Sleepovers are the Devil’s Work
By: Keith
Nah! I’m just kidding! They’re actually the work of masochistic parents who hate sleep and enjoy taking care of other people’s kids. I for one am not looking forward to hosting one of these events. I’m not what you’d call a people person, and I’m really not up for being responsible for anybody else’s kids. The potential problems with sleepovers begin and end with the possibility that you’re going to run afoul of another parent’s wishes or, worse, needs. A list of all the things that could go wrong:
1. Allergies: Do you know how many kids are running around with allergies (6% of kids have food allergies)? Well, peanut allergies are quite serious (I’ve written all about that).
There are also parents who have precious snowflakes who need the all organic, vegan, pansy-eating, rigidly fascist diets. Allergies are serious. Prissy food requests are not. I don’t want to be responsible for either.
2. Bed Wetters: It isn’t their fault. It really isn’t. I just don’t want to clean it up. When I was young I had a friend who wet the bed when he was at my house for a sleep over. My mom had to clean it, and she seemed pretty cheerful about it. I’m not sure I would be.
3. Tattling: I don’t want a 7 year old’s version of events painting me into a corner. Has anybody ever read the Crucible? Tituba got railroaded after a sleepover!
4. Fighting: What do you do when the little turds get into a fight in the middle of the night and one of them calls his mom? You sit there waiting for the parent to show up. Then you have to sit down and have some tea and talk about it.
5. Approved Fun: One of my boys has a friend whose mother is fanatically anti-gun. I let her kid play Call of Duty 4 on my Xbox once. When he tattled on me I got lectured by her about how, because Neil shoots virtual terrorists (which seems like pretty awesome fun to me), he is a negative influence on her son. Argh!
Some kids can only watch Disney movies. I can’t swear in front of them (I’ve heard that’s a bad thing to do) or otherwise say anything that could be construed as offensive (see #3).
6. Reciprocal Niceties: Don’t invite my kid to a sleepover. That’s just going to perpetuate the cycle, and it might never end until I move away in sheer frustration.
7. No Sleep: Sleepovers waste more than a night. And because I won’t get any sleep I’ll be stuck half asleep and unproductive the next day. 24 hours right down the tube.
I had a few sleepovers when I was a kid. I enjoyed the ones that involved sleeping over at my friend’s house, just me and him. I never liked sleepovers with more kids than two. With boys there’s always a fight, and there’s always one kid who gets picked on (like Chunk). The parents, as far as I’m concerned, must have been a little crazy to sign up for that duty because, even at the youthful age of 10, I knew it was a job I’d never want. These days, now that I’m a parent, I know for certain it’s a duty to avoid. There will naturally come a time when the subject will come up, and I’ll have to address it in the most rational way I can – probably by moving to another state.
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Witty– I had only a few sleepovers and they were great fun! Playing fort and making tents inside the house was the best.
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When I was young, it was always just one friend over for a sleepover, and they were a lot of fun. In HS it was four to six of us – but we were up playing D&D half the night, so not so much bedwetting
I hear you on the issues, and the “one friend” preference.
As a kid, I LOVED sleepovers!!!! As a parent, I’m with you 100%. You had me laughing out loud!!
Although, we do partake in cousin sleepovers. It’s easy when it’s family, since I have no problems disciplining my nieces and nephews!
Another state might be extreme, but certainly a different area code
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Yep. We’ve all experienced the sleepover from hell. I giggled and giggled when I read, “There are also parents who have precious snowflakes who need the all organic, vegan, pansy-eating, rigidly fascist diets.”
Hahahahahaha!