Educando en el hogar y socialización
By: Keith
Lo escucho todo el tiempo. Lo primero que la gente me pregunta cuando les digo que mis hijos son educados en casa es, “Bueno y, ¿qué tanto tienen interacciones sociales?” Existe claramente la percepción que los niños que son educados en casa no están bien ajustados en comparación con los niños que atienden a una escuela pública. Francamente, cualquiera que sugiere que mis hijos son socialmente raros, o van a convertirse en retardados sociales, no los conoce y no me conocen a mí. No hay ninguna duda en mi cabeza de que lo que estoy haciendo es lo correcto; en ambos ramos, educacional y social. Hace unos días me puse a buscar información que comprueba que lo que yo digo es cierto. Es bueno, para beneficio de este artículo, que existan estudios que refutan el argumento de la falta de socialización del estudiar en casa.
La Investigación
“Stought (1992), viendo particularmente a la socialización, he comparado 30 familias que educan en casa y 32 familias convencionales que atienden escuelas públicas; familias con niños de 7 a 14 años de edad. De acuerdo con los resultados, los niños que son educados en casa obtuvieron las herramientas, el conocimiento, y las actitudes necesarias para funcionar en sociedad…al mismo nivel que sus contrapartes que atendieron a escuelas públicas.” En investigador no encontró ninguna diferencia en el concept de si mismos en ninguno de los dos grupos de niños. Stough mantiene que, “hasta ahora, el concepto de si mismo es un reflejo de la socialización, y parece que pocos de los niños educados en casa son socialmente desfavorecidos, y que existe suficiente evidencia que indica que algunos de los niños educados en casa tienen un nivel más alto del concepto de si mismos, que sus contrapartes que atendieron a escuelas convencionales.” — Lee Stough, Universidad de Virginia del Oeste, M.S. Tésis
Pero espera, hay más. El siguiente es un fragmento de un documento de reglas de educación del Instituto Fraiser y escrito por Patrick Basham, John Merrifield, y Claudia R. Hepburn. Desafortunadamente no pude encontrar la disertación original de Larry Shyers (Doctor en Disertaciones de la Universidad de Florida). Pero se encuentra una referencia en la bibliografía de este documento (aquí está el link) para cualquiera que esté interesado en buscar la fuente.
“In 1992, el profesor Larry Shyers hizo una valoración para ver si los niños educados en casa sufrían de retraso y desarrollo social. El estudio observo niños jugando libremente y en actividades de interacciones en grupo. Shyers encontró que los niños en escuelas públicas tenían problemas de comportamiento más significantes que los niños educados en casa. Posiblemente esto se debió a que los modelos principales de comportamiento de los niños educados en casa son sus padres, mientras que los modelos de los niños en escuelas públicas son otros niños del mismo nivel y edad. Syers concluye que no hay una diferencia significante entre niños que son educados en casa y los que son educados en escuelas públicas en términos del concepto de sí mismos o de afirmación personal.” (Shyers 1992)
Investigaciones Contradictorias
Para ser completamente justo, también busque artículos que contradijeran esta evidencia. Pero no pude encontrar ninguno. Parece ser que, concepto general de que los niños que son educados en casa presentan problemas sociales es completamente fabricado y mantenido por rumores nada más. Honestamente yo no pude encontrar ningún artículo con pruebas científicas, solamente artículos con opiniones de lo que la gente cree. No hay problema aceptando el hecho de que los niños educados en casa sacan mejores calificaciones cuando presentan los exámenes estandarizados SAT y ACT por ejemplo) que sus contraparte educados en escuelas públicas. La gente, cuando se presenta ante el fracaso, algunas veces usa mentiras como último recurso. Y no estoy afectando palabras. La gente que sugiere que los niños que son educados en casa son inferiores debido a la fala de socialización lo hacen sin tener ninguna prueba. Yo hasta tuve a un chamaco engreído de 16 años de edad tratando de decirme que yo era un mal padre porque educo a mis hijos en casa, y que yo les estoy preparando para fracasar en el futuro al hacerlo. Primero, niños de 16 años por lo regular no tienen hijos. De donde saco la idea este muchacho que podía enseñarme algo acerca de ser padre. Por Dios, si el mismo todavía está siendo cuidado por sus propios padres. Segundo, si el va a tener la seguridad de decirme esas cosas, será mejor que tenga evidencia que respalde sus opiniones. Pero por supuesto, no tenía ninguna. Su evidencia era que, “cada niño que he conocido que ha sido educado en casa ha sido diferente.” Tal vez esto sea evidencia suficiente par aun niño de 16 anos. Yo adjudico su falta de respeto a un mal criamiento por parte de sus padres. Si él mismo es su propia idea de socialización, entones estoy contento de que se haya molestado – cualquier cosas diferente a lo que él es tiene que ser mucho mejor. ( yo me conectaría con su blog, pero no le quiero dar trafico).
