¿El niño portándose mal? Prueba la estafa de La Transformación Total
By: Keith
Los niños no se portan de la manera en la que nosotros pensamos que deberían hacerlo. Los padres se vuelven locos y se comportan irracionalmente. No existe nada anormal sobre esto; los niños están probando sus límites y el poner nuestra paciencia a prueba no es un problema, es parte del crecimiento. Algunas de las cosas que nosotros percibimos como mal comportamiento es simplemente experimentación por parte de los niños; no es malo y no es incorrecto. La irracionalidad ocurre cuando ellos no pueden controlarse de la manera en la que nosotros como adultos podemos. Sus acciones no siempre coinciden con sus intenciones. Ellos se frustran de la misma manera en la que tú y yo lo hacemos, pero porque aún no tienen la madurez necesaria para conseguir la calma necesaria para controlarse cuando la situación se pone difícil, ellos se alocan. Y es entonces que nos encontramos con una personita histérica (o un adolescente) quien necesita que se le ayude. Ahora, a menos de que tú seas un completo idiota, tú primero vas a confrontar la situación tratando la lógica y el razonamiento (lo cual no va a funcionar). Luego vas a dictar la solución. Eso tampoco va a funcionar. Después tú mismo estarás empezando a sentirte frustrado y tendrás el deseo de estrangular a tu hijo de 7 años – digo, a tú hijo. Pero, no le matarás; le dirá que le amas y que quieres ayudarle pero que no puedes hacerlo a menos de que se calme. Finalmente le dejarás solo para que él solo se controle. Minutos más tarde el vendrá a ti sintiéndose un poco mejor una vez que haya tenido tiempo para pensar sobre su situación. Es entonces cuando tú puedes terminar lo que empezaste antes platicando con él y tratándole de hacer entender las circunstancias.
Cómo no ser un padre: El estafador de La Transformación Total quiere tu dinero.
Tal vez él realmente crea que exista una simple solución que funciona para todos los temperamentos de los niños y que el programa de La Transformación Total es esa solución. Yo no veo cómo podría ser así. Los casos de verdadero mal comportamiento son mucho menos que las que éste tipo trata de convencernos que existen, y aquellos quienes verdaderamente requieren ayuda son genuinos casos perdidos cuyas necesidades son mucho mayores que las que un simple comercial les puede dar. Pero tal vez me está faltando algo. El nombre de éste tipo es James Lehman, y el vende un producto llamado Programa de la Transformación Total. Tú probablemente hayas escuchado los comerciales en el radio o los hayas visto en la televisión durante los programas de media noche (donde cada vendedor honesto puede ser encontrado). En su programa esta persona promete que él corregirá (igual que El Encantador de Perros) cualquier tipo de mal comportamiento que tu hijo tenga, sin importar qué tan normal dicho comportamiento verdaderamente sea. Tú vida será corregida con solo un par de simple y sencillos pasos. Wow, eso suena fabuloso. Yo también tengo un unicornio que necesita que le cepillen. ¿Quieres ayudarme con eso? Si tan solo el comportamiento de los niños fuera tan simplista como el comportamiento de los perros. He aquí sólo un par de sus promesas:
Cómo detener una disputa con tu hijo instantáneamente
“Esta es una técnica poderosa que a los padres les encanta porque le pone el tapón a cualquier discusión que tengas con tu hijo. Tú estará sorprendido con la rapidez con que funciona. Incluso tú hijo adolescente mide 6 pies de altura (1.82m) y tú solo mides 5.4 (1.64m).”
Las 10 palabras que puedes decir cuando él se pone lépero
“La técnica que detiene cualquier tipo de groserías y maldiciones…no importa qué tan lépero se ponga tu hijo.”
El está vendiendo una fórmula mágica. Es fantástico. ¿Por qué entonces no poner toda esta información en un libro y venderlo por 25 dólares en Barnes & Noble? ¿Por qué será que él está vendiendo este milagro por “tres pagos fáciles de a $109 cada uno”? A mí me parece que existe una relación entre esta estafa en particular, e tipo de padres que caen en esta estafa y los niños a los que se supone que este producto puede ayudar. Los padres quienes toman malas decisiones en sus vidas también toman malas decisiones con las vidas de sus hijos. El ser malos padres produce niños quienes no aprenden cómo comportarse y cómo controlarse a sí mismos. Los padres quienes toman malas decisiones se desesperan y empiezan a buscar por soluciones rápidas y fáciles. Es aquí cuando viene James a pedirles a estos padres que tomen otra más mala decisión, esta vez a su favor – $327 más gastos de envío. Las personas con sobrepeso podrían perderlo si se compraran y estudiaran un libro de nutrición o también pueden ser estafados por The Biggest Loser y ser convencidos a que compren los montones de productos inútiles. El estudiar toma esfuerzo mientras que el comprar productos inútiles simplemente toma el creer en un milagro. Cuando existen personas desesperadas, existirá también al menos una persona que esté lista para llevárselos a una tranza.
Casos aislados:
Siempre va a haber niños que, por alguna u otra razón, actúan fuera de lo que se considera un comportamiento normal. Algunos de ellos necesitan ayuda calificada por medio de un psiquiatra o psicólogo. En otros casos la culpa cae en los padres. Cualquiera que sea el caso, cuando los niños se empiezan a tener serios problemas no es solamente una cosa la que necesita componerse, y nunca existe un programa simple de CD’s que mágicamente te ayudará a hacer que todo se componga. Si el comportamiento de tu hijo es suficientemente malo que te tenga preocupado entonces tú puedes descartar cualquier solución fácil y probablemente deberías empezar a considerar el recibir ayuda profesional (y por ayuda profesional yo no quiero decir un tipo que se ve todo preocupado tratando de venderte algo por televisión).
Aparentemente los mamones vienen por docenas. Existen estafas para cada tipo de personalidad – estafas de salud, estafas para ponerte en forma, estafas para hacer dinero rápido y hasta estafas que incluyen a los padres. El Programa de la Transformación Total no es diferente a ninguna de estas otras cosas que las gentes compran creyendo que es la manera fácil para salir de sus problemas. El ponerse en forma requiere trabajar duro. El ser inteligente requiere estudiar duro. El ser buen padre no ocurre después de haber tomado un curso de CD’s que tú puedes escuchar de camino a tu trabajo o mientras te comes una dona. Si tú quieres gastarte 300 dólares, ¿por qué no invertir ese dinero en un viaje con toda la familia para pasar tiempo de calidad con ellos? ¿Por qué querer dárselo a James cuando tú bien sabes que está siendo estafado?
Actualización 06/04/10:
James Lehman, el creador del programa de La Transformación Total, falleció el mes pasado (Mayo 2010) después de padecer de una enfermedad no especificada en los reportes de los medios de comunicación. Su familia y amigos le extrañan y mis condolencias van hacia ellos. Yo aún creo que su programa es una estafa y no estoy de acuerdo con lo que él decía. Aún así me entristece el saber de su muerte.
Related posts:
OH my god,this guy actually compares the entire field of counseling to a pile of dogpoop, and claims the dogpoop to be superior. Buddy you are probably doing more damage here with your supposed good intentions then you know. Thee are cheaper alternatives out there. I am not going to plug them here for fear of being called a charlatan and/or scam artist, but you can look into behavior therapy or parenting books and get a lot of the same info certainly.
One of the things that is a major factor in helping people to change is the nature of the relationship between the counselor and the client. In counseling the client experiences a supportive non-judgemental relationship with someone who is helping them overcome whatever obstacles or learn whatever skills in a planned, well thought out fashion. They create an environment in the counseling sessions that allows the client to try new things under the guidance of someone who is completely objective and has no strong familial emotional ties to the client that would contaminate this helping relationship. There is no comparison between the Total Transformation Program and real therapy, because at best the Total Transformation Program is a home study educational program to help parents change the model that they use to relate to their children……this is education, not therapy. A parent really can’t have a therapeutic relationship with their children like a counselor because a parent certainly has strong emotional ties with the child and so they can’t be completely objective. There are good and awful therapists in the world so results vary, goodness of fit in the counseling relationship and the counselor’s adeptness at using relationship effectively in the counseling sessions is key in terms of successfully reaching the desired goals. The Total Transformation Program changes the nature of the existing, non-effective relationship that the parents have with their child. In order to do this a parent has to practice the skills and make the time to do this with their children, the people that are successfull are usually the ones that are consistent with the guidelines and emotionally appropriate with their children day in and day out. The Total Transformation, like therapy won’t work for everyone. The thing I find the most offensive about the company that sells this product is that they make claims about the effectiveness of this product that they can’t scientifically prove and they take advantage of desperate people which I feel is unethical. I also believe that their advertising engages in “victim blaming” in that most often they portray the misbehaving children as the problem. The children are end result of poor parenting, poor parenting is the problem, misbehaving or behavior challenged children is the end result of poor parenting. The counselor that developed the program was very good at using relationship with both parents and children which is why he was so good at his job. Unfortunately that can’t be packaged into a box with CDs, DVDs, a workbook and good wishes. My point is that, therapy works best when you have a skilled counselor who is a good fit for the client. The Total Transformation Program works best for parents who are willing to admit that they bear responsibility for their children’s environment and are willing to do the hard work neccessary for creating an evironment that will allow their children to change and behave appropriately. I think it’s important to remember that Legacy Publishing Company’s primary goal is to sell products so they stay in business, an ethical skilled counselor’s primary goal is to help the client.
As usual, PSL, I couldn’t have said it better myself
I am a single dad, divorced father of 2 sons. My youngest (6) seems to be much more resilient than my eldest son (8). My ex, their mother, has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcisism, Histrionic and PTSD. She is abusive to the boys and beats them. Still, by law, I have to send them to her for visitation once to twice a year. Just when things are getting a little better with my 8 year old’s behavioral issues, visitation occurs and we lose all the ground we’ve gained. I have thought long and hard about TT. My mother is begging me to spend the money on it to try. As it stands, I pay $180 per child per visit, once a week (which I have done for 9 months now) to their Child Psychologist who just informed me that she doesn’t want to get involved with the child custody/visitation issue. So, $300 or $327 for something that might help my child (behavorial issues) as well as teach him ways to communicate with his abusive mother – seems worth the price. I’m not desparate yet, but I can tell you, after being let down by attorneys, judges, social workers, all of DHS/CPS and school counselors, one more let down (if it doesn’t work) probably isn’t going to kill me. That’s the only reason I want the product, is because it touts being able to equip my child with an ability to communicate with those in authority over him (Parents, teachers, etc.) If I could just give him the tools so that he wouldn’t be scared to say something to his mother, which might actually diffuse her before she started beating him, $3000. wouldn’t be too much to spend. I just had a comprehensive psychological evaluation performed on him, and the results are that he’s emotionally challenged due to “being the victim physical abuse by his mother, harsh discipline practices, exposure to intimate partner violence, a contentious custody dispute between his parents as well as school non-compliance issues.” CPS and his personal therapist tell me “Keep doing what you are doing, you’re a good dad”. I can’t protect him from his own mother because of the laws however, I said the psychologist doesn’t want to get involved but here’s what CPS has to say “If visits with ‘child’s’ mother is implemented it should be with the cosultation of ‘child’s’ psychotherapist.”
