Atrayendo mujeres: El machismo está pasado de moda
By: Keith
¿Por qué es que la chica que tú quieres siempre termina decidiéndose por el macho cabrón en lugar de elegirte a ti? Mi teoría es que ella es estúpida, él es estúpido, y tú estás equivocado por estar queriéndola desde un principio. Esta es una observación bien científica, ¿no? Probablemente me sienta de esa manera porque yo nunca he sido de tipo duro, y se siente mejor el pensar que el detestable fortachón y la rubia boba están consiguiendo exactamente lo que se merecen, toda una vida de bendita mediocridad. Puede que no sea cierto, pero te hace sentir mejor el pensarlo así. Yo era tímido de niño. Yo tuve algo muy cercano a un miedo patológico a hablar con niñas bonitas que me duró hasta la universidad. Aún después de haber podido encontrar el valor para abrir mi boca, las palabras que salieron de esta no fueron exactamente Shakespeare. En retrospectiva yo no culpo a las niñas por su falta de interés en mí. Por lo tanto, gracias a una infancia llena de constantes citas desatinadas y oportunidades perdidas, yo fui cínico hacia el machismo (y aún lo soy) – y tal vez estaba un poco celoso por no ser el tipo duro que pensé les gustaría a las mujeres. Resulta que no debería haberme preocupado. La Barbie naca puede tener a su Hulk anabólico. Nosotros, los fuertes y silenciosos, tenemos a la ciencia y resultados verdaderos de nuestro lado.
No debería haberme preocupado:
Un estudio reciente en el Diario de Psicología Social Experimental mostró que la mayoría de las mujeres piensan que la agresión masculina es una mata pasiones. Puede que el machismo te ayude a ganar una pelea en el bar, pero no te va a ayudar a ganarte a la chica. Los idiotas, en otras palabras, pueden seguirse peleando unos con otros como un montón de sudorosos neandertales. Y mientras ellos se pelean tú tendrás la libertad para calmadamente, y sin apestar como buey, hacer tu movimiento. De hecho, el calmado determinismo es la estrategia que yo empleé cuando comencé a salir con Mely hace 14 años. Ella en ese entonces tenía un novio macho, y yo decidí que la mejor línea de ataque era el eludir al fulano y concentrarme en el premio. Funcionó bien. Para realizar su estudio, los investigadores presentaron a un grupo de mujeres varios escenarios con hombres hostigando, verbal o físicamente, a otros hombres. Ellos también remarcaron las reacciones de las víctimas de esos abusos. La mayoría de las mujeres juzgaron que los hombres que trataron de alejarse o evitar la confrontación fueron los más atractivos. Por su parte, los hombres pensaron que las mujeres preferirían a u n hombre quien confronta a su agresor con más agresión. Su modo de pensar fue (y usualmente es) que las mujeres querrían a un hombre fuerte; y fortaleza, para algunos hombres, significa meterse en peleas. Equivocado. Desafortunadamente para ellos las mujeres tienen ideas diferentes acerca de lo que constituye la fortaleza. Se requiere de mayor auto control y madurez para poder apartarse de una pelea. Ese tipo de madurez es lo que las mujeres más desean. No ser un cobarde, sino ser lo suficientemente fuerte como para sobrepasar el conflicto. Las mujeres abrumadoramente prefieren a un hombre que evita el conflicto, aún si eso significa que el hombre va a tener que alejarse de una situación en la que él hubiera estado justificado a responder con fuerza.
La lección es clara: Si te gusta que hombres bruscos y sudorosos se amontonen en tu espacio personal, entonces puedes tener eso. Pero, si estas interesado en mujeres, tal vez quieras dejar tu acto y en su lugar debas concentrarte en la mujer.
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I read the second line of this article and laughed out loud. Thanks, Keith.
Wow, that’s a real detailed study there. Way to take all the complexity of female thought and hormonal mood swings and condense them into total bs twisted to suit your needs. Tell ya what, though. You want to know what women go for? Ask them.
B: Wasn’t meant to be a detailed study. What made you think that was the intention? It’s just a short commentary on a study that was done last year — obviously. Duh.
What a bunch of crap.
Let me tell you what women want. Despite what the psycho “feminists” tell you, we just want a guy who makes the first move.
Men who are afraid to talk to women first are a turn off. Instead of fearing rejection, just come over and say hi and that you think we’re attractive. Even if we turn you down, consider the emotional boost you’ve just given us. In a world where we’re constantly told we’re not thin enough, not pretty enough, because we don’t fit in some cookie cutter mold of beauty as decided by the fashion industry, a man telling us we’re pretty is needed.
Even if you get turned down, you can walk away knowing you just saved us $200 in a therapy session. Just TALK to us, men! Talk to us first and don’t wait for us to talk to you.
Jami: That’s some advice I could have used in high school and college! Thanks for the insight
“scenarios of men harassing, verbally or physically, other men…” If that’s all these women were shown it’s basically a biased study. How many women do you know that would respond favorably to scenes of that kind?
“women have different ideas about what constitutes strength” This is a valid point and the only one in this article I would give credence to.
“Women overwhelmingly prefer men who avoid conflict….” That is a bit of a leap, don’t you think? To me that reads as ‘Women don’t like men being violent, so they must like men who avoid conflict all together.’
Bit if insight: It’s not about showing off, or proving you’re the biggest bad out there. That kind of display tends to be more for the man’s benefit, to make him feel better about himself. Women respond to self-confidence. Like Jami said, things like making the first move count for a lot. As for conflict, I want one I can lean on, who will have my back when I need him to. That doesn’t mean I want him to fight over me. Neither does it mean that when push comes to shove, I’ll want him to tuck tail and run. It would just be nice to know that in a conflict, he’s on my side. That’s all.
B: Having been involved in a few studies myself when I was in college, I can assure you that if it was published in a respected journal that these scenarios were fully vetted and that the researchers took into account as many variables as possible for the scope of the question being asked. Like I said before, I’m writing an opinion based on the results, not a full explanation of the published study. It seems you expect more than an opinion based on a three sentence result. That being the case, I suggest you look subscribe to the journal in question and read the entire study. Of course, that would probably take an afternoon. Not sure you’d be up for that kind of boredom. I’m not.
Jami’s got it!!! I agree wholeheartedly. That and humor. A man who makes me laugh is someone I look forward to seeing again. And again.
But there are also men who overdo the talking and flattery and end up losing me completely. If you go on and on too much it’s actually embarrassing for me, and I’ll avoid you later. Just talk, light flattery, and make me laugh.
You are on thin ice with this blog, Keith. I know only one thing: There is a huge difference between what women (and men) say they want on a questionnaire or in a study and what they really, really, really want. That’s much harder to find out.
Many of those psycho studies are biased and skewed. Individuals idealize very often their behaviour during experiments but will behave differently, sometimes even diametrically, in real life situations.
There is a classic experiment in which volunteers are shown images of men and women in the nude. The volunteers had to fill in forms, recording which part of the nude body they set eyes on first.
A control group saw the same images but this time an electronic device tracked every eye movement. Of course, the results differed widely between the first and the second group.
And I’m sure, even the results in the second group are somewhat biased since all volunteers are aware that they are being watched.
Jorg: Obviously, then, studies are of no use. Makes me wonder why they’re done at all. I did not read the original publication so I can’t speak to the researcher’s methods. But, perhaps your assuming that it was not thorough or that only one observational method was use. Perhaps it is wrong, but I don’t think that can be said simply by the scant recounting of it that I gave here. I think we’d have to know the whole study to find out for sure.
My comment is not an attempt to rubbish the study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology and certainly not your article. I merely want to point out common flaws that tend to ‘creep’ into that kind of study. Just wanna keep you on your toes, that’s all.
Would be great if you could post a link to the original article.
BTW, Your blogs are great. It looks as if you and I share very similar interests even though I’m not always agreeing with your views.. but such is life, we can’t please everybody.
Jorg (Sure wish I knew how to html an umlaut on your name): I tried to look up the original study. I should have mentioned that I got the synopsis from a Men’s Health Magazine from last year (I’ve been storing clippings like that for a long time to use when the mood strikes me
. Men’s Health is an entertaining magazine, but they’re also notorious for taking convenient portions of studies from which to make quick articles. I’m sure the original study has more to it than this simplified conclusion that I’ve related. Nevertheless, it makes for an interesting topic of conversation! It seems there are several studies done on the comparisons between male and female aggression in relation to libido and dating and such. I’m not sure which one Men’s Health was referring to specifically, but if I find it, I’ll link it. Thanks, as always, for the thoughtful comments, Jorg!