El Mundo Real
El mundo real es todo lo que nos rodea. Alicia en el Mundo de las Maravillas no era real. Los niños educados en casa viven en el mundo real al igual que cualquier otra persona. Yo escucho, algunas veces, la sugerencia de que los niños educados en casa no están viviendo en el mundo real. Desde mi punto de vista, si están viviendo en el mundo real. Mis experiencias no son similares a las de, por decir, un Mongol que creció en un grupo nómada y es cazador. ¿Qué acaso no vivimos los dos en el mundo real? “Pero,” tu puede decir, “El niño mongol no tiene que caber en nuestra sociedad. Yo me imagino que él estaría completamente perdido en los Estados Unidos. “Y en ese punto, existen cerca de 1.5 millones de niños educados en casa en los Estados Unidos. Hay gente que está siendo, y ha sido educada en casa en todas partes, niños y adultos, gente trabajando con nosotros y haciendo las mismas cosas que nosotros para divertirse. Yo no veo letras H escarlata en la ropa de las personas, ni escucho sirenas en sus cabezas indicando quienes son las personas que fueron educadas en casa. Obviamente se han mezclado con el resto de la sociedad. El argumento de vivir en el mundo real no pega. Yo hasta le puedo dar la vuelta y puedo decir que los niños en escuelas públicas están en desventaja porque están confinados a las cuatro paredes de la institución protectora todo el día, por lo que no están bien preparados para enfrenar los retos una vez que sean soltados – muy parecido al prisionero que ha estado encarcelado por mucho tiempo y por fin es dejado salir al sol (checa la Redención de Shawshank – Shawshank Redemption).
Mis Actividades
He mencionado antes, en otros artículos, los lugares que hemos visitado. Nosotros no nos quedamos en casa tejiendo todo el día. Vamos de vacaciones a ver los Estados Unidos. Nos pasamos los días normales yendo de compras o dando la vuelta en la ciudad interactuando con un montón de gentes diferentes (pues después de todo, vivimos en Boulder Colorado). Mis hijos tienen clases de gimnasia en el centro comunitario, y también tienen clases de Judo en un estudio de artes marciales. Van a nadar a la alberca pública durante el verano, y van a tomar lecciones de esquí una vez que empiece a caer la nieve. Ayer fuimos al Museo del Niño, la semana pasada fuimos al acuario, y la próxima semana queremos ir al Parque Nacional de Yellowstone. Si, no salimos lo suficiente, eso es.
Este artículo es un poco disperso. A diferencia de muchos de mis otros artículos, yo escribí este en respuesta a ser constantemente molestado y agobiado por gente que me hace perder el tiempo con sus acusaciones inadecuadas. Preguntas inocentes están bien, pero cuando vienen llenas de asunciones, se me suben los vapores. Nuestras actividades diarias y nuestras vidas son como las de los demás. Mis hijos no son socialmente torpes. Hasta eso, ellos son excepcionalmente amables cuando deben comportarse y afirmadores cuando la situación lo requiere. L agente que nos conoce sabe que digo la verdad. Es solamente la gente que no me conoce quienes parecen tener problemas con lo que hago. Eso es contundente.
