Set me Adrift on an Iceberg When I get Old
By: Keith
We went to Kitty Hawk yesterday to see the field where the Wright brothers made their historic first flights. It’s a national monument. The visitor center contains a 200 seat auditorium with a replica Flyer where a park ranger gives a speech about the Wright brothers. The auditorium wasn’t full during our presentation, but I noticed that we were by far the youngest people in attendance. Most people looked to be in their mid 70’s. The talk was highly informative and interesting, and I appreciate the absence of screaming kids that would have ruined the experience. On the flip side, though, I can’t stand walking behind people who don’t have anywhere to be and couldn’t get their quickly even if they did. Being old must not be much fun. But, old, in itself, is not a bad state. What’s really bad is not being self sufficient. With that, I introduce the old guy on a fat/old people scooter.
The Stalled Scooter:
My grandpa became really immobile in the few years before he died. He needed help getting around, but that never had anything to do with what I thought of him. Keep in mind, then, that I’m not making fun of this poor scooter guy even though his predicament was undeniably funny (he was amused by it, too). The Wright monument sits on top of Kill Devil Hill, south of the flat portion of the field where the actual flights took place. It’s a long walk (about 1/3 mile) from the visitor center to the hill. The hill itself, paved, is steep and about 200 meters to the top. When the boys and I got to the hill and started up it we saw a guy on an electric scooter about 20 meters from the top not moving up and not rolling backwards. We thought he was taking panorama type pictures. I fleetingly wondered if he might have gotten stuck, but as we got closer he seemed cheerful and not stuck. We walked past him to the top, took our pictures, and played. Then we walked back down. From the top of the hill I saw the scooter guy at the bottom. And he was still in the same place 5 minutes later when we got down. When I walked next to him I stopped and asked him if he was concerned about his scooter conking out on him in strange places (like the side of Kill Devil Hill).
(Here is the man at the bottom of the hill waiting for his ride)
Yes. That’s a Problem:
He raised his finger and said “Actually…” and I said “Oh, no. Do you mean you were stuck up there when I walked by you?” I asked him, “how did you get back down?” He put the thing in neutral and coasted down the hill! I guess it was no big deal to get down the hill, but he was just sitting there at the bottom doing nothing. I asked him if I could push him back to his car. He said he didn’t need my help because he had sent his wife for the car. How fortunate. On the one hand, technology has given people like him the ability to get out and see the world. But, on the other hand, he’s could seriously get himself stuck without backup.
1. What if he didn’t have his wife with him? I wouldn’t mind getting his car for him, but it’s not like I’m willing to chauffeur him around town looking for a new scooter battery (he said something was wrong with the battery).
2. Driving that thing up Kill Devil Hill was an ill advised maneuver. Did his machine give him a false sense of freedom?
3. He was very overweight. 100 years ago he would either have to lose that weight or be bed ridden. It’s possible he was on medication that caused him to gain weight but, still. Why did he suddenly think taking a hill like that would be a good idea? Fat guy on dinky scooter equals a dinky scooter that will probably protest being driven up a steep hill. Seems obvious to me.
If I Become a Burden, Put me on an Iceberg!
We must all try to remain independent for as long as possible. When independence is no longer possible, we should hope there are people around us who care enough to pick up the pieces. I, for one, don’t enjoy being a burden. I especially wouldn’t want to burden my kids. In the case of this scooter guy, I think he has the responsibility to do everything he can to unburden the people around him. He could stand, as I witnessed, and I saw him walk a few steps without hanging onto anything. That means he could lose weight and walk further. The weight is a major hindrance to him and the people who help him (me, if I had asked me to push him around). The point is this: When you need help, you should be willing to also help yourself. He was a friendly guy; I liked talking to him. But he’s selfish if he makes unwise decisions with other people’s time. Accidents happen and we should all help our less fortunate neighbors. But those who are less capable should not expect help – just be grateful when they get it and do everything they can to help themselves.
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I’d think that you should be there for your family in old age, even at great cost.
Dennis: Obviously that’s not really the point. Wanting to help and not wanting to be a burden to those who help are two different things.
I feel the same way Keith. It’s the same way i feel if I die. Cheapest way possible. If cremation is cheapest, burn me. If throwing mean in a field and let me go back to dust is cheaper, then do it that way.
It’s the mindset we have as husbands and fathers. Obviously we would not want to cremate or toss our family in a field if they died. We’d want them to be taken care of as the delicate gifts they are. If my wife becomes a burden, even if she tells me too, I’m not going to put her on an iceberg. It’s just part of my commitment to take care of her in sickness and in health.
Growing old does not treat us kindly when we do not treat our bodies kindly as we are growing old. Do unexpected things happen? Sure, but I do not think an obesity of weight gain just happens unexpectedly. I’ve had this conversation with my step-father. He has adult onset diabetes. (it runs in his family) So if he knew he had to be careful with his food and weight due to the history of his family he would have taken precautions? Of course not. That would’ve made sense. We had a discussion at Thanksgiving and he says if he loses 20 pounds he might be able to make it go away. hmmm seems like a no brainer to me.
I’m with Eric on the cheapest disposal too. No burden on my family, but I also want my family to make the decision, not the government.
Keith, why that emphasis on being ‘self-sufficient’? Nobody is self sufficient. You, like the rest of us, rely on others to full fill your needs!
Just because people make wrong choices in their life doesn’t mean they should end up on an iceberg, old or not. Your argument that the gentleman on the scooter might have brought his immobility on himself doesn’t pull. You are, in effect, proposing a highly individualistic society with no collective responsibility, no helping hand in times of need. Every misfortune in life can be judged in a negative way with that kind of argumentation.
So, you broke your back during your karate training? It’s your own fault, you health fanatic! You are a burden now. Off to the iceberg
Jorg: No, I don’t advocate not taking help. All I’m saying is that when help is needed of other people, that the person being helped do everything they can to support themselves so as to make the helper’s job easier. The title is just an exaggeration that plays on the sentiment of not wanting to lay undue burden on those around us. I do advocate more individualism in society; people are already too expectant of government help. They think someone will always be there to bail them out, and that causes laziness. But, socialism is a discussion for another day; all I’m saying is that we should do what we can to help ourselves so that we’re taken seriously when we genuinely need assistance.
I enjoyed reading your perspective of this man’s demise. Having experienced quite a bit in my life time so far… I’d like to share a different perspective. Everyone interacts/reacts totally differently in any one situation, because of our learned experiences. We project our limited world views and knowledge on to others unconsciously all the time. From what you wrote sounds like you have great feelings about your father’s situation and possibly scared that if you become old and disabled that people around you (people/strangers) will think about you the way you are thinking about this man. To manage those unpleasant feelings, assuming and concluding that the man is selfish helps take away your (our) guilt. Seems as though he was managing his situation by himself just fine. You approached him not the other way around. So the man may have been a very happy guy and was doing great… he may perceive life as a marvelous place. He may feel he is a lucky man. Maybe he had already lost 100 pounds because of his daily outings where he can stand up and take baby steps and be in the fresh air. Who knows maybe in another year or so he’ll be doing marathons. Just wanted to give a different perspective on aging and disability . What we see may not tell the whole truth. (-: