Birthday Parties are Stupid
By: Keith
One giant nightmare for parents everywhere is children’s birthday parties. They are year round swarms of kids who arrive at house after house to eat and mess things up, much like locusts, and parents who are forced to spend money on children who aren’t their own. For the sake of every parent’s sanity, birthdays should be restricted to family affairs, not the money and time suck that our society seems to demand. Nobody cares that Johnny is 8 besides Johnny’s family. It isn’t the kids who buy the presents for each other; every invited kid is paired to a stressed out parent who is forced to look for a socially acceptable present while blocking out an entire day of their schedule for a child that is irrelevant to them. And, the kid who is invited only cares insomuch as he’s going to get free party favors, cake, and a chance to run around like he does every day anyway. Birthday parties are an utter waste of resources and time.
Obligation
Kids don’t have money, parents have money. If my child were to invite 10 friends (and that’s modest compared to what I’ve witnessed) to his birthday party then that means there are at least 10 parents, but possibly up to 20, who are now obligated to spend their time buying my child a gift. Kids have figured out that the more friends they invite the more presents they’re going to get. Parents just blindly follow along with this little scheme all the while labeling it a socially important ritual. They resign themselves to these periodic disturbances of their schedules as if they must. If fact, because of the great pull of peer pressure, it’s true, they must. Nobody wants to be the spoil sport. And, once they are obliged to come, nobody wants to be the one with an inferior gift. Consider it a birthday arms races. Whatever happened to a cake, a gift, and a kiss on the head? I for one am resolved to celebrate my boys’ birthdays without fanfare. Gifts and hoards of kids do not demonstrate a family’s love for each other. I am not going to oblige anybody to celebrate an event that they don’t care about.
There is a Time for Reunion
There is a time and a place for everything. Parties are great; social get-togethers are a necessary part of our social health. I don’t think it should take place at birthday parties though because birthdays are one sided affairs. The time to get together and to party should be reserved for football games, Halloween parties (and the like), block parties and, for kids, sleep-overs. Kids do sleep-overs all the time. Parents might think they’re annoying, but at least there are no presents involved and all the kids are having the same level of fun (except the kid who pees the bed). When I was little we had next door neighbors who used to have a party every New Years. The adults would be upstairs socializing while the kids would be downstairs having a kid party. When midnight came we would all get together and bang pots and pans and yell like crazy, then go home. That’s my idea of a good time, just a good old fashioned party with no strings and no expectations (apart from staying up until midnight). Neighborhood Christmas parties are also fun. As I remember, the only obligation anybody had was to possibly bring a pie and a bottle of wine. That’s reasonable. And, all the kids had their time to socialize too.
Field Trip Parties
Another excellent reason to skip birthday parties altogether is the dreaded Chuck E. Cheese visit. The food is terrible, and the place is a mess of germs and misbehaving little turds. I won’t entirely denigrate the restaurant because I’ve been there several times with just family and, in those circumstances, it is bearable. However, a group of screaming party goers is more than I would be able to handle. Kid themed restaurants are a nightmare. What about movie themed birthday parties?
Imagine being a parent trying to keep a group of hopped-up-on-sugar boys quiet during a movie. I’ve been at the movies while a party is taking place. It isn’t pleasant. Other movie goers should not have to endure that. Chuck E. Cheese and the movies are huge sucks on parents’ mental energy. What if a kid gets hurt? Or goes to tell his mom afterwards that you, the responsible parent, did something horribly wrong? I don’t want to deal with that. I want sit around my dining room table and have cake with my family and open a few presents. Then, if we do an activity, it will be just us or other family and close friends. It will not be a mass of random school friends who are only around to give me a hard time and get free stuff.
While I appreciate the passage of years as much as the next person, I refuse to contribute to the mess that has become children’s parties. If Neil or Alan are asked to attend a party I suppose I will be obliged, along with every other unwilling parent, to waste my time and money on a kid I frankly don’t really care about. For my part I will celebrate my kids’ birthdays as private affairs and save the merriment for holidays and other acceptable social events. I simply don’t think birthdays fall into that category.