All that being said, if I could teach him how to disarm the mother or stop an argument with 10 words – I’d be willing to spend more than all of King Solomon’s gold on the program, and probably feel like I got a deal if it worked.
If not, well, the courts, CPS, his therapist, and this blog have conditioned me to believe that I am a loser and probably deserve it.
Captain, sorry you have to watch your son go through such an awful time. I can tell you that most therapists try really hard to avoid being in the middle of any legal proceeding because they don’t want to spend time in court or open themselves up to any kind of legal liability. Usually any legal proceeding requires a therapist to produce written reports and defend them in court which most often takes many, many hours that they don’t get compensated for on most insurances. They lose additional money in that court appearances can take them out of the office for most of day when they would ordinarily be seeing clients and making a living. I know this first hand in that I’ve been there, done that. One of the things that makes the world a safe place for children is consistency. If you notice that your son has a increase in behavioral problems just after or just before a visitation period you are seeing something that is fairly common in split family situations. Your son is going back and forth between two households, two different environments, two different sets of rules and two different methods of how these rules are maintained at the very least. If there is physical violence multiply this by 10 and you may have a sense of his level of anxiety. Think of how you would feel if everthing you know for structure changed dramatically a few times per year and you had no control over it…..as an adult you have the skills needed to regulate your emotional process and work through it, he doesn’t have these skills, so he acts them out. The TT Program isn’t going to teach you how to teach your son how to teach his mother how to better control her emotional process or control her and to expect him to do this is not a realistic achieveable goal. How the program can be helpful is for you to use the program to create structure for your son so that he enjoys safety and predictability in his world at your house. The next step is to approach his mother respectfully and ask her to join you in this endeavor for his benefit, show her how well this is working, share the program with her and encourage her to feel good about helping your son. Do this in a manner that will allow her to not feel judged and to feel that she’s doing the right thing for her son. Although it’s difficult, you have to put whatever negativity and history with her to the side and encourage her to do the same for your son’s benefit. If you buy the TT Program you might also want to consider a companion product they sell that addresses the issue of “Two Parents – One Program”. Unfortunately most DHS/Child Protective agencies are geared toward family re-unification and rarely move toward excluding a parent from a child’s life unless the evidence (proof) is overwhelming. This kind of evidence is generally difficult to prove in court in most cases, if you’re certain there is physical violence, I would encourage you to speak with legal counsel that can guide you in dealing with this effectively. If you order the program understand this is going to be hard work for you and your ex if she is willing to help, I can tell you that the world of 10 magic words to control someone else doesn’t exist. If this is one of the selling claims they are making, then buyer beware. I understand your frustration with the system, but be clear that if you buy the program it’s not magic, it’s hard work. Please understand that I have no investment in whether you order the program or not, I just think it’s important for you to know what it can realistically help you accomplish. I salute your efforts to help your son and wish you the best in this endeavor. It is a heart breaker to watch someone you love suffer in this manner.
Look I get where you are coming from. Maybe your right and this program might be a scam. But when I hear “review” I expect that someone actually reviewed the product. And when I mean review I mean got a few copies of the program and gave it to people to try out, and after that reviewed the actual contents and merits of that program. If you don’t do that it is just speculation. I could go out and say the P90x workout program is a huge scam because it costs so much and they show it in infomercials and that the customer service guys try to get you to buy more stuff, but because I have 5 friends that have actually “USED” the program and the ones that really worked at it had amazing results and the others just said it was too hard I know that that is just not true. It is not a scam, it does work. I just have a hard time listening to a review of something that has not been used.
JJS: The word “review” is not used in this article. Sorry that you thought it was.
As a parent of 4 kids, 1 with ADHD. I can say there is a big difference in parenting a normal child and one with ADHD. Anyway who thinks it is the same thing as normal fits, and etc as listed above is clearing wrong. I have not used the program, but I do not medicate my ADHD child and have often thought of this program. I have bougt many parenting books, and have used some of the things I have learned. There is no quick fix, but learning new techniques is a wise parent. Anyone who claims to know it all is a fool. The way I look at is if the total transformation can give some families with child with ADHD the techniques they need to parent their child then that it si worth it. Please remeber that child with ADHD are like parenting a child with specail needs. Till you walk the shoes of a ADHD parent you have no clue what or how much one good techique is worth. I am sad that the reviews for this program are written by no users, of the program. I guess I would love to hear from users of the program. Not someone who talks about the company that publishes it. Or someone who has never used it,. To me all of you have made false claims, just as your are upset about the program. No truth just opinions. Is there anyone who has used this product.
Wow, Keith, I don’t know where to begin. I googled “Total Transformation System” and the predictive text put the word “scam” at the end so I took the bait and here I am. I’ve been on your site and Amazon for the past hour and a half. I think you ought to hire that PSL guy as a staff writer.
I think you’ve done us all a service by *not* actually reviewing the product, since the discussion on here has been more full of resources than the product itself. Slimy marketing tactics to the side for a moment, I’d be interested in learning the guy’s version of common sense.
Was it PSL who recommended Ross Green’s work? I looked it up and it showed a treasure trove of how to deal with explosive children, how to understand them, and what could be causing the behavior, as well as how to short-circuit that behavior. During bad behavior episodes, half the time I think my kids are really out of their own control (and mine), and the other half I think I’m being played and call them on it. In any case, it is no fun and ruins most days, which is why I looked up Total Transformation in the first place.
I liked your post, I liked the comments, I liked your response to the comments (mostly), but I feel compelled to point out that IMHO snarky does run a fine line when parents are hurting and looking for help.
Anyhow, you got my attention and I’ll be reading your other posts, which are likely far less controversial.
NJS, let me clarify: I’m a professionally licensed counselor that worked for Legacy Publishing Company for a few years on their Parental Support LIne. I knew James Lehman personally and admire him and his work very much. I provided advice and counseling on how to use the Total Transformation Program to hundreds, maybe thousands of families over that time period. I guess I would say that I know the program better than most, but certainly don’t know it all when it comes to behaviorally challenged children and certainly don’t profess to…… I agree with your comments about ADHD completely. No one really knows what it’s like unless they have a child with ADHD. I admit that I do have some concerns with how the company markets their products and some of the company’s practices that I consider unethical. I think it is important to point out that I have seen many people that have found the TTP helpful in working with their children. Like I said in an earlier post the parents/others that I saw who were the most successful were the ones that practiced the methods consistently and maintained their own emotional consistency in dealing with their children. One thing I would point out for your consideration is that the “tough love” and accountability methods in Total Transformation may work with some ADHD kids but in my opinion Legacy’s other product, “Total Focus” is a much better product for working with ADHD children. They may try to sell you both, but Total Focus is clearly better for the application you are describing. Sunny, I’m also a big fan of Ross Greene PhD’s work and would encourage anyone to review his books as well. Often people find the right approach for their situation by using a combination of methods and information that come from from multiple souces…….including Keith’s great website. I think he does us all a great service by providing this forum to exchange ideas regardless of whether we agree with his opinions or not. Please understand that simply owning these products will not provide you with a “quick fix”. The information is helpful only if you apply it thoughtfully and consistently. I would encourage anyone who is considering these products/methods to do your homework, research these products thoroughly, be an informed consumer and don’t buy anything on an emotional impulse or as a result of a slick advertising campaign. Be clear that there is no easier, softer way and that making the kind of changes you want to make in your family will involve commitment, self examination and hard work. The magic, if there is any… comes as a result taking the time with your children, appyling the right information and doing the work on an ongoing basis.
The real scam here is not really the product…..its the try for free pitch they use to hook you in. Once you decide to “try” this product out ($300 really isnt that much but to each his own) they really intend that you go over the 30 days, or whatever it is, forget you had to sign up with a credit card, then BAM your stuck with a $300 bill. Solution? Use torrents to actually try the product first….then if it really changed your life in some way (maybe his technique was unique? or the structure was different?) send the company your money. AHHH but then you’ll say thats wrong? But then who is screwing who? Oh by the way i havent tried this but it does look pretty structured. — P.S. and yes ive read several (listen to audiobooks) that are roughly $20 dollar books which were not paticularlly helpful…..
I’m pretty surprised at the jump-to conclusion Keith makes about this Product. He’s never even tried it or knows nothing about it. So Mr Keith, here’s my opinion based on actually using the Total transformation. My kids are balanced and well behaved and the behavioral tendencies they were falling into are gone. The techniques really work if you are smart enough to understand what is being taught. I resent the implication that i’m a sucker and must have a low IQ. Its actually 138. Top that smart guy. I also resent you calling anyone who has a child with behavioral problems a bad parent. You’re completely out of line here and you have engages your maouth without first putting your brain into gear. Here’s another good point for you mr smart guy. I filled out the survey and provided feedback on the effectiveness of the program and got my full refund of the purchase price without any hassle. So now my family is in harmony and the money we paid for this insight was free. But it’s okay, i’m sure you will go off and discourage other parents and make them feel bad about their parenting without any effort on your part to understand anything at all about child psychology. You have helped nobody and probably are responsible for many families going through tough times with your discouragement. Way to go Stupid dad.
