Sleeping Arrangements
By: Keith
One of the questions new parents have to ask themselves when they have a baby is the question of where the baby will sleep. The choices are pretty cut and dry, it’s either with mom and dad or it’s in a separate room in a crib. Most parents in the United States go the sleeping alone route for their babies. They believe that newborns need to learn independence and be self sufficient as quickly as possible. Kids will eventually sleep alone anyhow so it’s best to get them used to it early. But, while most parents choose to have their children independent and in their own rooms, there is a growing movement that advocates co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is when kids sleep right along side mom and dad. The argument for co-sleeping is that babies need the warmth and security of their mothers and will thus feel more attached and secure as they grow up. It is interesting to note that in most of the world this would be a completely ridiculous question because it is assumed that babies sleep with their parents. But, this is the United States and we’re always willing to experiment with new parenting methods. I believe that our distant ancestors and most of the world, is right, that sleeping with babies is good for their development. I also know many good people who believe that our parents did it right, that kids need independence and will grow up stronger by sleeping alone. In the end though, I believe the benefits of co-sleeping far outweigh the negatives. But, since this is a touchy subject, I won’t pretend to know what is right for each family.
Co-sleeping Positives
Everyone Sleeps
I’ve never understood how new parents can’t seem to get sleep. With our sons right next to their mother nobody ever had to get up in the middle of the night because of nightmares or feedings or anything at all. We all got a full nights sleep right from the beginning.
Security
Kids sleeping in the same bed as their parents negates the need for baby monitors and worry. When my children are sick, need a drink, or have a nightmare I am always right next to them ready to help. My reactions can be instant.
Light Sleep
I used to be a very heavy sleeper. Now I am a light sleeper because I am aware of my space in the bed as it relates to my kids. I wake up whenever something feels a bit wrong. I count this as a positive because if I were still a heavy sleeper it would be easy to miss emergencies. With kids it is important to be alert. Co-sleeping forces alertness.
Bonding
It may seem that since everyone is asleep that there is no real bonding being done. Not true. Babies need their mothers for more than nourishment and protection. Babies have no sense of themselves when they are born so they also need physical proximity to their mothers so they can feel whole. It’s bonding. Mothers want to hold their children right at birth because they believe there is bonding taking place. If mothers believe in bonding in the hospital room then why do they not also believe that bonding is an ongoing process that is alimented by co-sleeping?
Financial
It’s really affordable to not buy a crib or decorate a room. If parents really still want to waste their money they are always free to change the extra room into a guest room.
Co-sleeping Negatives
Duration
Once co-sleeping starts it is hard to get it to stop. At what point do we say, “OK, it’s time you kids sleep by yourselves.” I’ll admit that it was tough to get my kids to sleep on their own. Eventually they do need to have independence, and co-sleeping does not make it easy to make the separation. It can however be managed by making a slow transition; children can sleep in a separate bed in their parents’ room for a while until they are ready to be truly independent. But, it is still hard to manage and is definitely a negative.
Intimacy
It’s hard to be intimate with a spouse when there is a kid in bed. As a matter of fact, it’s impossible. There is the danger that parents can get so focused on babies that they forget the reasons they got married in the first place. It takes a special effort to maintain romance in that situation. Again, this negative can be managed, but it’s annoying nonetheless.
All new parents will make the choice between co-sleeping and independent sleeping. While there are some pretty legitimate negatives to the co-sleeping arrangement there are many more positives. Parents get more sleep, babies get immediate attention when they need it, bonding happens even at night, and it’s cheaper. I wouldn’t advocate it for everybody though because I am not everybody and there are some negatives which could potentially trip up a marriage. It is up to each family to decide which situation will work best for them. I slept independently when I was a kid and I turned out just fine. There is no absolute except what a family knows is right for them.
No related posts.
We placed our child in the crib pretty early so we could sleep and he has slept fine there for the most part ever since. (3 weeks old)
Thanks for linking to this. While I heartily disagree, I enjoyed the read and how you presented it.
Hi Keith,
I posted this comment at Dad Blogs and then thought it was probably more appropriate to respond here -
Enjoyed your article. I see you touched on how cultural differences influence beliefs on co-sleeping. This article has a look at it in more detail if you’re interested -
“In almost all cultures around the globe, babies sleep with an adult, while older children sleep with parents or other siblings. It is only in industrialized Western societies such as those in North America and some parts of Europe that sleep has become a private affair.”
http://libaware.economads.com/sleepwithme.php
I have co-slept with all 4 of my kids, one whos is 13 months is still in my bed of course. My older 3, ages 12, 10, and 8 are very secure and happy and I NEVER had to deal with night terrors, bad dreams or anything like that. I really think it’s because each child slept with my until at least 2. And as for intimacy?
hey there ARE other rooms in the house you know….How about that guest room?
You’re right Mitzi, there are other rooms. people get so hung up on the intimacy thing, but I don’t quite understand why that’s an issue.
Love this article! We had setup a crib for our firstborn.. simply because that’s the only “usual” way we knew of. As soon as he got home, we started bedsharing. We didn’t plan it. It just happened. Then I found out about the benefits. I totally agree. We personally do not like cribs. We had one set up for our son but ended up hardly using it. He bedshared. We felt he was safer that way. Plus I found it much more convenient, especially with breastfeeding. He started out in our bed. Then was on his own mattress in our room. And now is on his own mattress in his room.
We have custody of our nephew now, who unfortunately is in a crib just because his case worker said he had to be..
What we don’t like about cribs:
- babiess getting limbs stuck in bars
- getting a very light-sleeping baby (like our nephew) to stay asleep when lowering into the crib.
- baby behind bars..
- increased risk of SIDS, IMO.
- the prospect of them falling or climbing out.
I googled “moving baby to toddler bed” and this was the first line of the first result:
“When can I … move him into a bed?
Once your child is able to climb out of his crib, it is time to move him into a toddler bed.”
Does that sound stupid to anyone else?
Also, our concerns are reinforced by Health Canada’s following warnings:
“For your children’s safety, only use cribs manufactured AFTER September 1986. Cribs made before this date do not meet current standards and put children at risk.”, Health Canada, Crib Safety
And,
“Recall Notice
Stork Craft drop-side cribs: The recall includes products with manufacture and distribution dates between January 1993 and October 2009.”, Health Canada, Consumer Product Recalls
What that says to us is that many cribs have never really been very “safe”. What determines a crib as the “safest” place for an infant to sleep when there have always been deaths and/or injuries directly related, even recently?
We’re now bedsharing with our 4 month old daughter, and the boys sleep by themselves in their own rooms after cuddles and storytime.
(Sorry for the long comment)