Una de las más grandes pesadillas para los padres son las fiestas de cumpleaños. Es un enjambre de niños que año con año van de casa en casa para comer y hacer tiraderos, como las langostas, acompañados por padres quienes se han visto forzados a gastar dinero en niños que no son suyos. En nombre de la salud mental de los padres, los cumpleaños deberían ser restringidos a asuntos de familia, y no el succionador de dinero y tiempo que nuestra sociedad demanda. A nadie le importa que Juanito esté cumpliendo 8 años, solamente a su familia. No son los niños los que comprar los regalos para sus amigos; cada niño invita a otro niño que viene acompañado por un padre (o madre) estresado quien se ver forzado a conseguir un regalo que es socialmente aceptable mientras tiene que pasar todo un día dedicado a un niño que es irrelevante para ellos. Y el niño que ha sido invitado a la fiesta solo está interesado en cuántos regalitos va a conseguir en la fiesta, cuánto pastel va a poder comer, y que va a poder jugar y correr por todos lados, lo cual hace de todas maneras. Las fiestas de cumpleaños son un total desperdicio de tiempo y dinero.
Obligación
Los niños no tienen dinero, son los padres los que tienen el dinero. Si mi hijo fuera a invitar a 10 amigos (y este número es bajo comparado con las fiestas que he visto) a su fiesta de cumpleaños eso querría decir que al menos 10 padres, si no es que hasta 20, están estarían obligados a gastar su tiempo en comprarle un regalo a mi hijo. Los niños por su parte han averiguado que entre más amigos inviten, más regalos van a recibir. Los padres simplemente siguen ciegamente este plan mientras lo etiquetan como un importante ritual social. Se resignan a estas molestias esporádicas como si fueran obligatorias. De hecho, debido a la presión de las personas a su alrededor, es verdad, es una obligación. Nadie quiere ser el aguafiestas. Y, una vez que se ven obligados a atender, nadie quiere ser la persona que trajo el regalo mas chafa. Considéralo como las guerrillas de los cumpleaños. ¿Qué le a la época de tener solamente un pastel, un regalo y un beso en la frente? Yo he determinado el celebrar los cumpleaños de mis hijos sin fanfarrias. Un montón de regalos y un montón de niños no son una demostración del amor que se tiene entre los miembros de la familia. Yo no voy a obligar a celebrar un evento por el que no están realmente interesados.
Hay un tiempo para reunirse
Para todo existe un tiempo y un lugar. Las fiestas son fantásticas; las reuniones sociales son una parte necesaria para nuestra salud social. Pero yo no creo que deban ocurrir durante los cumpleaños, porque los cumpleaños son solo importantes para el cumpleañero y su familia. El tiempo para reunirse y tener fiestas deber ser reservado para partidos de futbol, fiestas de Halloween (o eventos similares), fiestas de la cuadra, y las fiestas en las que los niños se queden a dormir en tu casa. Los niños se quieren quedar a dormir en casa de sus amigos todo el tiempo. Y puede que los padres piensen que es molesto, pero, al menos no hay la necesidad de comprar regalos y todos los niños se divierten de la misma manera (excepto por aquel que orina la cama). Cuando yo era pequeño nuestro vecino solía tener cada año una fiesta de Año Nuevo. Los adultos se la pasaban socializando en la sala mientras que los niños nos la pasábamos jugando en el cuarto que tenían en el sótano en una fiesta para nosotros. A la media noche todos nos reuníamos en la sala para golpear ollas y sartenes y gritar como locos, y luego todos nos regresábamos a nuestras casas. Esa es mi idea de cómo pasar un buen tiempo, una fiesta tradicional si ataduras ni expectaciones. Las fiestas del barrio durante la navidad también eran divertidas. Si recuerdo bien, la única obligación era traer una tarta y una botella de vino. Es razonable, y, todos los niños teníamos la oportunidad de socializar también.
Las fiestas de viajes de campo
Otra razón para eludir las fiestas de cumpleaños completamente es la no deseada visita a Chuck E Cheese. La comida es terrible, y el lugar está lleno de gérmenes y pequeños escuincles mal criados. No voy a denigrar este lugar por completo porque yo he atendido en algunas ocasiones con la familia, y en esas circunstancias, es tolerable. Sin embargo, un grupo de niños gritones atendiendo a una fiesta es mucho más de lo que yo puedo soportar. Los restaurantes diseñados para niños son una pesadilla. Y ¿qué tal las fiestas para niños en el cine?
¿Imagínate ser el padre que tiene que controlar a un grupo de chamacos, todos hiperactivos por tanto dulce, y tener que mantenerlos callados durante la película? Yo he tenido la desgracia de haber ido al cine cuando estaban teniendo una fiesta de cumpleaños. No es una experiencia placentera. Otras personas yendo a cine no tienen porque soportar eso. Chuck E Cheese y el cine son tremendos succionadores de la energía mental de los padres. ¿Qué tal si un niño se lastima? ¿O qué tal si algún niño le dice a su mamá, después de la fiesta, que tu, el padre responsable, hiciste algo terrible? Yo no quiero tener nada que ver con eso. Yo me quiero pasar los cumpleaños alrededor de mi mesa del comedor con mi familia, con un pastel y unos cuantos regalos. Entonces, si tenemos alguna actividad, seremos solo la familia, y si acaso unos pocos amigos cercanos. No va a ser la tremenda muchedumbre de amigos de la escuela quienes solo vienen para ver que consiguen gratis y para darme lata.
Aún cuando yo aprecio el paso del tiempo, al igual que cualquier otra persona. Me reúso a contribuir al desastre en que se han convertido las fiestas de cumpleaños. Y si Niel y Alan son invitados a alguna fiesta, me veré obligado, al igual que cualquier otro padre, a gastar mi tiempo y dinero en un niño que, honestamente, no me importa. Por mi parte, yo voy a celebrar los cumpleaños de mis hijos en privado con mi familia, y voy a guardar mi regocijo para los días festivos y otros eventos sociales aceptables. Yo simplemente no creo que los cumpleaños caigan en esta categoría.
LOL!!! “Little turds”! You’re cracking me up! Thanks for saying what we secretly think!
Totally agree with you on this one!! We have family parties and the kids invite can one or two close friends, that’s it. It’s such a waste of money on everyone’s part. The sad thing is I live in Texas where everyone feels it’s there duty to “out do” each other come birthday time, or really any time of the year for that matter. Which might explain why Texas is very high on the credit card debt and foreclosure stats. Pure craziness!!!!
Angie, you and I seem like we’re in agreement
Someone “gets” me! Thanks for the visit!
Agree with you concerning the gift-giving arms race. As a child, I was always looking forward to the social aspect of birthday parties: the games, the field trips. The gifts were only secondary. But I do remember my birthday parties fondly for their social character.
Thomas, I have decent memories of birthdays at my house also. But, I have a unique experience. My twin sister and I always had joint birthday parties, and she had tons of friends — I didn’t. I would have preferred a small gathering because that’s my comfort zone. But, yeah, still there were good memories.
Not only that, but this is a commercial activity, like Halloween. But if I’m getting freebies for myself and my young friends, why not?
.-= Dennis Yu´s last blog ..Are you a FAT ASS? =-.
Dennis, Freebies are nice and all, and the kids of course will exploit the opportunity. Makes sense. But, from a parental perspective I just don’t want to obligate other parents who might be tight on cash and who could better spend their money elsewhere
My wife loves planning the birthday parties for the kids and my sister even fought with my sister in law about the timing of their kids birthday parties. It’s a pretty big deal in our family.
.-= Steve´s last blog ..2 Good Reasons to Trust Turbo Tax This year =-.