Greg: 138? Really? Wow, you’re awesome! And completely full of shit
Keith, I couldn’t agree with Katie and Greg more. I’ve read through almost all of the comments on this topic and the biggest thing that stands out in this blog is how extremely arrogant and judgmental you are. You obviously aren’t writing this blog to actually help or offer good advice to other parents, nor are you writing to simply share your experiences. This is just a glorified opportunity for you try and convince people that your baseless opinions actually count. You are no better than the “TV Scams” you write about, offering up your slimy, arrogant and uneducated opinion and feeling good about all the while. I’m the parent of a 14 yo boy that is struggling with anger management and I now live with one of those “out of control” kids. I resent your insinuations that “bad” kids is equivalent to “bad” parents, that is simply not always the case. Many of us are great parents struggling with the influences of peers, availability of drugs, the decline in good public education and the ratio of teacher to students in the class room amongst many other influencing factors in our children’s lives. Your one stop answer to popping over to Barnes and Noble to pick up a $20 book with all the answers is just too humorous and points out your lack of knowledge and education in this area. Why don’t you do all of us a favor and stop now.
Lore: There is a cause for everything, and I’m really not surprised your kid is having behavioral problems. You’ve effectually blamed everything and everyone except yourself for his problems, just like you’ve blamed me for not helping you, as if it’s my job to fix your problems for you. This is not a review. It’s a commentary on idiots who want simple answers and who are easily fooled. Go ahead and spend your money on the system — I don’t care. Maybe once you start accepting that problems are sometimes YOUR fault, not everybody’s else’s, you can make some progress and get rid of some of your own obvious anger issues. I don’t really give a crap if you think I’m helpful or not. My point is proven by comments like yours.
The program is a lot of money, but it also provides 8 CD’s, 2 DVD’s including a parental workshop, a workbook that has in depth exercises you can do with your children, a parental support line that’s available until 10PM, a customer service line and he offers a COMPLETE and LEGITIMATE refund for the entire product price if you complete a survey with your opinion on the program, but if you all want to be close minded to the program then go ahead and pay $100 per visit to a counselor when you have the means of being an effective parent on your own .. I’m confused about the use of the word scam here, is that a judgment because you heard it on TV? Yup. I believe it is. Also, the kind of parents that would “make bad life decisions” are therefore the ones most in need of the program, you’ll agree to that, but it’s a BAD idea for him to then market to those people directly through a medium that they would respond to? No, it’s the most effective way to convey the information to those who need it. Dear “almighty” Dad, how many parents run out to Barnes and Noble and buy a parenting book written by some random man who lives in Maine whenever they have a problem? None? Oh. How many bad parents watch TV at night to unwind? Most of them? Oh. So, your judgmental and ” I do nothing wrong with my kids, that’s the way they’re supposed to be” attitude may serve some well in continuing their long story about how they are the victim of the world, but try not to bad mouth something that has produced results for so many people and taught a few parents and children an invaluable sense of accountability. This slanderous article is detrimental to the state of parenting in the United States. You’ve just convinced every idiot who wants to “google” the program so they can feel like they know how to “research” something that their child is not worth the time, energy or money to complete a comprehensive behavioral therapy program- a program for which, by the way, the national board of social workers offers a certification upon completion and college credit. Way to go.
Michael: Be careful what you call slander. That’s a legal term that refers to spoken defamation. If you’re talking about something that’s written then you’re talking about libel, not slander. Furthermore, it’s not libel if it’s true. Nothing in this article is libelous. I’d go back to trying to fool someone else. Your BS doesn’t fly here.
One of the things that I find a little questionable is how this program is marketed. They seem to create appearances about their product that lead people to believe things that aren’t true. Don’t you find it just a little odd that you never see any reviews from customers who didn’t like the product? That found that it didn’t work for them? Any person with a lick of common sense knows that nothing works for everyone, yet that is the picture that they portray in controlling the reviews of this product that they publish. I’ve worked in behavioral health for over 30 years and I can tell you I’ve never seen one approach that worked for everyone and will admit openly that as a counselor not everyone I worked with got better. If you find a counselor that tells you they have, I’d wonder about their mental health. Michael brings us a wonderful example of creating a false perception at work. He seems to think that The National Association of Social Workers has endorsed this product……not true, they haven’t. Don’t take my word for it, call them and ask them. The NASW does not do product endorsements, they do offer training programs on their web site for Licensed Clinical Social Workers to use to obtain the continuing education units needed to keep their license active under licensing guidelines (this is not college credit). The NASW reviewed this program and has allowed it to be used as a distance learning program for social workers to use toward renewing their license. Under distance learning you will find hundreds of other programs listed for the same purpose. Legacy Publishing Company renews with NASW every year and pays a fee to be listed as a distance learning program. This is not a product endorsement from the NASW and typically they don’t allow anyone to use their logo in advertising or on products without their permission. If this logo is being used by this company on the product or in their advertising, it may be without permission. How do I know this you ask…….I got them their initial approval as a training program with NASW when I worked for the company. Do you think this is truthful advertising? Show me one piece of clinical research by an unbiased sour ce that demonstrates through scientific proof that this does what they say it does…. claims by the company and controlled customer feedback doesn’t constitute proof that what they say is true and that’s a fact. Michael do you work for the company?
Alright, so my friend is the one who told me about “Total Transformation”
I have a behavioraly challenged 13yr who does make every day life seem like a war zone for at least 1-2 hrs a day. We have tried everything from spanking, grounding, time outs, taking toys and privilages all away. Pretty much everything but old school beating his a** till he gets it, which I just cant bring myself to do. He is diagnosed ADHD, ODD, Bipolar and the lastest…terits. We tried meds for a while but noticed while they were trying to treat all the conditions the meds often counter acted with each other and resulted in even worse behavior. So we ended up pulling him off meds…behavior pretty is the same. My 1st marraige was a very rocky and abusive situation and I am sure it plays some part in how he bahaves as well as what ever f’d up genes his father has….all that being said I am no sucker and am surely not looking for an easy out but any type of insight on how to make our days just a little easier would be great. I know teenagers are suppose to be mouthy and rude and all sorts of pains in the butt….but we have been dealing with that since he was 4. Now we are getting to the point the behaviors are out of control in the school, even though he is in a program for behavioraly challenged kids. He had his 1st citation of assualt by contact against his teacher. Fun Fun days in our homes. Now aside from those 1-2 hr complete war zones, my kid is the sweetest caring highly intellengent kid around, is very good with disabled children and younger kids (less his brother of course) But if any of you people out there have some suggestions on what we could do, aside from actually beating him, I am all ears. Not that I am going to go off and buy Total Transformation or anything….but it is accredited by the BBC…I am still leary though and will likely stick to therapy. And if it is such a great program….why charge…why not have an actual seminar teaching the skills it teaches or a camp or resdential center for them to attend with these techniques…(yes we have done resdeintial centers, and even landed in a phyc ward after our 1st attempt with shrink….beware of those guys too always wanting to shove meds down the kids throat) OK I am done ranting….dont be so hasty to judge those looking for something to help….some might not see this “program” as a quick fix but just another learning tool to stock pile and help in their desperate situation. (Also have countless books on parenting, parenting challenging kids, NLP books, anything that might give me something new to try out on my kiddo-they work in the short term but once he gets accustom to it the behaviors slip back and we have to try something new again)
So first I guess a little background, I have been active duty Army for a little over 15 years now. I have four awesome children and a wonderful wife. My military obligations have required my family to suffer through multiple deployments to active combat zones. We have been having some trouble with two of our children for some time now, and we have been to multiple parenting classes/seminars, have read more books than you can imagine, my wife has taken child psychology courses at a local college, and we have had our child in counseling. Believe it our not but our counselor gave us this program to use as an additive to her counseling and up to now I would have to say that it has been working. I have seen the infomercials and on my own probably wouldn’t have bought the product based on a quick fix. Anything in life that is easy or quick generally isn’t worth doing. That said, the program is working. I guess I am just lucky that I haven’t had to buy it. As far as Keith’s review, although you said it is not a review I guess I just thought it was, I understand that you are stating that anything being a quick fix is a scam. In that I agree 100 percent. If I tried to tell my soldiers that they could learn and accomplish building clearing in just five easy steps requiring just minutes of their time, they would have just laughed at me. Things need to be practiced and reviewed and changed and then the cycle of pratice, review and change starts all over. In conclusion, yes the marketing is a scam, the program however isn’t. Thanks for hearing this old soldier out. And yes I am a soldier, feel free to contact me at andrew.kimmich@us.army.mil
Keith, I’m curious to know how you would sell this product. If we make an assumption that this product is valid in its claims through the peer review process, clinically backed, and clearly effective, what means would you use to bring this product to as many parents/families as possible who desire to use it? I whole heartedly agree that informercials are rather smarmy and reak of snake oil. But I can’t see shopping at Wal-Mart for this. Perhaps, like in SGTKimmich’s case, a certified counselor would be the most appropriate place to receive this product. But not everyone goes to a councelor. I have three daughters. The first two are extremely well behaved and were/are loved in the same manner. Our third, and youngest daughter came out a fighter. She’s disruptive at school, ill tempered at family outings, and misbahves in general around the house. She’s wired differently than the other two. Clearly the skills we use with her sisters don’t work on her. Yet we don’t have any other skill sets to use. We’ve asked her pediatrician what can we do differently with her to contain her destructive behavior. They simply say she’ll grow out of it. We’ve consulted with her teachers and they are at a loss to provide concrete advice (other than to say she’ll grow out of it). She’s been this way since day 1 and we are at a loss to know which direction to take. She’s only five and is on the verge of being kicked out of pre-school. We didn’t make bad decisions. We are not gullible, desparate, degenerate parents.All we want is for her to be happy and for our family to be happy. In searching for the tools to make that happen, we are researching what’s available. Nobody at the hospital handed us the instruction manual for parenting, so their’s nothing to refer to. Total Transformation is one of many tools that we are shopping around for. I detest the means of marketing, but if it’s worthwhile then I will investigate. In discoverying your opinion piece I find it a disservice to parents seeking advice and tools. It’s rather disingenious of you to trash the program for the mere fact of how it’s being sold and by whom, rather than making an informed opinion on the content. Yes, infomercials are sleazy. And most crap sold on infomercials is garbage (Hello? Hawaii Chair anyone?). I’ve never seen the infomercial to be honest. I’ve only heard the radio advertisement. So I searched for legitimate information on the program. Here, I found nothing but vitriole for the means to sell it. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. But the internet makes your audience the world. Be mindful of that. Relative anonymity gives your opinion an ounce of relevance, so people might take to heart what you have to say without even knowing who you are. As Uncle Ben said, with great power comes great responsibility.