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Absolutely!
A number of my cousins were home schooled and the are more socially adept than most kids their age – even more so than adults. The only kids I’ve ever seen that suffered from homeschooling were the ones whose parents approached it with a slack attitude which in turn, translated down to the kids. Sounds like you guys have a lot of fun.
I love the anti social picture, lmao!
Keith
-I was not trying to accuse you of being a bad parent…
-I was just providing my insights….based on my experiences, not uneducated accusations.
-I never accused your kids of being socially awkward, but obviouslly you took it that way because you wrote 2 blog posts about it.
-To state my veiws I dont feel I need research to back myself up, because I am just speaking out of my experiences with other homeschooled kids.
-But ironically why dont you,Keith the great teacher, teach your kids how to ski, instead of putting them in lessons apart from you all day!
This is hilarious! Let’s see when all the homeschoolers come to the defense!
I love the social picture too!!!! I’m somewhat anti social for the same reason.
Some of the most well adjusted people I know were home schooled. They grew up worrying about getting their school work done and not about what they were going to wear to school tomorrow or who would eat lunch with them. And anyone who went to public school can attest to the fact that it is full of social cripples.
It’s my opinion (as a homeschooler) that you can never replace or replicate the social skills learned at school. Realize that this is relatively the first generation of homeschool existence. We have yet to hear the independent views of grown-up homeschoolers.
Many times there doesn’t seem to be a social problem because there is no raw peer criticism. This criticism doesn’t stop with grade-school, however, but continues on into the career/dating life. The benefit that conventional students have is they are accustomed to this peer rejection/acceptance and have learned to handle themselves.
What we find with homeschoolers is, yes, their grades are good but they are unable to break the social code of the world. They are behind a wall that everyone else can see but them. Once they understand the existence of this wall they either go into denial or insanity.
Phil. I appreciate you’re comment, but you are wrong. There is evidence and this is NOT the first homeschooled generation. I have provided ample evidence to support my claims. I want to see what evidence you have, other than anecdotal, that homeschooling produces anti-social people. I don’t know how you can claim this is the first generation of homeschoolers. That’s just totally historically wrong. As a matter of fact, homeschooling was the norm for thousands of years before the 20th century. Seriously, I appreciate opinions and all, but opinions without facts aren’t worth much. You are making claims that have never been proven, never. Whereas I have made claims that actually have solid research behind them. My kids do the things I do every day. They conduct business with me and interact with my clients. Your silly claim of being able to “break the social code” is just that, silly. How better to learn social skills by interacting in the REAL world. Sorry, public schools are very much less a practical learning experience than, I don’t know, running a business with your family. Show me evidence.
Actually, Phil, there are whole books of adults who were homeschooled, their experiences, and how it turned out in their own words.
So I suggest you find those books and read them, and read about other people’s experiences online.
And homeschooling has been around for ages, so this isn’t the first generation of homeschoolers. In fact George Washington and Thomas Edison were homeschooled, and that says a lot! A lot of other famous people have been homeschooled also.
You can read about some of them at my blog if you like:
http://www.homeschoolingwithattitude.com
Obviously, you have some issues with the way your parents approached it or how you feel about it, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad in general.
Perhaps you need to get some therapy about these issues so you can move past them and start to enjoy your life again! That’s something I had to do about issues that happened in PUBLIC school, so hey, maybe there’s something deeper going on.
Anyway, we have a fabulous time with our homeschooling! homeschool rock climbing (gotta love that discount!), gymnastics, horseback riding lessons, tons of fun homeschool groups to hang out with, co-ops, parties, get togethers, camp outs, field trips, and all kinds of fun stuff.
I think it really boils down to the parents approach on things and that’s the same in homeschool or public school, so…
Take care, I hope you find a way to heal your wounded feelings and move on and have fun with life!
This isn’t about stats this is about experience. I was homeschooled for junior high and high school and am 25 now.
What will happen when they get to college and can’t make real friends because no one can relate to that kind of childhood? Who will be there for them besides you?
