Kid’s Sports: Lighten Up, Jeez
By: Keith
Did you know there’s an under 6 category at the US Kids Golf World Championship? There’s also an 8 and under basketball tournament sponsored by the Amateur Athletic Union. An estimated 35 million American kids participate in some kind of organized athletics. My own two kids participate in organized gymnastics (not that there’s a disorganized kind). I’m concerned for all these kids who are being pushed at such young ages to compete as if they were adults. My oldest boy is a fantastic gymnast, and his coaches wanted him to compete this year with the team. I said “no” because he’s 7 and I think it’s too early to take gymnastics seriously. Neil isn’t old enough to focus on one sport and I wouldn’t want him to even if he was certain that gymnastics was his thing. The reality is that sports are fun and good opportunities for social interaction; they shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Besides the costs are absurd.
Youth Lost:
A few days ago I wrote about Giuliano, from Italy, who is considered the world’s strongest kid because his dad is a freak and pushes him like a trained monkey. 5 Year olds shouldn’t have to ditch their youth because of some misguided effort to make them superstars. There are genuine prodigies in the world. They stand out from the pack not because they’re pushed but because they have a unique skill that naturally makes them shine. Those kids are extremely rare. Intelligence, athleticism – it’s all the same thing. We all fall on a bell curve, and most of us are right in the thick of it. The only way to beat that curve is to work like crazy, and kids shouldn’t have to give up being kids just just to push a curve that doesn’t usually translate to adult success anyway.
The Reality of the Curve:
The rate at which kids are being forced into athletics these days defies the reality of a bell curve. A small percentage are going to make it. Why would parents invest so much in such a minuscule possibility when there are so many other areas of education where real growth is likely? Probably for the same reason people are dumb enough to play the lottery and expect to win. Unlike the lottery though there are real consequences for the gamble parents take with their kids. There’s a high probability that by pursuing athletics so vigorously that kids are losing the opportunity to grow, play and learn like real kids. It’s all done for parents who foolishly believe they’re doing the right thing for their children.
Sports are Good:
Sports, especially non league sports (organized and played in backyards among friends), are good. They teach kids sportsmanship and teamwork as well as to be competitive, the joy of victory and the reality of loss. There are real life lessons that are gleaned from sports. But, those lessons come whether kids are being coached by overzealous coaches and parents or playing a game of sandlot baseball (The Sandlot is a must rent movie if you haven’t seen it already). What exactly is the point of this weird American obsession with organized sports if it isn’t more for the parents who failed at sports when they were kids? Kids want to win and play, but they don’t need adults to teach them that winning feels good; they can figure that out after they win for themselves. All they need is access to other kids and a field. Heck, they don’t even need a ball; Pelé learned to play soccer with grapefruit and stuffed socks in the back alleys of his very poor neighborhood.
I want both Neil and Alan to experience the joy of sports. I have them in gymnastics for the same reason I taught them to read before I taught them anything else, simply because it teaches them basic body control and athleticism. The foundation for all sports is the ability to control your body just like the foundation for all learning is the ability to read. I have the money to allow them that luxury, and I think it’s a good investment. When they get older they can take that skill and apply it to whatever they like. At that point I won’t need to push them because they’ll have all their options open and they’ll choose for themselves – or not.
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Not many parents are satisfied to just have a normal kid anymore. They want to ride on the success or cover the failure because their fragile egos can’t accept that they didn’t spawn a superstar. After they’re done screwing them up they may wish for just normal.
Mom: I really don’t know what’s so bad about normal that people can’t accept it. Normal isn’t a perpetual state of existence, and parents don’t get that. Their job is to guide their kids through childhood with as few hangups as possible. When their kids get older they’ll strike off on their own and perhaps become great by themselves, not because of something the parents forced them to do. Yeah, you’re right; fragile egos.
3 of my kids have participated in organized sports. The fourth, my 3 year old, will begin with soccer in another year or so. The one thing that I think you left out is that there are different levels of sports that kids can participate in. For instance: here in Savannah, there are kids baseball leagues, usually run by the YMCA, and then there are the hard core leagues that travel around and practice most of the year. The YMCA version teaches a game that the kids can learn to play and be a part of a team. The other version is all about the competition and pushing kids to being top athletes. I’ve never considered putting my kids in that kind of league, simply for the reasons that you’ve stated above. Its too serious for this stage of their lives.
But the benefits of sports also can’t be overlooked. I like the team aspect of their activities and having them learn that other kids are relying on them. In our neighborhood, there are very few kids, so sandlot type games really aren’t something my kids can enjoy. The YMCA offers something along those lines.
Finally, I like that my kids are getting used to being involved in extracurricular stuff after school. While I do believe that being involved in those things isn’t vital to their lives at this stage, once they reach middle and high school I think it becomes much more important.
To parallel what your article was saying, I think that kids and sports is all about the motives of the parents. Why do you have your kids in sports? It it’s some misguided attempt to make sure that your kids meet the goals that you as a parent were never able to attain, then it isn’t for them; it’s for you. And I think that is where you begin to rob children of their childhood. The “why” question is one that every parent should ask him/herself. Because, ultimately, it’s your child’s life, not yours.
Another great and thought provoking article Keith!
.-= Tim Blake´s last blog ..Deployment doesn’t equal defeat! Part 7 – Dealing with sickness =-.