MysticalMonkey: I’m well aware that I have a global audience. And, I do hope people take what I’ve said to heart. I don’t agree or assume that the claims being made are valid. Your use of the term “Peer-reviewed” makes it seem like there’s some science going on here. There isn’t. Peer review is what happens with scientific research. A parenting tool being sold in an infomercial by a giant marketing company and that is, at best, a conglomeration of many different methods and opinions (not a single theory or hypothesis) can hardly be called peer reviewed. That would be like saying my opinion is peer reviewed because other bloggers agree with me. Peer review, of course, means that the review itself is based on some scientific proof, not simply that you can point to a few people who agree. Pffft.
wow,you guys critizing this man are not very humane.You know nothing about him.I do,i was at one of his facilities almost 25 years ago,He was a good man,a huge heart,and very kind.He was good at what he did,just ask over the 30thousand kids he helped.Like some people are just born with the mind to do well in calculas,he had a brillant mind when it came to what works for troubled kids.He practiice it over many,many years,it came to him naturally.Every kid wanted to be in his house,because they knew he really cared whether they became productive members of society,or dead on the streets.Your comments were just mean hearted,and the group think here is saddening.R.I.P. Mr. Lehman,and thank you.maryw
Mary: I don’t see how criticism is inhumane. You should agree, then with whatever you’re told because disagreeing would be mean. Yes, I’m a terrible person because I happen to think this is more about making money than helping kids. Sorry, but just because James might have been a great person doesn’t say anything about this product and the marketing of it.
So sad really. That this blog comes up when Googling TT and that parents who are looking for options for help get this blog.
I was a single mom with 2 girls and really could have used TT back in the day when they were young and I was struggling to raise them. Kids don’t come with instructions and having been brought up in a less-than-nurturing environment really wasn’t sure how to reverse that with my girls. I bought every book I could find on parenting, subscribed to every magazine on parenting and reached out for help every where I could. I wasn’t looking for a quick fix – and I’m sure most parents that get to the point that I got to really are – just options.
My girls are grown now and are amazing young women BUT I think I would have actually saved a boatload of money if this was available. Compiled information that may have actually worked for me.
Not a review of the product and not an endorsement – just my opinion.
carolyn: You’re right that kids don’t come with an instruction manual (however obvious that statement is). We all struggle with parenting. In fact, If I ever met someone who thought he/she was a great parent, I’d probably think he/she was crazy. In other words, thinking you’re a great parent is the first sign that you’re not. I’m skeptical by nature. I don’t read self help books because I think they’re all BS (yes, all of them). The people who write self help books generally do it to become successful, not because they already are. They make their livings telling other people what “right” is despite the obvious fact that they’re making their money by trolling those who seek advice (you want to take advice from someone who’s paid to blather?). Those who genuinely are successful beforehand do it with ghost writers or do it themselves with the knowledge that whatever they say will be believed just because their name is attached to it, not because it’s true. Sensation sells. Why else would there be a new diet book out every week with some new and fantastical claim about secrets and mysterious remedy’s? People write those books and make those claims because they know that if it sounds crazy and they have a PhD next to their name, it’ll sell. There’s no secret to parenting just as there’s no secret to weight loss. You can get better advice from people who give it freely (friends, family, personal observations). If you buy it and it works for you then that’s great. But, I guarantee you that James doesn’t say anything that isn’t already common sense. It’s the claims he makes and the marketing that make it sell, not it’s revolutionary approach to parenting (which isn’t revolutionary at all). Of course, I suppose common sense isn’t so common… . What I’m saying is this: I’m sure the product won’t hurt. Go ahead and buy it and use it. From all indications, it’s full of decent advice. I’m just saying that it’s not necessary. If you think you’re doing something wrong with your parenting then that’s healthy. However, it’s that insecurity that sells this product. The fact is that you’re parenting is probably good already. If not, well… open your eyes and make a few keen life observations. That’s it — no secret.
lol – i find this humorous -”You’re right that kids don’t come with an instruction manual (however obvious that statement is)” – take really good care of yourself almighty dad!
Hey Your talking out of school fool! Not only does this program actually work if you put in the very involved efforts but the company FULLY REFUNDS the cost if you complete a rather lengthy and detailed survey.
For the cost of a half dozen trips to a “Counselor” or Family Psych this is well justified $$$
Why don’t you do YOUR homework before you shoot your mouth off and try to bad-mouth someone next time.
Bob Stoufus
bobstoufus@gmail.com
Bob: Judging by your lack of self control, I think I might have an idea of why you’re looking for a miracle parenting method. If you can get this bent out of shape about an opinion article that has nothing at all to do with your life and doesn’t impact you in any way whatsoever… . Well, what’s that say about how you might overreact to something that really should matter to you? You do realize that I’m a real person, right? Do you just walk up to people you disagree with and start calling them names to their faces? That’s not good people skills, bob.
Anybody who thinks this Keith guy is a real prick shoot me an Email!! LOL
This comment won’t be really relevant to the message string, but I wanted to say that I find it amazing, first, how long this line of comments has been going on. Over a year now and you are still responding! Incredible. I know that often a blogster, such as yourself, might put a stop on comments to try to redirect readers to other current trends.
Second, I did what some of your commenters did, and googled for negative reviews on the product – just because I kept hearing the commercials on my radio. I guess I was being the usual skeptic and wondered if anyone out there had less than all the incredible miraculous results they were promising.
And it brought me to your blog. You are a very patient person and I would like to compliment your ability to respond to so many comments, some negative, some vague, and some nice, in a respectful manner with good humor and aplomb.
I don’t really have any comments about the product. I could brag about my great kid, but there’s no need. As you’ve suggested, I could get my own blog and do that. (I just know I could never be so patient as you have been.)
Best of luck to you – Thanks for the opinion.
SalesGuy, I totally agree with you. I am an educated single mom that has spent thousands on therapy for my son. This program makes sense and it did work for me. It simply teaches the parent how to react and redirect the child. You do have to be a dedicated participant. The therapists say the exact same things except, as you pointed out, it takes much longer to get there. Professional help is most useful to help the child get through their feelings. Lehman lays out some wonderful strategies that are not harmful in any way.
The original article by Almighty Dad is destructive, negative, bitter and portrays a guy who should not be giving his opinion to any parent.
That’s right, Sandy. Any opinion you don’t agree with shouldn’t be given. Yup.
Keith,
I think you have discredited yourself. You come off as angry and jealous and you have no substantial evidence to back up your opinion. You should exhibit some self-control and either review the product or stop attempting to impede parents who may benefit from it. You are not an Almighty Dad but some bitter guy that stays at home all day and plays on facebook and twitter, oh, and WordPress. Who says you are not a scam? You are very misleading.
Me? Angry? No, sorry. I’m not angry. Who would I be jealous of? Let me explain to you what I do all day. I homeschool my kids, plus I make more money than you in the process. If you haven’t noticed, there’s quite a bit of money in facebook advertising. As for this blog, I worked 5 hours a day for a year and a half to build content. Now, I just sit here, wait for idiots like you to rant about something, and I get paid. So, go ahead and call me any name you want because I’m the only one in this conversation who’s getting paid for it. Who’s the dumb dumb? I gave my honest opinion about quick fix infomercial programs knowing full well there would be trolls like you who have nothing better to do with their days than to gunk up the internet with nonsense. So, you go ahead and keep wasting time yelling at me. In the mean time, you’re neglecting your kid (maybe why you’re looking for info on TT?), while paying for school supplies for mine. Thanks!
I can attest this is not a scam, but a way for parents who feel powerless to set boundaries and regain their authority. In some ways it is common sense, old fashioned parenting mixed with “tough love.” It’s not necessarily for the average well-behaved kid, but for those who are most challenging, coupled with parents who can’t figure out how to draw a line in the sand. It DOES work, but in many ways it requires the parent work on parenting skills more than anything else. Have you watched super-nanny? It’s not so different in its approach: Rules, boundaries, consequences, consistency, rewards, positive reinforcement. Siimple, but not so simple in practice.
Wow! The comments on this post span over a year’s time. That’s a lot of comments. I have to make some comments in both directions.
First of all,I’m a little resentful at the implication that kids with behavior problems are the fault of bad parenting: not spending enough time with your kids, being too permissive, being too strict, or whatever. Parents whose kids are well-behaved have a tendency to believe it’s due to their excellent parenting skills, and that if the parents of problem kids only had similar skills, then their kids would be fine. That’s just not true. Kids are different. Some kids are a piece of cake to raise. But others are a lot more difficult. I know, because I have both types.
My son in particular has periodic spells that we call “melt-downs”, during which he will knock over furniture, throw things at his parents or siblings, become verbally abusive and threatening. it’s terrifying for his younger sister.
Keith, I think you are way off the mark in assuming that parents who turn to something like the Total Transformation are looking for an “easy fix” or a “miracle cure”. Many parents (and I’m one of them) have spent thousands of dollars on therapists and counselors, and hundreds of hours working on improving our kids’ behavior and are at our wits end. You say: why not spend $25 on a book, rather than $300-something on the Total Transformation? Well, I have purchased a dozen such $25 books. Whatever else you want to say about parents like me, it’s completely wrong to say that we are looking for an easy answer or a miracle in order to avoid the hard work of parenting. You really don’t know what you are talking about.
Yes, I bought the Total Transformation, and it certainly would have been worth ten times the price if it had worked for my son. It didn’t, actually, but your characterization of it as an easy answer or a miracle cure is completely wrong. It’s not an easy program to follow in the slightest. My complaint really was that I found it lacking in specific strategies for dealing with problem behavior. It devotes a lot of time to explaining what NOT to do, what goes WRONG in the interactions between parent and child. I found the analysis very insightful. However, it came short in really helping us to deal with problems.
You say at the beginning of your article that for kids with severe problems, parents should seek professional help. The problem is that most professionals really don’t know what to do, either. As I said, we have spent thousands of dollars on professional help, and it has only been marginally successful.
He did put it in a book and sell it for $25. It’s called ‘ Transform your Child’ and it costs $24.95. Intrigued as to whether 1974 represents the year you were born, became a father, or became opinionated…….
One thing that would help me decide whether it’s worth $300 (or $225 on Ebay from the same publisher) is to see some of the content. Specifically, what are ‘the ten words to say when he gets mouthy’? Can someone who’s bought the programme tell us those ten words please.