What if they hate you down the road?
Believe me my parents came up with all the same stats all the theories. But in the end they were all wrong. I wish I had the courage to say this to them when I was younger but now it’s too late.
Please don’t reply.
This is my blog. So I’ll go ahead and reply. I’m happy to debate, and since it’s my article and you want to debate it, i will. You are saying that since you had a bad experience that everyone has a bad experience? Seriously? That’s your evidence? Do better. What will happen when my kids get into college? Oh, I dunno. Maybe they’ll learn something, make friends and then become successful. They might hate me down the road, but I doubt it. Listen, it’s unfortunate that you are unhappy with your childhood, but it’s stupid to project that onto all homeschoolers just as it’s stupid to say all public school kids are happy, well adjusted people. I went to a private boarding school — my experience is different than most other people’s. I guess I must be a freak who is ill adjusted to dealing with “normal” people who went to public school. Again, seriously? You have no argument because, like I’ve taken the time to research, there is no evidence for your opinion. You are not a rule, you are an individual who had a bad experience.
You said “Maybe they’ll learn something, make friends and then become successful.” what if maybe they don’t? Are you sure you can risk that and could you live with yourself if they don’t?
Regardless of how good the homeschooling is and how well they are socialized- in the end they will be different then most people they will ever meet. This is very painfull and I am trying to express this pain today as a warning.
It isn’t a risk to be different. It’s good to be different. I can certainly live with my decisions. I am different than everybody I know and I’m proud of it. I make my money by working for myself. Most people wake up at 6AM and go to work and toil all day. I don’t. That makes me very very different. Is that bad? Most people wish they had my situation. I’d call that fortunate not painful. Phil, you have it entirely within your grasp to make your life what you want it to be. That might seem like a platitude to say, but it’s true. Your life wouldn’t magically be any better if you had gone to public school or had a different childhood. For all you know it could have been worse, but it doesn’t matter. You are clearly feeling pain about what you perceive to be an experience that is now holding you back? Who’s fault is that? Your parents? No, it’s yours, and you can change it. Why not wake up in the morning, resolve to do things differently and change your future? Your homeschooling, unless something really traumatic happened, is hardly to blame for whatever problems you might have. It’s your inability to let it go that is holding you back. If there is one thing I want my boys to know it is that they can make their lives whatever they want it to be regardless of whatever stupid mistakes I make as a parent. Public schools don’t determine who you are as a person just like homeschools don’t. The object for parents is to allow kids to find their own way in life. I’m doing that. Homeschooling has nothing to do with that.
.-= Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Pumpkin Carvings: Most Creative =-.
What I’m saying is conventional school is very common, homeschool is not. In the end they will be very uncommon…which may be too much for them-it was for me.
See my personality is to blend in…then excel.
I never had the chance to blend in so I never excelled.
The negative impact of homeschooling won’t set in until they start dating. And not arranged dating I mean actual dating.
But if things do go wrong you may never bring yourself to admit to it and go into complete denial like my parents.
Phil, I’m sorry to say it, but you aren’t taking responsibility for your life. It’s up to you to make your life what you want it to be. Blaming past events does no good, and if you keep saying that you are not excelling because of something in the past then what are your chances of actually excelling? Won’t that stumbling block always be there? What will change? You and I have a fundamental difference of opinion. I know several people who were home schooled and I never would know unless they told me. They are married with families and seem to be happy. You are projecting your experience onto all home schoolers, and your reality only extends as far as you. My kids are not you, I am not your parents, and their lives will be unique to them. Things can always go wrong. Sure, I can screw up at home schooling, but so too can public schools. Look around you. You admit that most people go to public schools. Are you then saying that all the freaks and unsuccessful people are coming out of non-public schools? Or worse, that all unsocialized people are homeschooled? Or are you just saying that all home schoolers are unsocialized? How does that explain all the other weirdos out there?
By the way, my kids have plenty of friends. They do gynmastics, karate, and judo. They participate in after school activities and have friends who are public schooled. I don’t know where you’re pulling out the assumption that my kids are not socialized. They make friends wherever they go.