Women who like that macho, in your face, take any and all takers, usually finds that this same attitude will eventually turn on them. For some reason lots of men seem to equate strength with attitude…it’s so stupid.
HTML: ö or ö
Normal writing: keep the key pressed and punch in the ascii code 148 or 246 (depending on your keyboard configuration) on they numerical keypad. (make sure NUMPAD is turned on)
Easiest way: just copy and paste the name
But I’m cool with ‘Jorg’ as well.
http://webdesign.about.com/od/localization/l/blhtmlcodes-de.htm
http://www.killersites.com/webDesignersHandbook/ascii_page2.htm
Jörg: Cut and paste! Duh. Sometimes My stupidity even surprises me
Sure, women usually want men to make the first move and come talk to us, but what does that have to do with male aggression over all? Do we really want a “tough” guy, who made the first move to talk to us and may later turn that “aggression” on us or on our children?
Most men do not walk away from trouble with their tails between their legs. “Smart men” can access a situation and know if it’s something they can walk away from or if it’s a situation that they need to actually defend their family, or whatever the problem may be.
As for finding a shy or quiet man a boring turn off… oh please. If you constantly need someone to tell you you’re not fat or whatever, means your self-esteem is probably too low to begin with and you might want to concentrate on working on that first. When you feel better about yourself, you will usually attract better people to you.
Give me a strong, confident man who is a great husband and father, and that is all I need. Oh wait, I already have that! And that is after going through a few “aggressive jerks” along the way. It wasn’t until I changed my own outlook that good things started happening. Don’t shut out the quieter men with a good head on their shoulders for the loud one at the bar.
Nely: Thank you! That’s exactly what I was trying to say
Seems some people misunderstood my description of non-confrontational and thought I meant wimp. Big difference. I was starting to think I was speaking an alien language or something.
What I want to know is, why do men find it necessary to use big words like in your opening cartoon? I asked a man once, not to swear in my presence. The next time he did, and the next time, and the next, I was quite put off. I asked why, when in the presence of other men, he couldn’t respect me more than using show-offy language with the guys. His response? “Sometimes a 4 letter word gets your point across like a regular one can’t.”
I’m sorry. Very immature, just like the machismo tough guy act is. I can do without childishness.
Of course, in today’s world, the female gender uses as much-if not more undesirable language than the men do. I am still offended by it. I suppose I grew up in a kinder, gentler time. My parents never swore, so I never learned this bad habit. We also didn’t hear it on television or in movies.
I sound so old, but my point is, a like a good old fashioned gentleman.
I honestly don’t think most women know what they want. I think women have a natural tendency to want a man who can provide security and protection, but society is telling them they should also want to be with the “top dog” or the alpha male despite the fact that the reason most “top dogs” look so good is because they are too much of an asshole for anyone to want to hang with them.
I think confidence and constancy of purpose are important determining factors. The problem with relying on these two factors, though, is that self confidence can be swayed by environment and constancy of purpose can come across as fanatical in the wrong setting.
I think it all boils down to what my dad told my ugly brother (there’s always one ugly brother. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s you.) he told him, “There’s an ass for every saddle!”
JAJAJA LOS HOMBRES SON TREMENDOS LAMENTABLEMENTE VIVIMOS EN UN SIGLO QUE SON MUY DIFICIL DE CREER Y CONFIAR YA QUE MUCHOS DE ELLOS SOLO SE BURLAN DE LAS MUJERES, LAMENTABLEMETE EN MI OPINION EL 75% DE LOS HOMBRES ESTAN CORATDOS CON LA MISMA TIJERA….. CEREBRO SEXO SEXO SEXO LAMENTABLEMETE,,,,,
Yo pienso que el corazon de las mujeres esta lastimado x tantas mentiras de estos hombres, en mi opinon tratalos como te traten y sigue la historia pero jamas te enamores, o te entregues al 100% si no quieres sufrir, si es lindo se linda si es malo se mala y termina antes de causar dano… EL control lo tiene una y la felicidad esta en tus manos…. asi que a elijir bien x que hay tantos desgraciados x ahi que solo se aprovechan, y por ende muchas mujeres igual se aprovechan de otros inocentes,,, en fin es una cadena que no termina,,, pagan justos x pecadores,,,, jajajaja!! x eso ami solo me gusta lo mas lindo el principio y bye bye antes de enamorarme para que nadie salga lastimado….