Although I fully agree that the front end phone call to order will be filled with hard-sellers trying to get you to buy more than what you called about, we bought this program (without extras) and I have to say it has been extremely helpful to us. We are the parents of 4 kids, and 2 of them have been very challenging to raise. The skills we have learned from the program have made a real difference, and even if we aren’t successful in getting the refund, I will not have any regrets from the purchase. We are filling out our survey now…
Unless you have lived with a child who has oppositional defiance disorder or ADHD or the like, you would honestly have no way if understanding of what a parent is willing to do. It is like trying to parent a 35 year old peer who is missing a sesnitivity chip – impossible. All the normal parenting techniques are out the window. i.e a parenting class suggested that if I allowed her, at 3, to go out in the winter without tights on that she would see how cold it was and stop fighting over clothes. I treid this “normal parenting advice” and my child was fine with no tights and a skirt in 20 degree weather. They do not have the normal response b/c they would prefer to win than be comfortable, like other kids. Of course I did not leave her out all day in the cold, but it might explain the extremes that some of us are dealing with. Not all kids with ODD are killilng dogs and we’d like to have some help before the older extremes kick in and ruin our families.
My 8 yr old was diagonosed with ODD a year ago. Her pediatrician suggested a psychologist, which we tried. We were not prescribed medication, nor would my husband and I gone that route if it were offered, so alternative suggestions are woth their weight in gold. I have not purchased this program as I am researching it now. But, I will say much of what I have read mimicks what our psychologist has been doing with our family. In that realm, I would say this should be SUCCESSFUL. It is still hard and my daughter is still beyond a tough cookie. But the suggestions that work with these kids are 100% counter intuitive, so unless you have the luxury of being able to go to a psychologist like we are right now (until insurance is used up), then $300 is a drop in the bucket to get that kind of direction. Those of us who have been dealing with these children that we love dearly and hate to be around at the same time are at our wits end. It is hard on a marriage and it is a sad way to live to be upset all the time. Here is an example that our psychologist has said that seems to jive with the transformation program. 100% IGNORE rude behavior/fighting/back talk. In my case since I wear my emotions on my sleeve it was suggested that I even turn away when a fight starts as my facial expressions keep my daughter going. This is counter intuitive as my inclination is to punish this behavior. I did it and it worked and it worls every time I can do it – it’s very hard to ignore nasty behavior. It’s like taking the oxygen from a fire. If there’s no one to fight with it stops and then the child has the oppty to weed through what’s really going on. These kids will fight to the death at any cost, so it’s about the fiht, not the directive. To take their wind away, quietly and calmly without any words does it everytime.
Bottom line is, it’s easy to point fingers and laugh at folks for looking for a magic bullet, But it’s a callous apporach and one that clearly you and many of your readers/posters have no experience with. Maybe this system stink and maybe it’s great. I dont know and don;t work for the company – but some of us are working our cans off trying to raise good natured, decent kids with a heart for others – don;t fault us for trying. The alternative is not an option.
How can someone write a review about something they haven’t listen to? First, do what a normal person would do, download it for free. If you have a kid that is that far gone, chances are they know how to use a torrent client and you can save yourself the $300. Secondly, this is not how to fix your kid, it’s how to fix you the parent. I have 3 teenage sons that all have typical teenage problems. I can deal with them and have no issues what so ever. My wife on the other hand, that is a completely different story. This will help her understand that she needs to own her mistakes parenting and move forward. Would I pay $300 for this, no. Would I recommend anyone to pay $300? No. Would I tell someone to download and listen to it? Yes, I would. I myself am finding it to be very insightful. Not everyone has figured out how to deal with children and this is a very good place to start.
I came across this blog because I wanted to hear any reviews from parents that actually tried the product. I found it interesting that the original review was simply based on reviewing their marketing tactics as opposed to the product itself. It’s like reviewing a movie based on its trailer. I agree that the infomercial sounds to good to be true, and probably discredits the program because it does make it sound like a quick fix which any parent with an ADHD kid knows is not possible. However, because we’ve tried many books, therapists and are now even considering a therapeutic residential treatment (starting at about $800 a month) for my 16 year old son who was dianosed with ADHD and ODD at the age of six, trying a program that guaranteed a full refund if you would just fill out a feedback survey was worth a shot, especially since some of the content shared on the infomercial made sense. I will say that I didn’t have any expectations for the program because of the “salesy” nature of infomercial. I was ready to fill out the survey immediately to get my refund. However, my reason for even posting this comment, is because I was pleasantly surprised, possibly shocked, that the content shared in the program was very relevant to our situation. In fact, the first audio tape described my son almost exactly. I had never heard any of the therapists we’ve seen over the years present the ‘case’ quite like TT. And, having only heard the introduction and first tape, it has already helped me to understand some of the reasons my son behaves the way he does. And, our house has been calmer over the past 48 hours. My husband, who also has ADHD and clashes consistently with my son, has now seen the first video and was also impressed. I do agree with an ealier post that much of the content (at least in the first two CDs I’ve heard) focuses on the why and what not to do and lacks some on actual tactics to implement. However, knowing some of the core issues and the behaviors they spark has been very valuable already. So, I guess my message here is, if you truly want some credibility with your blog readers, experience the product first. If you don’t have a child with serious behavioral problems then you may not have the right context to provide a credible review. Only parents going through these experiences that have tried everything and truly love their child will understand what leads to what some might judge as ‘irrational’ behavior in buying a $300 program from an infomercial. Ask parents who, do to review the program for you and it would really be of service to those of us that are trying to seek real answers. And, don’t judge people’s intellect based on whether they choose to purchase this product or not. If they do, it may be that they are just as desperate as I. The way I saw it, if they didn’t keep their end of the deal with the full refund, I would dispute the charge. I will also say that if I had paid the $300, the first two tapes and the exercises I did on the workbook were worth more than several trips to a therapist which would have far exceeded the $300… so, it’s really up to parents to make their own decisions based on their individual situations and experiences, regardless of who’s judging them. We’re already used to being judged by those who just don’t understand and think we’re just bad parents so that’s a non-issue. This program has already helped me to clearly see that we can only guide our children towards better behavior but they must become accountable. And, most importantly, that I need to stop using ADHD as an excuse for my son’s behavior because he must learn how to exist in the real world without excuses or a crutch to lean on. To those of you contemplating the purchase, for me, the benefit has already outweighed the risk. Good luck!
Obviously I am a disgruntled parent or I wouldn’t be looking into Total Transformation. But all I can find on the net is positive reviews…not one person has anything negative to say…hmmm got me thinking! Is that really possible??? I really don’t want to be a shmuck and pay 300 bucks for someone to tell me what to say to my child to calm his rage! Trust me I’m sure I’ve tried it all ready anyway!! I am glad to have came across this blog!! THANK YOU KEITH!! You just reinstilled in me the fact that as the parent I need to step up and get a grip on this …I,ME,MYSELF…not a $300 SCAM!!!
Amen to that. I have used every parenting book from getting kids to sleep thru the night to sibling rivalry. The books were comforting in 3 in the morning when you’re alone with your child and need reinforcement. I have seen the program and it offers journals and structure and the basic common sense. For myself I have wasted more money on my kids that were materialistic so why wouldn’t I invest in this.
The same people claiming one fix doesn’t fit all are afraid to step up to the plate.
Sit back and be judgemental while your kid runs the show. You are the reason that other kids behave badly bc you have just made your own excuse. The very thing you critize other for is the very thing pointing back at you. Wake up
Keith,
I never post or blog but after reading your review I just had to let you know that you are right on it. The fact that after over a year the post are still coming strong should testify to the fact that you struck a nerve. I am not making a direct quote, but when you said that people who make poor life choices are the ones making poor parenting decisions I said, “Ouch”! It is true I stopped researching and reading and started looking for that “quick fix”. I am glad I found your blog or I would have remained in a stupor and spent over $300 then I would still have and angry son and an even more angry parent. Thanks for the reminder that “I” need to make better choices in my life starting now this moment. For me that means keeping myself grounded by reading my Bible and praying. Then it means getting started with exercise and good nutrition and doing my research and reading and NOT GIVING UP! Thank you again, you really have helped me Keith! God Bless You!
I wouldnt really call a program that can be used for life a quick fix…..AND if you fill out and complete their survey withn 90 days you can get a refund….
Its taken years for kids and parents to develop their bad habits…mghttake little while to break them down.
I am currently using the program, and it’s working wonders for me and my children…that’s all I can say. Plus, I’m completing their survey so I’m getting a reimbursement of the program fee. The parent support line is amazing, as well. So I have to say, in my experience, it’s a great program. I’ve read a lot of books and sought therapy, etc., but nothing really stuck. This is sticking, I’m happy to say. It’s working for us. Bottom line: this is one satisfied person’s positive opinion.
Keith,
Wow!!!!!! This has been an interesting thread to read to say the least.
Although I do disagree with your approach to presenting your hatred of infomercials, I agree that the promise of a magic fix is false.
As far as all infomercials being scams, I think some are, and I do believe that many also prey on desperate people, but calling desperate people names was not necessary and in my opinion, the reason for many people’s anger in response to your blog. People who fall for what you call scams are not all morons. I know some pretty intelligent people who have fallen for scams. I do know what you were saying, but you do generalize a lot in your blog and I think that is where this blog strikes a nerve.
The bottom line is the fact that the marketing practices here should be the issue and not the product. I think we all agree that this product and nearly all other infomercial products are marketed as miracle products when in actuality they are not. That doesn’t make this a bad product. This program may very well work for parents, but the marketing practices utilized to sell it make it seem like a scam. The price is irrelevant as it has absolutely no relation to whether the product works or is a scam or not. As far as I am concerned, if it helps save one kid’s life it is a good thing.
So Keith, I agree on some things and disagree on others. I do however think that you could have gotten the same message across without calling desperate parents names and generalizing about children’s behavior issues. I also believe that the advertising is way off base, but then again, doesn’t ALL advertising make products sound better than they are? This is simply capitalism at it’s best. Caveat emptor, This is true for all products, not just infomercials. The scam is in the marketing and not in the product many times.
Best wishes in your endeavors. I enjoyed reading all of the responses and I hope you enjoy mine.
Generalities are necessary. When I say something that is generally true, it should be assumed that we are not all clones. However, generally speaking, I’m right, and that’s the point. You’ll see loads of people saying “well, that doesn’t explain ME so it must not be true.” Unfortunately, many of these people are simply lying to themselves. The others — the ones who really are different, are exceptions that prove the rule.
I’m appauled at this review. Like others pointed out, you made a review of a product without using the product. It’s based on their marketing alone.
There’s so many issues with your review; your view of products sold over infomercial, weight loss products, that it’s wrong to charge over $25 for a product and it must be in book form, not DVD form, it must be sold through a mega corporation like Barnes & Noble, etc.
