Financial Stress Hurts Kids Too
By: Keith
It’s a pretty obvious revelation; of course kids experience stress when their families are going through financial hardship. But, as scientists like to do, there has been research into this obvious fact. Our current recession has caused worry in almost half of children aged 13 to 17 (American Psychological Association); they say they’re “more worried this year than they were last year.” An article in this month’s Psychology Today magazine reports that while teens are indeed worrying about the economy, only 28 % of parents thought their kids were worrying any more than usual. Parents, it seems, are underestimating the affect that tight economic times are having on kids. Kids, it seems, are carrying around anxiety about something they have no control over but which their parents have the power to clarify and perhaps sooth to some degree.
Be Honest:
The advice in Psychology Today is simple. Talk to your kids about your finances in a way they can understand. Be honest but don’t say anything that doesn’t need saying. For instance, it’s necessary to know about, and to understand, a move to a smaller house or an apartment ahead of time, but it’s probably not important to explain why you aren’t going to Disneyland this summer; a simple “We don’t have the money” would be good enough. The truth is that when there’s no money, it affects everybody. Imagine the stress that reduced income less buying power is having on you — and you have all the facts and the ability to act. Kids feel helpless when bad things happen. They also pick up on radiant depression and mood swings from their parents. A good start, in alleviating that pressure, is for parents to be more open with kids about what’s happening. Young kids can’t do anything to fix it, but at least they won’t feel quite as isolated and helpless.
How Much to Say:
When I was a kid it was unacceptable for me to ask my dad how much money he made and how we were doing financially. I remember him actually getting mad at me the few times I asked, and I never understood why. I don’t know why it matters. My kids, by contrast, know how much our rent is and how much money we make. They know what percentage of our income all our expenses are and how much is left over for toys and fun things. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Nobody so far has been able to successfully explain to me why it’s bad policy to give financial information to kids. I’m not telling them I’m worried or that something terrible has happened, I just give them the numbers, and they figure out the rest.
Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees:
Last year, when we suddenly got poor, the boys experienced it in their own way. First we had to move out of our big house with a big backyard and then, when things got even worse, they had to go without buying toys. I was impressed with how well they handled it, and I attribute it to their prior knowledge of the situation. If they had thought money arrived every month out of nowhere then the sudden revelation otherwise might have been earth shattering. But my kids know how we make money, and they know it changes month to month. If we do badly then we can’t buy some things they like. When I was a kid my parents weren’t quite as honest with me. That made me insulated, but it also made me naive. Insulated and naive is no way to go through life. At what point should a person learn about the ups and downs of living? When credit card debt is out of control because he didn’t know less income means less spending? It’s better to be realistic now so that kids won’t expect, as they grow up, a constantly upgrading lifestyle, devoid of realistic and responsible thinking. Information now saves kids from overspending later.
A tight economic squeeze isn’t something to scoff at. It affects everybody and it can be a seriously worrying thing. That’s no reason to keep kids in the dark. Being intelligent, kids probably know more than we give them credit for. Why not nip that anxiety in the bud by volunteering relevant information to the kids ahead of time? They can handle it. What they can’t handle is your projected fear. But fear and information are two totally separate things.
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Another great post on a timely issue, Keith. Could totally relate of course. I hate feeling like I’m denying my kids something – not that I’m buying all kinds of crap – just small stuff like a pizza for dinner, but we can’t because it’s the end of the month and we need the money for groceries. And downgrading lifestyles may have been one of the toughest transitions I’ve made and they kids could tell. This is very practical advice.
.-= Clark Kent’s Lunchbox´s last blog ..Me Write Pretty One Day =-.
Keith, totally get it, totally living it, totally appreciate you putting it out there, gotta share it! Thanks, thanks.
.-= Marian´s last blog ..we can do it together =-.
It is extremely important to explain to kids the ins and outs of personal finance so they can avoid the mistakes their parents may have made, as well as better understand why things happen in their lives.
While I’m not 100% sold on completely opening the ledger with all of the information on our income, spending habits and investments, I do agree that they need to understand things cost money and money doesn’t magically appear in a bank account.
.-= PJ Mullen´s last blog ..Do you feel like I do? =-.