Your right about everything.
All I know is homeschool made me miserable short term and long term. Thats all I can scientifically say.
Phil, we’re wrong about stuff all the time. I appreciate your sincere belief that homeschooling was wrong for you. It probably was wrong for you and you must still be carrying around quite a bit of feelings about it. The point I’m trying to make is that now that you’re an adult you can do what you want, whatever suits your fancy. I don’t want to see anybody miserable, least of all good people who are trying to help. I just happen to think your outlook on life needs a tweak. If there is one thing I’ve learned as a parent it is that if something is not working then it’s advisable to do something else. I had a cousin who kept making terrible life decisions and was getting into trouble all the time. i wanted to help, but the only advice I could give was this: Any change is good change no matter how small. Many small changes pile up to big changes.
I don’t know anything about you other that what you’ve written so I can’t say what you’re feeling. We can disagree with each other and still both be right. You are right about what happened to you — that’s perfectly valid. But, I’m right about what is happening to me and my boys. In the end, their lives will be up to them. It’s my job to prepare them. I think I’m doing that.
Phil, a friend of mine works at Leo Burnett Advertising in Chicago. She is 28 years old, and makes $120,000 a year. She travels the world with her friends for both business and pleasure. She was homeschooled through high school. So her success and happiness cancels out your failure and unhappiness.
Andrew, I was mugged a few years back by 2 black men. Using your logic, my experience should lead me to the conclusion that all black men are thieves. I’m glad I don’t subscribe to your brand of logic.
Andrew:
Your experience leads you to believe all or most homeschoolers lack adequate social skills. Experts in the fields of education and psycho-social development find otherwise. Could it be that you are using an incorrect measure of what good social development is or looks like? Perhaps you find them socially inept by measures with little lasting meaning (they don’t know who Lady GaGa is, have never been in a mosh pit or are still virgins at 18). The numerous experts who have evaluated homeschoolers over years are doing so on objective criteria, not related to whether the person would be considered ‘cool’. The index of social skills is measured by such things as ability to interact with others, self-image, flexibility, ability to receive and understand non-verbal signals and response to others different than themselves. These are enduring indications of a persons capacity to interact with society, though seldom used by teens to decide who is cool.
By the way, by the measurement of response to others different than yourself, you seem to be somewhat socially inept. If what Keith related is accurate, you also have difficulty interacting with others older than yourself. Does your social ineptitude clue us in to the fact that you are actually homeschooled? Or are you just that statistical anomaly, a poorly-adjusted public schooler?
I wish I would have been homeschooled. I was unfortunately not – my parents wasted their money on a private school. So I do not have experience with public school at all, but I do know if I would have went to public school – my parents could have used the money to enroll me in extracurricular activities, instead of spending it on tuition. But this does not mean I like the idea of public school.
I feel that so much more can be accomplished when you home school. After all – how many hours of the school day is spent waiting for the teacher to correct someone else, or waiting for other class mates to finish. When you homeschool you have one-on-one attention and can go at your own pace.
I went to a small private school, and therefore we only had so many classes – and if someone wanted to take a class and it was full – well guess what, they could not. Overall I believe homeschooling is the best option, and I plan on doing it for my children.
Now I only read a few of the comments from above regarding Phil, nor do I plan too. I just feel that I need to make a statement.
So are you trying to imply that people who go to public school are happy, successful and well adjusted. I have news for you – it is not the schooling that makes people have a hard time making friends and adjusting – it is the person. I know plenty of people who went to public school, that were quiet and reserved and had trouble making friends – homeschooling does not make a difference.
There are so many groups and activities homeschoolers can do, they have plenty of chances to interact with other children. There is also a rise in homeschooling now, which means when our children go to college, they will most likely be able to find someone else who homeschooled. If not that, then there are always clubs and such to join.
I know you have your own experience Phil about homeschooling, and I really respect that. But I just can not stand when someone gives a generalization about homeschooling, after knowing only one experience with it (either themselves or someone they knew) Everyone is different, not just homeschoolers, and going to public school does not make you any more normal than anyone else.