Why is it a scam because he’s charging $300 +? The copay for a therapist is probably $20 minimum, if you don’t have insurance $100+. This product you can keep forever. I think part of the mentality that I object to is what people are wiling to spend money on. People pay $100 month for a premium cable tv service, $30 – $40 for a couple to go the the movies for 2 hours, $100 for a night out at a bar, etc. But investing $300 in trying to be a better parent for your children is a scam? You have what I believe to be a “poverty mentality” that a person cannot create a product and make money on it. Because he’s a therapist, should be be poor forever?
Your assertion that the only people that need genuine help for their children’s behaviors are basket cases that should take their child to a psychiatrist is highly offensive. What hope are you giving to a parent that is having trouble with their child and reads your review?
In my opinion psychiatry is the real scam. I’ve been around that industry for years and believe it doesn’t work. They charge hundreds for their pills if you don’t have insurance, but $300 for a course that you can work on over weeks and months (maybe years) is too much?
It’s a little controdictory that you say that this course is a rip off, that they should seek professional help if they have real behavior problems with their children, but this program is created by 2 professionals that many people have taken their kids to. They probably get a lot more than $300 to treat a kid on an ongoing basis; so as an alternative, they distilled their techniques and put it into a product that they can use at home. It could be a win win for people and for the creators of this product.
If you create a product what are your options to do with it? Go to a big retailer and your at their whim as to whether they will carry it or not, or you can market it yourself. Marketing it your self is much better, imo.
My observation is that instead of giving people something that they can use, you wrote a nasty review about a product you didn’t use. If you’re an expert, you should create a similar product and charge for it? Your time’s worth money.
Preston: Firstly, I didn’t ever say products should not be over 25 dollars or that products must be in book form. I said THIS product is unnecessarily expensive. And when did I say that it must be sold through Barnes and Noble or some other such bookstore? If you want to be taken seriously then you should stop making dishonest accusations. Really? You really think these “professionals” distilled their therapy down into a 300 dollar program, and that it’s the same thing? That’s a ridiculously naive assertion. Maybe you spent 300 bucks on this product? Well, you’re the idiot here, not me. Let me guess. It didn’t work for you so your bitter.
You said, “why not put it in a book and sell if for $25 bucks at Barnes and Noble?”
If you only get things that are from big corporate places then anything they deem as not worthy of being printed will be unseen from your eyes. I don’t trust them to be the gatekeeper of information for me. Plus, many people would prefer their information in a video/DVD format or audio format rather than in book format.
If you think the product is unnecessarily expensive then don’t buy it. But don’t criticise others for making a different choice. Hypothetically, if you had a house hold with children that were out of control, and things that you tried didn’t work for you, you think that $300 for something that could change your home for the better is too much to spend?
Your anser for that is that if they don’t ALREADY know what to do they’re, a “genuine basket case[s] who’s need go beyond the magic of infomercials.”
His comercials do state that they’ll get great results but even in his previews of the product on his website it says that it takes consistent application by the parent and his culture of accountablity is described as something that demands consistency from both the parent and child. He doesn’t say that it’s a miracle, magic thing; just a good plan that will work if applied.
Do you think that everything on infomercials is a scam? Because the George Forman grill that 200 million households own was first sold on there. I know people that have bouth a lot of things that they are happy with throught the internet or infomercial. P90X is one, which does work if applied. I haven’t bought either of these but I have bought DVD instructionals for my profession and they have helped me learn and apply a tremendous amount of information from them. And yes, I could’ve learned the same things from in-person study with the person that made the DVDs but at a much higher cost and it would’ve taken much more time, that I couldn’t devote at the time.
If this product is not a distilation of their theraputic techniques that what do you suppose it is? Something completely different from what they used with clients in person?
I’m just pointing out 1) that you can’t review something that you didn’t use, 2) many people think that a certain product is too expensive but will spend much more frivously on other things that won’t help their life in the least.
Another example of this is colleges. A college degree is great for some people, but others spend 10s to 100s of thousands on a degree that they never make one dime of money from. How is that a wise investment. Like a person, for example who go to college for history or a foreign language at great expense (at least $100/credit hour) and then work in a completly different field. If that same person then says spending $300.00 to help your child’s behavior is ridiculously high, they lose some credibility.
Furthermore, your assertion that,
“Instances of real bad behavior are much less than this guy wants us to believe, and those who do require real help are genuine basket cases who’s needs go beyond the magic of infomercials. ”
is baseless. And if that assumption is based only on your personal experiences (as a person that went to a private boarding school and lived on beachfront property as a kid) that’s not a representitive sample of what parents in other situations might be facing when parenting their children.
One more thing, I’m a professional in social work. I have not bought this product or one like it. I did however, speak to a counseling agency (headed by PhD) that are going to use this with one of the families that I work with. And I wouldn’t hesitate to drop $300.00 on this product if the need should arise.
Oh, and how would you feel if your child called someone an idiot for disagreeing with them?
I think you may be just trying to be controversial to get comments and traffic to your blog. A tip of that hat if that’s the case.
Preston: You didn’t just disagree with me. You called me nasty, and you began by being “appalled” (If this is all it takes to rankle you, you must spend a lot of time being angry). And, just because I used Barnes and Noble in a sentence does NOT mean I said that a product must be sold at Barnes and Noble. I said it because I want to demonstrate how painfully easy it would be to “distill” therapy into a book and sell it for a reasonable price (anywhere), at volume to many people who need help (if it’s all about the help that is). Heck, if it’s all about helping people, why not sell it in the Kindle store for 99 cents? I’m all for making some money, but why not just call it like it is? It’s no different than any other self help book. The author doesn’t write it to actually help anybody. He writes it so it will become popular and he’ll make tons of money. Dr. Phil? Oprah? Yeah, no actual helping going on there, just a bunch of money. The trick, of course, is to get people to believe you’re helping. Really, if people can be made into super parents for only 300 dollars, why isn’t everyone doing it? Is it just because they haven’t been introduced to the miracle yet? Or is it maybe because most sane people realize that parenting is tough, always has been tough, and will never stop being tough? Selling a fantasy isn’t tough, if you’re willing to twist the truth a lot. If you believe you can fix your kid with this program, go ahead and try. I say your kid probably doesn’t need fixing at all. Say, perhaps, that he is one of the few who needs real help. Believing in a 300 dollar fix is the exact sort of thing that got you in this fix in the first place. Supreme naivety. Save some money and get the same advice from a book. When that also doesn’t work, you’ll at least have saved some bucks. Or, invest that money into some real child psychology text books. Same 300 bucks, just no marketing or silly pop psychology.
I think I might get the course. You’re getting me to look at it more. I like the way he talks. It seems like good, fundamental advice and the reviews are great. Even on your anti-TT post, there’s people saying it’s great.
Preston: About being convinced to buy the course. I make no money if you do, and I don’t care one way or the other. But, to do it because you read that some people like it, many of whom actually have a financial interest in seeing you buy it, only demonstrates that you were looking for an excuse to buy it in the first place. You’re looking for validation for the decision you’ve already made. You created a fantasy in your head about how easy parenting will be once you buy the miracle. Bye bye, 300 bucks.
I don’t think most people that buy it think that it will be an easy miracle. Parenting will always be tough like you say. I think it will be more tough if you’re using inefficient techniques, and somewhat easier (and more successful) if you’re using inefficient ones.
Why does it have to be an either/or situation. Either he wants to help people or he wants to make money. He probably wants to do both. Did your professors at college just teach for the money or did they want to teach you something? There’s a financial motive for everything, that doesn’t make someone bad, dishonest or evil.
The fact that I would base a purchasing decision partly on what others say about it’s effectivness is logical. Social proof is one of the most powerful things people look for to make decisions. It has good and bad aspects to it, but it’s understandable.
I don’t really classify what I heard from Lehman as pop-psychology. I’d call it age old advice. Making your kids accountable, demanding they speak to you respectfully, keeping your word with your children.
And you might not reach as many people without marketing on a $.99 kindle book if no one knows about.
What would you classify as a “real child psychology text book?” I don’t think that only people with a degree in psychology are worthy of giving parenting advice. The education system was taken over a long time ago, particularly the medical education in America by the Rocafellers in 1902. They eliminated all nutritional solutions to problems from medical schools in favor of pharmacutical ones so they could make money off of illnesses. Then they expanded “illnesses” to include mental illness. So you go on thinking “Psychologists” and “Psychiatrist” have all the answers and bashing someone with advice on how to actually DEAL WITH and TALK TO and TREAT their children.
No comment on your investment in your education, or your experience as a private school kid as a cross section of people?
Preston: Going to college is not necessary for everyone. In fact, it really shouldn’t be necessary for many people at all. Most things in life can be learned by actively paying attention and doing. I would classify a real psychology text book as one that is not based on opinions which are based on an interpretation (usually one interpretation of many) of scientific research. A good textbook is a collection of actual scientific research, put together in such a way as to describe a defined subject, by authors who’s intention it is to thoroughly educate students who want to know the subject material. If you want an opinion, you can ask people like me (I’ve got tons of opinions that are based in fact). Opinions are cheap because opinions are easy. I wholeheartedly believe what I’m saying, but it’s just an opinion in the end. It doesn’t actually carry real weight. Your belief that the TT system will work is also an opinion. Have you noticed how few people in this forum have actually used the program? Oh, but everyone has an opinion! How can that be? Simple, opinions are the easiest thing in the world and they’re super cheap. What I wrote here is not actually a review of TT. How can I review it if I haven’t used it? No, what this blog post is is is just a rant about infomercial stuff and how silly and absurd it all sounds to me. I just used TT, but it could have been any number of similarly marketed products. Do I believe TT is a scam? Yup, I do. But that doesn’t mean this is a review. It’s an opinion that took me a few minutes to half-assedly type into a blog. I think I’m right, but naturally other people think I’m nuts. Fine. James was a counselor, and he had a masters degree in some relevant field (I forget exactly what it was in). But, does that mean he’s not a huckster? No, it doesn’t. If you want to buy the program, I encourage you to do it. In fact, when you complete the course, and it works for you, come back and I will publish your rave REAL review. I really will, promise.
You, said it best yourself “I’d call it age old advice. Making your kids accountable, demanding they speak to you respectfully, keeping your word with your children”. How can that advice be any more basic — or true? Seriously. Save your money and do what you just said right there because you’re absolutely RIGHT!