Hi Steve. Thanks for the comment. I guess to each his own
I’m a person who hates crowds so anytime I see lots of people in one place I sorta freak out. But, I know where you’re coming from. I know lot’s of folks who have no problem at all hosting or attending these things. Thanks again!
We recently celebrated our daughter’s 3rd birthday party – at home, with extended family. It was better that way – intimate, celebratory, and attended out of love (not obligation).
I agree that birthday parties are best kept as family affairs, while other events that are less “one-sided” can be enjoyed by all. But to each his own, I suppose…
P.S. I also agree about Chuck E. Cheese. We have yet to take our girls there for the reasons you listed.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Themed Weekend: Babies Don’t Keep =-.
Hi Stephanie! Yes, so many people seem to agree that birthdays should be family affairs. I think it’s our voices though that are drowned out by all the rabble rousing going on with these affairs. It’s as if we’re the silent majority! HA
As a mom of 10 children, it wouldn’t be realistic of me to try and celebrate all my families birthdays in a grand manner on a regular basis. Simplicity works for us…we do occasionally have a party with friends over, but that is rare and only if the child is interested. We held a tea party last month for my 9 year old. My four oldest children planned it all and helped carry it out. It was a great success. We didn’t have party favors per se, we had a card-making activity and they took their cards home as a “favor.” I really dislike the ubiquitous junky favors.
Usually our celebration includes just our immediate family going out for dinner…grandparents might come over on the actual birthday with gifts…my sister comes over whenever she gets around to it…no big deal.
As for other children’s parties…there is a huge difference in buying for a child who is sincerely grateful and one who has everything under the sun and doesn’t even give your gift a second look. I feel prostituted in the latter cases.
Kathy
P.S. I love Chuck E Cheese’s pizza. Call me crazy.
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Kelly’s emergency =-.
Kathy, Wow! 10 Kids. Yeah, that wouldn’t be realistic at all. You are correct to use the term “Prostituted” in the case of having to buy a present for an ungrateful child. I couldn’t have put it better myself. Yes, you’re crazy for liking Chuck E Cheese pizza!
LOL
I have to agree with you on the whole birthday party situation. We have two daughters whom we adopted at different times at ages 4 and 13 (they are now 10 and 17). We have small, family-only parties most years, but on the “big” years (5, 10, 13, 16, and 18) they get to chose something special that includes inviting a friend or two. My older daughter, for example, chose to have the family go away to our favorite vacation spot for a weekend and bring along her best friend when she turned 16. We also celebrate a “gotcha” day (the day they came to live with us) and an adoption day (the day their adoptions were finalized). It’s almost like three birthdays a year each! Needless to say, I HAVE to keep it simple to be able to mark that many occasions.
Erica, that is such a cool idea. I was adopted and that would have really been a special idea when I was little. A “Gotcha” day is something I’m going to keep in mind for people I know who are going to adopt. Thank you for your comment!
i like this article. I’m a mummy of 2 and in 14 years of motherhood hosted one party.NEVER AGAIN.Im also of the belief that birthday celebrations should be intimate affairs,including only the people close enough to actually care.It all feels so insencere and awkward to me that i find myself cringing at the whole embarrasing episode.My daughter often brings home party invites from school and although she is only 6,informs me that the child who has requested her presence,allegedly,or should i say presents,is mean to her on a regular basis or that she has never once spoken to them.And thats the deciding factor,we dont give the invite another glance.Parents seem to think that i am social segregating my child.Please dont get me wrong,my daughter has 2 best friends who she socialises with outside of school,among others who regularly come over for tea and has no problems socialising at school whatsoever,but because we dont attend many social events outside school people think im somehow failing my motherly duties.Sorry for the cynicism guys!
This was a really good read and I guess all parents can relate to pretty much all of that, I have twins who are just about to turn 16 so now they’ve moved on from the traditional kids parties and want to invite loads of friends over to drink alcohol and jump around to very loud music for a few hours somehow I don’t think it’s going to happen.