Go ahead and respond back if you wish – I do read this blog fairly regularly – but just know that I will not respond to you Phil. I really do not want to get into a debate with someone who can not see both sides of a situation.
Jackie: Thanks for commenting on this! I completely agree with you. The benefits of home schooling go beyond what most people think the benefits might be. Whereas a lot of people think we do it simply to keep our kids secluded and under our control, the real reason is that by homeschooling we can get more done in less time. Homeschooling, at least for me, is all about making the most out of the time we have together. That means both fun time and education.
Phil had a bad experience, apparently, with his homeschooling experience. It has caused him to graft that image onto every other kid who gets homeschooled. I think if he knew how most home schoolers turned out he might feel differently. Unfortunately though, he was one of those kids who didn’t do well. It would be like if I bought a car that, generally speaking had a fantastic service record, and It immediately broke down and stopped working. I would obviously be soured on the experience, but it would be a mistake for me to say that’s how all those cars were. I hope phil can someday get past his bad experience and see that most of us aren’t lemons.
Thanks for commenting, Jackie. I appreciate it!
by the way – the last part of that comment was directed at Phil
I know this blog is old, but it’s such a cop out question by ignorant people. When I first started hs’ing I would get this question. I don’t defend what I do, so I would hold a hand out towards my child and ask, “do you think he has a problem with socializing? And let me take it a step further? Do you think he has a problem conversing with anyone of any age in any situation?”
Because what do people consider “socializing?” Do they think it is playing? Do they think it’s conversing? I think it’s the latter.
As a parent of two adult children who went through the system and a worker in the system and now a parent of a hs child I can emphatically say that socialization, real life socialization, is better with hs children.
Something that I still find amazing is the interaction of teen hs’ers between younger children. I don’t know of public school teens that would interact, let alone play a game of volley ball with a bunch of elementary school children unless it’s a church or family environment.
And that’s been my personal experiences. I don’t need statistics to back that up.
btw, what’s up with the AC guy suggesting you teach your children to ski? I may be home all day with my child, but that’s not something I’m knowledgeable in and would need them to take lessons in. But that’s extra curricular activity too.
Very good article. The thing that really stands out for me is that you obviously make socialization a priority for your kids. The breadth of ideas and experiences you provided for your boys will surely be a benefit to them in later years. I especially like hearing about homeschooling groups – kids that get together for more group activites like sports, etc…
I, myself, prefer the type of socialization my kids get in public school for the mere fact that they are exposed to all different kinds of kids, cultures, backgrounds, etc… that they probably wouldn’t otherwise. Even if I made a major effort to introduce my children to the great variety of people that are out there, my kid’s school constantly amazes me with the types of people and life situations they encounter. They’re great teaching moments that I honestly don’t think I could duplicate if they were schooled at home. That’s me though
Homeschooling is a very viable option. In the right hands, it can give kids a very intense, personal learning experience. One family I know went to homeschooling because they adopted from another country and their children had not only launguage issues, but learning delays from their orphanage as well. In that case, public schools just couldn’t provide what those children needed. Even without an extreme example like that, it a choice like any other for kids to learn – good for some, not-so-good for others. I think it boils down to what the parent feels will benefit their child the most.
