Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

Parenting is a ubiquitous term used to describe something that is actually quite specific and unique.  Most of us will be parents during our lives, that’s true.  But when we do become parents we’ll develop our own techniques for performing the job, techniques that are exceptional and different.  No two parenting jobs are exactly the same.  Everybody has an opinion about how to raise kids — grandparents, parents, other kids, neighbors, aunts and uncles, the garbage man, everybody has one and everyone wants to advertise it.  It’s strange as a matter of fact to find someone who doesn’t want to offer advice.  It isn’t a problem to have an opinion because we all have them.  But, with many people, opinions flow out of them like water from a tap. They feel compelled to give out every little piece of advice to other parents as if they alone have the answers.  People can be pushy too.  The worst part is that sometimes their advice is downright wrong and, dare I say, stupid.  It takes a special sort of parent to recognize the s*&^ when it starts to flow and be strong enough to reject it.  Listening to too much inane advice can cause us to start shutting out all advice from every source.  But we don’t want that to happen because, let’s face it, we don’t have all the answers either.  How do we filter the good advice from the bad?  Simple consider the source.  A few examples to illustrate.

I like to give my kids little pep talks before they embark on a class or competitive activity.  I want them to feel like they can accomplish anything they set out to do and that they feel confident in their abilities.  It’s important for me to impress on them that there is no shame in losing as long as they’ve tried their best.  I joke around with them and do silly things to get them to see that I don’t mean to be too serious with them.  They understand that the point of these talks is to show them I care about what they are doing as much as they care.  They are both quite happy when I send them on their way.  They always try their best and they always have fun doing it.  On one occasion, at gymnastics class, there was a lady nearby who overheard my little pep talk.  I gave my kids high fives and a kiss and sent them out to class.  She turned around after they had gone and admonished me for not emphasizing that the most important part of gymnastics is to have fun.  The insinuation was that I am driving my kids too hard and being one of those dads who lives vicariously through their kids.  Not true at all. Well, I calmed down when I considered the source.  Her daughter went out into the gymnasium and sat there staring at the ceiling for most of the class.  Meanwhile my kids were running around having all sorts of fun while at the same time trying their very best to learn what the instructors had to teach them.  Yeah, that advice can be discarded pretty quickly.

Our whole family has really strange sleeping habits when compared with other families.  When my kids were just born, and in their first few years, we owned and operated a martial arts academy.  Our classes ran from 4 pm to 11 pm.  After the last class we had a few chores to do before we could close the business.  We sometimes didn’t get to bed until 1 am.  Our kids kept the same schedule.  Even after we sold the academy we are all still on the same schedule.  My kids go to sleep at midnight or 1 o’clock and we all wake up at around 10am.  This is not a problem for us because I also homeschool my kids and they don’t have anywhere in particular to be.  But, there have been countless people who have told me I need to get them on a normal schedule.  Well, why should I do that?  The schedule we have works fine for us.  The source of these complaints are parents who have kids in school.  They can’t imagine kids waking up at 10am because, for their families, that just would not work.  For most families our sleeping schedule would be totally unworkable and impractical.  I know that school kids have a schedule to keep which dictates their sleeping hours.  But, even after explaining that I home school my kids and about the academy, people still try to convince me that I am wrong.  All of that advice can be discarded because I know that it comes from a personal experience that I do not share.

We can’t discard all advice though.  We want to accept the wisdom of people who have been successful in their field.  When I have questions about school curriculum or teaching methods I seek out other parents who have produced educated home schooled kids for advice.  If my kids become interested in sailing then I will call my dad who is an excellent sailor.  At one point in my life I had a master who taught me martial arts.  As a student it was my job to learn from him and to accept his wisdom.  If I had suddenly decided that he was a foolish old man who was weak and didn’t know anything about karate then I would have quickly been without a teacher and I never would have accomplished anything.  We have to accept advice where it is relevant to our lives and that comes from experienced people.  We also have to filter the bad advice.  Bad advice doesn’t always come from mean spirited people who want us to fail. Sometimes it comes from perfectly well meaning people who just don’t share our same experiences in life to be able to guide us effectively.

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