Tim: You’re right, I didn’t really think about the various levels of competition. And you’re also right that the sandlot experience is unfortunately a dying possibility for kids these days. I participated in Babe Ruth League baseball when I was a kid and it was great because they didn’t take themselves too seriously. There was another league for kids who were actually good, but I can’t remember what it was called. Those guys were crazy. So, you’re right about that. It takes a special (special ed) breed of parent to shove their kid into something so high stress.
For me with my three daughters one of which ended up not wanting anything at all to do with sports one didnt want to play college basketball to focus on school and my youngest i think only wanted to go to college to play softball LOL!!the only thing i pushed them to do and it didnt have to be sports was just be part of something do something plus school my 2 yr old who knows he swings golf clubs bats sticks and kicks any and everything if it looks like a ball it is a ball to him he wants to lift wieghts when i work out theres just to much to choose from when it comes to forceing anything (for me anyway) and i think organized sports is being forced on our kids now more than ever and maybe more is who doesnt want their 14 year old son or daughter to be offered a free ride to USC or Alabama because of how they play i guess the parents sucking at sports is a good theory on why parents push so hard or how bout if your offered sports and told this is the only way out of your situation or point blank told this is your only way out or sports is the only way to get college paid for i met a young lady a couple years ago at a college softball invitatinal in Al when my daughter played select and was watching a game wher this catcher she was 16 took two foul balls off the face and then was involved in a play at the plate she got up bent over to get her mask and missed twice umpire aked if she was ok and she said yes i just have a little headache umpire said ok playball im a bit of a big mouth so i start asking where the girls mother was it was pretty clear she wasnt there she dropped or fumbled a few more balls and i tell the ump you need to call time out or something so im really loud by then more pissed so the coach finally pulls the girl out after the umpire said something and the mother was pissed because there was college coaches out there and her daughter wasnt playing and she just needed to eat and have some water what are the symtoms of a concussion right it took this child throwing up before they got the picture WOW!!!i tell some of the inner city kids i talk to that an accademic scholarship is just as good as an athletic and the best response yet is THAT AINT COOL….
DAMN!is that right so you can kick a ball shoot a ball and hit a ball become a millionaire but cant read your contract or conduct bussiness as a professinol and thats cool they say no thats what people pay to see LOL!So yes the whole kids sports obsession is a bad one and i guess the question is where does it end????????????????
STLDADDY: “That ain’t cool” Wow! The thing that gets me about sports is just how unrealistic it is to bank on it as a career. It’s not cool to get an academic scholarship yet it’s somehow cool to essentially play the lottery with their future. Great. That girl who had the concussion is probably not so atypical. Lot’s of these suburban parents feel trapped by their stale and boring surroundings and they vicariously live through their kids as a way to escape. It’s a disease of abundance and laziness. Misused energy. The inner city kids who think sports is the way out for them are only right a fraction of the time. Society perpetuates the myth that they can’t do anything else and they don’t help themselves by trying to dispel that notion. Really, quite unfortunate all around.
I say make them suffer! Push them until they break! Make them sweat it out! Oh, wait. I was just being bitter over some ancient labor pains. Still, one gets a tiny hit of pleasure from watching them beat someone else’s butt. I think that’s what gets to parents. It’s a like an addiction. We think that their success somehow says something good about US. Transference anyone?
Beth: You’re right. Some parents see their kids’ success and transfer it onto themselves. Instead of just being proud they take it a step further by actively tinkering with the kids’ lives. Unfortunately they’re rarely qualified to direct even their own lives let alone those of their kids.
Man… as a baseball fan… I loved Sandlot as a kid. Still do actually. It made me wish I lived in a neighborhood in the 50′s. The giant dog kind of threw me off though…
.-= Papa K´s last blog ..A Serious Moment =-.
PapaK: I know what you’re talking about. I lived in a neighborhood like that when I was a kid (not the 50′s but it felt like it), and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Places like that aren’t common anymore unfortunately.
I’m afraid this extends to a lot of areas these days. The whole ‘your baby can read’ stuff perpetuates the same thing through academic life. It would be one thing if kids were behind or developmentally challenged, but why do parents feel it necessary to force children into things before they are ready. In some areas my son is ahead of the curve and in other ways he may be behind. But that is part of what makes him, him. But all the curve represents is an average, not a standard. People need to relax.
.-= PJ Mullen´s last blog ..Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner =-.
PJ: I should have written about those “your baby can read” programs. That’s a great example. And so ridiculous. My kids are like yours. Well ahead in some things, and behind in others. It would be better if parents just recognized that nobody is perfect.
When my girls were small, I had lots of friends with kids in multiple sports and activities. I thought they were insane. I wanted my girls to be bored. To exercise their creativity and think up something to do. I encouraged them to have one activity, sports or otherwise. But they couldn’t have 2.
When my brilliant softball player wanted to take karate at 11, I made her choose between the 2. I secretly hoped she would stay with softball, but she didn’t.
Now she’s a black belt and just entered high school. She has decided she wants to go back to softball. She didn’t make the high school softball team, so she joined a rec league to polish her skills. She wants to make that team next year.
And I couldn’t be more proud.
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Debbie: The muli-sport thing that parents push on their kids is ludicrous. I played multiple sports when I was a kid and I can’t think of the benefit I got. I played sports I didn’t even want to play, like basketball and baseball. All I wanted to do was track, but somehow I got into everything else too. It was a waste of time as my grades in school were not very good.