I have only one issue on the socialization discussion though. Homeschooling attracts many people who want an alternative to what they see is lacking in public schools. But it also attracts people who, for whatever reason, be it religious, cultural, etc… that just can’t stand the fact their children will be around ‘those’ people. Whether it’s comments on blogs, interviews on TV, or watching homeschooling families in my own neighborhood, I see all too often parents’ fears make the decision about homeschooling, not the actual needs of the child. I have heard the most disturbing comments, most recently on my own street about keeping their children away from the ‘Jews’ or any other religion not theirs, from kids with gay or single parents, and even from kids from other races. My son is African-American and got his first dose of discrimination from a little girl in the park. At the age of 6, he went up to this girl, 9 or 10 years old, at the playground and was told to his face that “I don’t talk to black people”. The babysitter apologized and said that the kids are taught at home and the parents rarely let them interact with other kids. And before anybody says it…. NO, I don’t believe this is typical of a homeschooled child. But like anything else, it can be chosen for all the wrong reasons, reasons that ultimately do stunt a child’s social development. Sure, parents like these are likely to shield their kids excessively anyway, but at least for 8 hours a day, in a public school they’d get to actually meet and know kids who would never otherwise come into their life. If something ever happened that my kids just couldn’t be in their school anymore for whatever reason, I’m glad the option is there. I just hope I’d be a good enough teacher for them
I am 23 and I was homeschooled from junior high through high school. Phil helped me gain a different perspective on HS, the experience varies depending on family. Now that being said allow me to give a summary of my own experience. My mother approached HSing in nearly the same way as Phil minus the vacations,ski lessons,and opportunity to make friends. Im sure Phil’s kids are going to perfectly functioning members of society, but let me say this, there is a negative side to HSing in this generation. My mother was as driven as phil to defending her stance on HS using the “facts” as her ammunition. Through the 6 years of my schooling I gained some valued persperspective, the opinions of my parents peers was that I was very mature and confident for my age, but when the isolation from anyone my own age became unbearable, I left. When I entered the “real” world my own little world turned upside down. So many bad decisions were made because of my ignorance and as far as connecting with people my age, I bombed.
Every generation is different because society is constantly progressing, being raised with only the last generation I became an alien in my own generation. Phil had one thing right, there is a social code that can only be cracked by experience of social interaction. Im adapting, but I cant help feeling like all those valuable years were wasted because my mother thought she knew what was best for me. With each generation moving faster than the last, its discouraging knowing your always going to be a step behind everyone else. Im sure more HSers will be coming out with this problem because today’s generation is moving at lightening speed making it difficult for anyone lagging behind to be able to keep up. In closing, HS can be a good choice and it can also be a very bad one. The HS community needs to be monitored more thoroughly to ensure that every child has the opportunity to be well adjusted individuals,but since HSC is all about freedom and independence I doubt that will ever happen.
So there will continue to be kids out there forced to carry the burden of their parents bad decisions for the rest of their lives. Think about that next time you blog about how HS is not damaging. One more thing, during the first half of my little rant I was calling Keith phil. My bad, Keith.
I don’t know why you put the word facts in quotes. Does that mean you think they aren’t true? If they aren’t true, then where are the facts that disprove them?
I put the word facts in quotes not to say its untrue but that in my circumstance the facts were irrelevant.
Is that you have to say?
Bobby: I think it’s fine that you have these feelings. Even though I think I’m making the right choices for my kids, I nevertheless appreciate that you had your own, unique experiences.
As I have already said, Im sure your kids are well adjusted. My reason for commenting is that your not just defending your right to HS, your defending HS in general. You only seem to know the positive side and for the sake of fairness, I wanted to show you and your readers the negative. It was people like you that turned my mother on to the idea in the first place. Do you think that Phil and I are the only ones with post HS issues? Your social pic is right, everyone else is an asshole.
Bobby: There are Almost 7 Billion people in the world. Asking if I think you and Phil are the only ones who had bad experiences with Home Schooling is nothing more than rhetorical nonsense. I’m not going to go there. I will, however, recite to you the facts. The facts are that an overwhelming proportion of Home Schoolers are well adjusted. In fact, according to the research, home schoolers are AS or MORE well adjusted than Public schoolers. I’m sorry that your experience did not coincide with the overwhelming majority. But, grafting your experience onto the majority is a scientific nonstarter. Your point is taken — you had a bad experience. Now tell me how that’s scientifically relevant?
