Red Hot Dogs and Other Unnatural Foods

By: Keith


I was watching a show yesterday about the best hot dog stands in the country.  Somehow I thought it would be educational since I don’t like hot dogs or give a crap in any way shape or form.  Nevertheless, I watched the show for sheer lack of anything better to do.  Each hot dog place had some claim to fame.  There was Law Dogs in Los Angeles CA that offers free legal advice once a week (yes, a real lawyer comes in on Wednesday evenings).  There’s Nathan’s Famous hot dogs of course who conduct their annual all American tribute to intestinal distress.  Some place in New Jersey fries all their hot dogs.  Chicago and New York squabble of who puts the best assortment of toppings on theirs.  Really though.  There isn’t much that distinguishes one hot dog from another.  It’s the gimmicks that make them memorable, not the hot dog itself.  Unless of course you happen to eat a bright red one.  Then the gimmick is actually made right into the dog.  We can thank the ubiquitousness of the hot dog in general for the ridiculous addition of food dyes Red #6 Red #40 and Red #4 as distinguishing characteristics of an already questionable food.  Might as well bedazzle them too.  A hot dog is a novelty food; it doesn’t need additional novelty.  Why would people want a red one?  It doesn’t taste any different brown ones, and the food dyes are pretty bad for you (been banned in Europe for making kids hyperactive).     


Since we’re talking about hot dogs, the American Academy of Pediatrics wants a hot dog redesign because hot dogs are a choking hazard for kids.  According to USA Today “17% of food-related asphyxiations are caused by hot dogs.”  There’s an inventor who has made a device called the Kinder Cut Hot Dog Slicer.  It’s a tube that you insert the hot dog into and push down on.  It slices partially through the hot dog lengthwise making 6 cuts, and that’s supposed to minimize the choking hazard.  Of course a fork and knife work pretty well too.     


In other hot dog related news, Subway is making world class idiots out of themselves by sending cease and desist letters to hot dog vendors who use the term “Foot Long” in their advertising.  This considering that foot long hot dogs have been around forever (you can read more about it here).  Basically, I don’t want to eat at Subway anymore after reading that article.  I don’t like hot dogs, but I do like standing up for the little guy.  Subway can take a hike as far as I’m concerned.     


Well, the silliness of red hot dogs got me thinking about other unnecessary foods.  Some of the better ones…     


Cheese Burger in a Can:  I’m sure it doesn’t actually look like that out of the can.     


Pre-Filled Bagels:  Leave it to Kraft to pre-fill a bagel and not even make it round.     



Canned Whole Chicken:  If you eat one of these, let me know because that’s just gross.     



Egg Tube:  One of many similarly weird food related oddities from the Japan.     

12 Responses to “Red Hot Dogs and Other Unnatural Foods”
  1. Mely Wilcox June 1, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    Este artículo me trae recuerdos de mi puesto de hot dogs favorito en Puebla. Titíos. Las salchichas estaban enrolladas en tocino y cocinadas sobre el sartén. En el mismo súper sartén fundían el queso con champiñones y esta mezcla iba sobre la salchicha y como último ingrediente le ponían guacamole. Mmm, se me está haciendo agua la boca nada más de acordarme.

  2. Laurie Labelle June 1, 2010 at 2:18 pm #

    Very interesting article about hod dogs! I didn’t know about the effects of food dyes on children (especially since it was banned from Europe) and all this strange food sold in a can (so weird! I would never have thought of packaging it and selling it like that). The bagel that are not even round are strange too.

    On the other hand, the egg tube is somewhat cool for preparing salads and other such things, especially if you are ready to pay big bucks to save a little bit of time on the cooking, preparing, and slicing (not my case, though).
    Thanks Keith!

  3. PJ Mullen June 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm #

    OK, that chicken in a can nearly made me vomit. And I’m totally with you on Subway. I’d love to hear who the nimrod was that offered that piece of legal advice. They probably got their law degree from the same can that chicken was in.
    .-= PJ Mullen´s last blog ..Road Trip! =-.

  4. Adac June 1, 2010 at 7:17 pm #

    aqui en mochis sinaloa por 20 pesos te dan un hotdog muy bueno con multitudes de ingredientes de buena calidad y nada artificial, claro hay de puestos a puestos, pero le ponen mucho sabor e higiene, y con eso tienen los dueños del carrito de hotdogs para hacerse famosos, sin necesidad de irse a propagandas que no tienen nada que ver con lo que venden.


  5. Mitzi June 1, 2010 at 9:12 pm #

    That chicken in a can is just disgusting! I have never seen that before, and don’t wanna. And the tube-o-egg from Japan really is just WEIRD. One thing I like is how Europe is smart enought to ban so many things that aren’t good for us. Why can’t the US follow suit?

  6. Keith Wilcox June 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm #

    Hola Adac, por acá ya no encuentras carritos de hot dogs tan facilmente, de vez en cuando se pone uno afuera del Home Despot (ferreteria de mayoreo). Pero en Boulder tenemos un local al que nos gusta ir que esta junto a la universidad, se llama “Mustard’s Last Stand”. Aquí los más baratos y sencillos te salen en $2.50, pero tienen un montón de opciones con diferentes tipos de salchichas, incluso vegetarianas. Gracias por visitar y por tu comentario :-)
    .-= Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Red Hot Dogs and Other Unnatural Foods =-.

  7. Mely Wilcox June 2, 2010 at 1:01 pm #

    Ya me imagino Adac, ¿sabías que Sergio por algún tiempo tuvo un carrito de hot dogs y hamburguesas? Eso fue antes de que se casara con Dafne, así que ya llovió, pero me acuerdo que sus productos sabían bien ricos y como dices, su changarrito siempre estaba bien limpio y sí tenía mucha gente
    .-= Mely Wilcox´s last blog ..Red Hot Dogs and Other Unnatural Foods =-.

  8. Papa K June 2, 2010 at 2:05 pm #

    You speak Spanish too? Man dude… you do it all!

    I, for one, enjoy hot dogs even though i konw they tend to be ground up scrotums and nostrils of pigs… but I try not to think of that. I enjoy the little concepts people want to try and put behind them (or in them) to try and sell them.

    Although… when my two year old eats them I tend to cut each circle of hot dog into about 8 pieces just to make ABSOLUTLY positive there’s no choking possibility.

    Also… that tube of egg looks a little frightening. So does that chicken. Bleck.
    .-= Papa K´s last blog ..A Place To Be Me =-.

    • Keith June 3, 2010 at 1:35 pm #

      PapaK: I guess I’m a regular Renaissance man :-). Seriously though, my wife has to correct my Spanish a lot because it’s got a bunch of typical gringo mistakes. It’s definitely a good idea to cut them up for the little ones. I wonder why there’s a device for that when a knife and fork work so well.

  9. Chris June 4, 2010 at 12:26 am #

    Customizing the hot dogs themselves is probably too expensive, so they are usually covered with lots of junk instead. But there is a place in Seattle that does it right, it’s called The Frankfurter–and they ship nationwide.
    .-= Chris´s last blog ..Kung Fu Bear Will Defeat Your Entire Clan! =-.

  10. Frank Escudero March 12, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    Hello, I hear you can do everything! Can you tell me where to find the machine that makes those looooong eggs? Any machine factory you know? =D

  11. Necole Sass November 29, 2011 at 4:58 pm #

    The red hot dog has been perfected in upstate NY. Glazier,s red slinned hot dogs are the best hot dogs in the world. They are very different in flavor compared to regular hot dogs. Frank-ly Glazier’s hot dogs are the best hot dogs on the face of the planet.

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