach your kids about drugs and alcohol is fine as long as it works.  I don’t subscribe to the idea that kids figure things out by themselves.  Sometimes they do, but if that were true then parents’ only use would be to pay for stuff until the kids leave home at 18.  No, I think I have a real job that entails actively guiding my kids towards adulthood.  I’ll take that responsibility, not the government, not advertisers, not church – me.  In the end, the buck stops here, and I’m responsible for teaching them right from wrong.

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