And to reiterate, I respected your opinion. There will always be the “other” side to any issue. There will always be people who have different experiences. I don’t discredit their experience when I recite facts that don’t match with what they saw. You say “people like you”. This is my opinion that Home Schooling is good, but it’s also a fact. A universal fact? No, and I didn’t say that. But, it is, generally speaking a positive experience for kids. When I write a blog post that expounds the virtues of something I believe in, I’m under no compulsion to also write the other side. I would say “the other side of the coin” but that would give the other side equal standing, which it doesn’t have. The other side is the exception to the rule. It’s just that simple.
fair enough
Hi,
I would just like to say what a great article. I have been HS and i loved it i got so much time with my parents im now 23 and very stable have so many friends and more importantly TRUE friends im different in many ways being HS is only a small part ive done further education and will be for a further 2yrs i think im a great example of a HS child my little bro who is 14 was also HS until 3yrs ago and had no prob making friends, HS & PS both have there benifits and their down points,but i think your doing amazing job and i truely believe your kids will be well ajusted smart and HAPPY adults. i was so ready to defend HS but when i started reading your blog saw u where for it and i was only looking for a potato chip recipe lol
I know this post is old, but I’ve just found it, so bear with me. I am a 33 yr old mother of four. When I was 12 yrs old, my parents pulled me out of school and home schooled me for the rest of jr and high school. I was hugely undersocialized. My parents did not take us on field trips, and didn’t let us have friends outside of church. And still, I say it was the best decision, and I’m so glad they made the decision to hs for me. The first year in hs my IOWA test scores went from 84% to 97% and stayed there until I graduated high school. My self-esteem, which had been in the toilet from all that vital “socialization” at public school, finally took a turn for the better, and I went from timid and unsure to confident and self-assured. My brothers were pulled out of school the year after I was, and were home schooled through high school (the second one went back in the last two years, waaaay ahead of his class). They had a similar experience to mine, being undersocialized. And even though we could have used more friends, home-schooling served us well. We got a great education and learned an incredible amount of self-reliance and resourcefulness. All three of us have diverse interests, and have incredible self-confidence that I know without a doubt we owe to our hs experience. We didn’t have trouble making friends in college, or with dating. My first brother and I were on the college Student Government. He ran in a public election – and nearly won – when he was 18 yrs old. I was married during college to a post-doc student from the same university and we had our first son before I graduated. My first brother graduated from Yale Law; he is married to a friend from college Student Government, and has three babies. My second brother will graduate med school in May, with his wife and baby by his side.
Now I have four kids, and we sent my oldest to public school. When we had to move cities and schools 2 yrs ago, he had a nightmare of a time adjusting to his new school. Although we hadn’t planned on home-schooling our kids, watching him in his downward spiral, we knew in our guts the best thing for him was to bring him home. In 18 months my son has gone from overly-sensitive, a difficult conversationalist, and troublesome to handle, to conscientious, communicative, confident, and a natural leader. Everywhere he goes he makes friends, regardless of the age of the other children, and within about 15 minutes usually has a following of 4-5 kids. He is confident with adults as well as kids, and he thinks for himself and seeks out knowledge rather than expecting it to hit him over the head. My boys go to Scouts, Tae Kwon Do, home school soccer, swimming, Sunday school, floor hockey, and home school field trips. We take cross-country road trips and expose them to all sorts through real life and a constant flow of documentaries on a diverse pool of topics. They are far from undersocialized, and are not sheltered except from the things that could damage their own self-confidence – like bullying. They have friends, work out their own arguments, and are expected to get along in groups. They are extremely confident and well-adjusted.
Will they have awkward moments? Yes, undoubtedly. I notice those moments now. They usually come when public school children expect my kids to fall in line with the “cool” way to be, and my kids are oblivious, because each person is “cool” in his own way. Other awkward moments come when adults expect my kids to be distant or aloof, as somehow is common from public school kids, but instead they are curious and chatty – even at nearly 9 years old. I love these awkward moments. I just think to myself, “Shine on, son! Shine on!”
Home schooling isn’t perfect, and neither is public schooling. But at least the parent has control over what sort of life-shaping education, experiences, and social situations into which their children will be immersed. From my perspective, that sort of conscientious control puts the child at the advantage, rather than the other way around.