Well here’s a review that’s a little different.
My name’s Nikki. I’m sixteen years old and a few years back my mom decided to have a go at trying the total transformation because of my “attitude problem”
Let’s start out with some facts.
My mom and dad are both alcoholics.
I’m now going into grade 12.
I’ve had great grades and great attendance all through school and I’m very self motivated.
My mother and I have been having heated conflicts as long as I can remember. If I had to put a specific age on it I would say age 2.
So I think I must have been 12 or 13 when my mom purchased the total transformation. I had seen it around not realizing what it was.
My mom and I never got along as long as I can remember. She yells at me, she judges me harshly and very vocally, there’s no encouragement, there’s no support and most notably of all there’s no love. My mother and I don’t love each other. I’ll be in college next year and when I leave I’ll most likely never speak to her again.
I don’t know when exactly she began to implent the total transformation into our lives and I’m assuming it didn’t make a difference because the fighting has never stopped.
I’ve only listened to the one minute transformation cd but I was NOT impressed. there WAS a chapter on strategic recognition and affection and I listened to it and i remember thinking, “affection? what affection? where in this chapter does it talk about affection” It talks about giving complements to catch your kid off guard but there’s no LOVE. The whole CD was this cold unaffectionate plan. Like this whole paragraph I’ve been writing has just been so jumbled and I’m actually thinking about just erasing it all and forgetting about it. but I CAN’T because it’s so important to me for parents to know that SOMETIMES IT’S NOT YOUR TEENAGER’S FAULT!! SOMETIMES YOU DO HAVE TO MAKE SPEECHES AND SOMETIMES YOU DO HAVE TO ACT LIKE A WARM PARENT OR FRIEND OR SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK TO RATHER THAN A COLD HARD PIECE OF SHEET METAL. I’m just so frustrated by it. I feel like the total transformation didn’t talk about what you can do as a parent to make your teenager understand you and respect you. It teaches parents how to order their teenager around like a dictator. It didn’t cover how to respond when your teen wants to have a heart to heart with you or at least not on the cd that i was listening to!! And I just made myself so upset. I just feel like maybe if my mom listened a little more and cared about my feelings and asked me how things are going and told me she loved me and got more involved in my schooling and didnt call me a whore maybe I wouldn’t have such an “attitude problem”
Main point being, do yourself a favor, save your money and go see a counsellor instead of buying into this bullshit.
Nikki: Well said! It sounds like you’re already well on your way to being a better parent than yours are to you. I see this sort of thing all the time. Parents who think it’s the kids who are having problems when the real problem is usually nothing of the sort. It is not the child’s responsibility to be a better child, it is the parent’s responsibility to be a better parent. Unfortunately, many parents take that statement to mean that they aren’t “laying down the rules” enough or they’re too permissive or some other such nonsense. While it is true that many parents don’t know how to enforce rules, I don’t think it’s the case that more rules are the solution. Rather, it’s the communication, and implementation, of the reasons behind a few essential rules that makes the big difference. It’s unfortunate that many adults are nothing more than 8 year old’s in grown up bodies; they lack problem solving abilities and just about every other mature trait that goes into making good parents. The Total Transformation program seems to be a series of common sense instructions. Yet, what good will that do for a parent who lacks common sense to begin with? Not much sadly.
Every time I hear this product’s ads, I flinch. Oh yeah, that would have worked with my relationship with my parents – Christ!
Like when I was fifteen and I let slip that I thoght I might be gay, and my folks stopped the car on the interstate highway, and hauled me out of the car, and said they were going to abandon me if I didn’t apologize. “What do I need to apologize for?” I said. Apparently for my bad behavior. I ran the idea of walking up the side of the road and flagging down a cop. But then my parents would have figured out someother way to ‘control’ me. I ‘caved in’ and said I was just kidding – now that was a lie – to my self.
Another ‘parenting tip’ from my parents – if your booze is getting watered down, immediately accuse yours truly of drinking the stuff and force them to have a drink – I told them I wasn’t old enough, had one drink, and said no more! (turned out that one sibling was drinking the stuff and watering it down, the other was just watering it down – but both of them had perfect grades while mine sucked, so I had to be the ‘guilty party’).
So maybe the kid is just trying to cope in a dysfunctional family – I overheard a counselor once say that I ‘seemed’ awlfully frightened about something. Damn right!
And when my mother passed away in the hospital, I was the one who held her hand, while my two sisters were fighting over who was the ‘best loved’ – It was easy for me – I knew I wasn’t.
Maybe the people with ‘acting outi’ kids need to modify their own behavior. Thanks!
..
Control-freak parents who micromanage every aspect of their daughter’s life, and use Tough Love techniques to ensure their shy daughter never steps out of line. Are we surprised that the daughter became anorexic? Eating is the only thing left over which she has any control.
Divorced parents, custodial dad spends most time at his new girlfriend’s house, leaving his own house to become a decaying echo of a place that was actually homey once. The teenage son is left unsupervised much of the time, coming home to an empty house, and even home alone overnight. Are we surprised that his grades slipped, he began taking drugs, and has run-ins with law enforcement?
Mother had her daughter when she was 16 years old, and has spent her adult life dating and sleeping around, yet is really annoyed that in spite of putting a marginal roof over her daughter’s head, daughter is acting out, seeking the inappropriate attention of boys. How dare that fatherless apple fall so close to the tree when she’s had no better example set for her! Are we surprised?
Parents married, affluent household, child has everything material thing he could ever want, but little of what he needs, such as structure, supervision, responsibility, and affirmation. Parents are detached and busy pursuing their own careers/interests. In a house where everyone is leading separate lives, are we surprised when he becomes withdrawn, depressed, and self-destructive?
As always, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the children are diagnosed as having Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or Depression, or ADHD. Having been suitably labeled, the children are therapized and usually medicated, while the parents are now free to feel relieved of any personal responsibility for their child’s brokenness, and perhaps even take on the burnished distinction of being long-suffering martyrs for their problem child.
Too many supposedly “good” parents pay lip service to the premise that they would do ANYTHING for their child. The reality is that many are unwilling to sacrifice anything that would cause personal inconvenience, such as accepting a job with less pay/status in order to have more time for family, or a move to a smaller home, even if it meant that by doing so a mother could stay home to homeschool a struggling child, or to simply be there as a reassuring presence in the home to supervise and love a child more directly. The majority of parents will justify anything they want — a two income household with 50 hours a week of daycare, divorce, shacking up with lovers, moving a child away from a place where the child has deep roots — no matter how destructive an impact it has on their children, and will utter nonsense about “quality time” and the adaptability of kids, or mantras like “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” ad nauseum.
Full disclosure: I am a full time mother of school age children, I got married, had kids, and stayed married. In this season of my life, my most important job is to knit my family together, and make our home a place of comfort and joy. I do not subcontract motherhood out to nannies, daycare centers, or institutions. My children are thriving, joyful, and secure. My husband is happy, and looks forward to coming home to us every evening. My husband and I have known lean years and bountiful years, and have enjoyed each other and our children in both circumstances. Our children have known deprivation, though they never knew they were deprived. They have known bounty, and have never failed to express gratitude for it. Such blessings are not the luck of the draw…they are the fruit we reap when we sow and tend to our seeds wisely.
Would that all parents had your experiences and abilities. The sad truth is that the ones looking into this program probably haven’t. I can see that you count your blessings; perhaps you ought to look into being charitable, as well. Not everyone has the luxury of staying home, creating a warm, joyful environment – they have to work to support their children. Perhaps you could take the initiative and become a mentor to families who are struggling with this problem.
On a side note, I would have to agree that a lot of the information that seems to be included in this program can be found in less expensive books such as “Teen Proofing,” and “1-2-3 Magic.” These are books that are readily available and used by counselors to EDUCATE PARENTS, which I believe is Lehman’s intention to begin with. The “magic bullet” is for the parents to change their behavior, not to change the children’s. Its rather like a pep talk, telling parents that they really are in charge. Believe it or not, some parents are simply clueless. Its reality. Some parents are not readers. Audio/Visual is sometimes the best method to learn by. Some need to write it all out, or speak it to another person in order to gain anything from it. In the end, at least they acknowledge that they are trying to understand what their role is, and more importantly, isn’t, with regard to parenting (ie. they are not responsible for their children’s responses or actions, the child is). They are responsible for setting boundaries, and teaching by good example.
And yes, I am a social worker and a certified life coach. Knowledge leads to understanding, and understanding leads to strength and power. I haven’t reviewed the program, but I don’t think we ought to be knocking something that may very well enlighten those who are clueless and/or feeling hopeless. At least they are reaching out for the sake of their children.
I am also a mother of six, two whom are adopted. I am also a grandmother. My kids are all opinionated, well versed, caring members of society – at least the ones old enough to be so! I don’t claim perfection, but I do claim an open mind and an open heart, and I do volunteer my time to mentor, hence putting my money where my mouth is. If you are perfect, at least spread it around so others can emulate!
And to the author of this blog: if you don’t have something constructive to say, such as pointing people in the direction you are suggesting is better or cheaper (as in listing the multitude of books or other media that YOU have actually found helpful and can comment on from actual experience), rather than blatantly calling people idiots, perhaps you ought to consider refraining until you are able to do so? People know when they are inept or at their wits end. It is a sign of strength to look for or ask for help in an untenable situation. And I am not selling the program, I am simply disturbed by the negativity in your responses. I wouldn’t purchase it, simply because I have a library full of books I can recommend; however, I wouldn’t be a naysayer to someone who needed a different media source to learn by example.
I found this blog while researching educational media with regard to strong willed children.
D.Eriksson: I believe I am doing a service. Sometimes the best favor you can do for people is to be a naysayer. I’d gladly tell someone who is walking over a cliff that they are a about to make a huge mistake. The fact that people need something, undefined to them, does not make overturning every rock worthwhile.
Just want to add, that if you’re a little clever all you have to do is run a search on certain websites and you can find the Total Transformation to download for free
then you can try it and see for yourself without getting “ripped off”. I also believe the Lehman guy offers his program for free if you agree to give feedback for it. Something along those lines. Obviously you pay first, but these are just a few options…
Personally I am a clinical social worker/therapist and frankly just as there are many therapeutic models to help adults, the same goes for children. I think this guy’s techniques can work and have worked for some folks and their kids. I believe that usually most techniques work. It depends on how they are applied and if the parents are committed and consistent in the application of the model. Same with adult therapies.
Hope this is helpful.
I have dozens of childcare books. I am an educated, intelligent woman. Yet, my son has a completely different personality than mine.
I needed words to say, and the intonations to match, in order to be an effective parent.
This program gave me that. I memorized the phrases, and instead of arguments, I had understanding. It took time, and patience, and trust.
I have to review the program every once in a while, or I lose my effectiveness.
Worth every penny.
Thank you James.
I am sorry to disappoint you, but it really does help. Maybe not a cure all, but it does help. I do think they are asking waaaaaaaaaaaay to much money for this, but it does help.
Keith,
I love your blog and totally agree with this particular one. However, I just went on your site only to see a huge banner at the top advertising…you got it, The Total Transformation Program!!! What!! I don’t get it. Did you sell out? This seems to go against everything you stood for when writing this blog-what changed?
Shannon: That’s pretty funny.
Those ads are automatically generated by google based on the subject that the bots think I’m discussing. I guess the algorithm has a contingency for certain words that appear, but can’t figure out when I’m speaking against a product. I promise I have not sold out — well, intentionally at least!
I’m one of those parents who has tried everything with my gifted 11-year-old son. He was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Generalized Anxiety at age 6 (!) and we found out he was “exceptionally gifted” at age 9. I’d never heard of ODD before, and did a ton of reading. Library books, bought books, borrowed books from others. Four different therapists (play, family, and individual) over three years. Countless calls from school, where my son was raging in the “time away” space, refusing to do his work and telling the staff he was going to kill them. (Don’t get me started)
When our son was 9, we put our names on the waiting list for the Behavioral Therapy Center at the University of Vermont, where we heard they had great success with families like ours. After 4 months, we had our first appointment and never looked back. The head of the department wrote a book called “Parenting the Strong-Willed Child”, which we read and practiced with the therapist, and it has helped dramatically. This guy is the “Ansbacher and University Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Director of Clinical Training” at UVM. Frankly, I don’t care if he’s the janitor — It makes good sense and sounds a lot like what the TT promises, except that it’s an intensive 5-week program, nothing overnight. It took us significantly longer than 5 weeks to get through the steps, because believe me, it’s no easy fix. It starts with “Attending”, which is basically, spending some time with your child each day, giving them your total attention. This means you look at him, sit near him, watch what he’s doing, etc. and talk about it matter-of-factly. And if you have a child like ours, you know that even spending 10 “pleasant” minutes with him can be really unpleasant in the beginning, and that’s where the consistency comes in. You’ve just got to slog through it. One of the best things we learned was to choose one bad behavior to focus on changing at a time. If you go into it trying to change 5 things at once, it won’t work. Just pick something that happens every day (consistency) and that seems doable. The other steps come only when you’ve mastered the one before, and they include rewarding, ignoring, giving instructions, and using time-outs (different for older kids; we put his coveted games and books in time out instead of him).
Anyway, the authors are Rex Forehand, PhD (I know, sounds like a porn star, right?) and Nicholas Long, PhD. It’s $17 in paperback new. The subtitle says it’s good for 2- to 6-year-olds, but frankly, the ideas are the same for any age child, and it worked for us.
I hope this can help people. I really wish I’d read this book and done the Behavior Therapy thing when our son was much smaller; we could have saved ourselves SO much grief.
I applaud everyone for sticking with this conversation. It’s important.
Did you even read it? My son has been working with a therapist for 6 months and she has done nothing. We’ve tried everything on our own as well including fear, fun, and facts yet nothing has worked. I’m going to try this next. I’ll let you know how it works out.
I understand this is crazy and no i would never purchase from an infomercial…that is just crazy. That being said as a parent of three i can understand how a parent with a strong willed child could feel that they need to purchase such things.. When we have tried everything and nothing seems to work some people would grasp onto anything to try to help their children. I feel bad for the people that have been scammed out of their $$ and the ones that did purchase this BS i hope that they did get some information from it that helped a little…I have my doubts but i still hope that they did.
While I find this article interesting, and can see that the Total Transformation looks hokey at best, it strikes me as strange that someone who has never gone through the steps in this program, could make a case against it. It’s just some dad’s opinion on the infomercial he watched, and offers no real-life testing of the actual product. To me, it’s just another waste of my time.
I raised a daughter with ADD. This was 30 years ago when there was not much known about the problem. I came from a military family where the belt was used. My sister was ADD and my father about killed her. Literally.
I didn’t know what to do for my daughter because I wasn’t parented very well myself, but I never beat her because of it, but I did do a lot of yelling and self blame.
Now she has a son with ADD. My daughter takes medication, but still loses it when her son loses it. It’s very frustrating for everyone.
I have thought about buying the Total Transformation for them. Her husband is a saint and does what he can to intervene. He is a much more clam person than either of them, but he travels a lot. I guess I would like to help so it will help us all.
Look for flaws and you will find them. Look for answers and you will find them. Perception is the key, and your perception will vary from others. I am looking for answers and will not shun options. This being said, the TT as everyone seems to call it makes some very valid points. I have not used the full program but have started with some basics and see some improvements. I too am wary of the price but I have also read the fine print as well! I am not the uneducated buyer but also not the smartest person in the world. I am a mother of four and one of my four is causing so much chaos that I am on the edge of divorce to keep the other children safe. But this is no place for my sob story. But what will stand is this…. what works for some will not work for others. But no one knows what will or will not work until you try. We have enough hate in the world today to add more. It saddens me to see adults on here being hateful and rude when we are discussing a topic on how to prevent this in our children who hold our fate in their futures. It takes a tribe to raise a child…. the woman of the past helped their daughters and guided them to be good mothers. Today the skills passed down then have started to diminish. Every parent in this world needs all the help they can get if we ever plan on changing the hateful course this society is on. Me included. I am so frustrated at times I have thought I am not able to be a mother to this child whom I can not raise to act properly in society. But when I see the hateful slandering comments on here. It makes me want to work that much harder to help my son. I love him although he is not blood to me. He is still my son none the less because the woman before me was never his mother. I will not let hate get the better of my family. Please….. allow people to post comments. But do not be baited by hate. Ignore the hate. Please, try to show the side of you that your children would be proud of and that you would want your child to see. I am not perfect nor do I claim to be. I am seeking help just like most of you are. Thanks
I couldn’t disagree with all of you more. I took the Total Transformation program over a 3-month program last summer. I have consistently applied many of the techniques I learned in total transformation with my 17 year old daughter. Wow, what a change in her. Her teachers, grandparents, sister and many other adults have all noticed the good changes in her. Total Transformation is not a quick fix. If any of you had taken the time to go through the program, you would know that it takes time and effort to get through all the material that is presented by James Lehman. I have also called their parental hot-line several times and have been pleased with their assistance. Is my daughter magically well behaved all the time – no. We have setbacks and continue to work through each issue. But, she has turned a corner and is now headed down the right path, and for the first time in several years, I have hope for her future. By the way, I am not being paid by Total Transformation, I gladly tell all my friends who have troubled teens about what an amazing product Total Transformation is.
Wow, quite the can of worms you opened there. Well done for being the can opener. As a successful parent of 5 kids (probably more of a reflection on them than I) I have no need of a product like Total Transformation but gut feel when seeing the commercial was that it looked like hogwash and reading your blog and comments thereafter has been more informative than the 1001 “positive testimonials” that abound. I see now that they are offering it for free if you write a positive testimonial, I’m only surprised they are not offering it 2 for 1.
That said I am a proud owner of a broken unbreakable knife, a shake-weight doorstop and a sham-wow that frankly resembles the first syllable much more closely than the second. I would hope people are more committed to their relationship with their child than I am to drying my car off after my kids have washed it.
One thing I noticed about a lot of the negative comments about your opinion was that they seemed awfully vigorous in defending a product they were considering buying, and again the gut feel is that they are part of the hogwash.
Keep up the good work, now I have to hunt through your blog for the Rosetta Stone review!!!!
This program is AMAZING! Anyone who feels that $300 is too much to pay to educate themselves as parents and enable them to lead their children down a path to happier more productive lives, sure has an interesting value system.
The majority of neg comments I’ve read are from people who haven’t tried the program. If you dont know what you are talking about- why do you think your comments have any validity at all?
As for a book being cheaper- you’re right. So go read a freaking book. Many people prefer DVD and CDs. That’s their chocie. But I imagine that if you were so smart- you’d have already figured the whole parenting thing out for yourself and wouldnt need any expert advice.
If you’re curious- give it a try! It’s great, practical, start today advice. If you are committed to your children- you’d go to the ends of the earth to get help.
James Lehman deserves every penny. He did a fantastic job with this program. You’d easily pay $300 in a couple of therapy sessions. Good luck!! :0)
good parenting…….hmmmmm………costs no money……you need to spend time with your children. Alot of parents these days expect their children to raise themselves. For the most part children just want you to do things with them. it could be xbox, swimming, beavers. You can’t ignore them all the time. You have to go to games, you have to play games with them, you have to spend time with them….and it 100 percent free. If you ignore them they will ignore you. if you scream at them, expect them to scream at you. if you hit them, they might not hit you, but expect that they will hit their children when the time comes. i do agree that being a calm parent is a great thing. i do believe that if your going to snap, out the child in their room, until you and him are calm. nothing will be accomplished or resolved if the tensions are high in both child and parent. When things have calmed down then talk to your child in a loving and calm manner and they will be more receptive. Will you have to do this over and over and over again. Of course. Every child will push buttons. Why? To make sure you are still caring for and protecting them. As well, how you raise your children will affect who they are when they grow. should you constantly worry about. No. Unless of course your parenting will encourage physical and emotonal abuse. All you have to do s love them and teach them and help them the best you can. We as parents will never have perfect children because we ourselves are not perfect. One more note……If you think for a second that your child has never hurt anyone or mouthed off in their childhood to someone…you have to be kidding me…. unfortunatley kids are cruel, even the seemingly nice ones. We just have to teach them the best ways to handle it, and repeat t over and over and over and hopefully by the time they are 18 it wll be drilled into their core that they are good, kind caring, people.
Lolz…wen me n my kids wer in the car and heard that commercial, I told them I knew wat it was, and that I had it at home…Lolz I said it was a padlock on the door, with the tv cut off, and them locked in the room…at first they thought I was serious and all three just looked at eachother, my kids know better than to believe I would do sumthin like that to them and know better than to do anything that might warrant that kind of punishment