Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

My wife has an irrational fear of bugs, specifically bees, hornets and other buzzing, stinging things.  No matter how much I try to tell her that there is a rational way to react around bees, and that they won’t bother her unless she bothers them, she freaks out every time a bee gets too near.  It’s totally pathological, and there isn’t any amount of coaxing on my part that’s going to fix it.  It’s a phobia, an irrational, intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people (definition from Wikipedia).  The question she needs to ask herself, if she ever wants to get over it, is “Do I want to work at overcoming this fear through a methodical and psychological process?”  If she does, then it’s completely possible that, with a little guidance, she can overcome this irrational fear of bugs.  Conversely, if it doesn’t affect her everyday performance, she probably doesn’t care too much, and fixing it might be a waste of energy.  It all depends on how important it is. 

Unlike apiphobia the fear of the dark (nyctophobia) is always worth getting rid of because it’s debilitating.  The circadian cycle is half darkness or near darkness.  You, your child, nobody can be paralyzed by the dark and expect to live a normal life.  Fear of the dark, monsters and ghosts are all related to a general fear of the unknown.  In fact, the fear of bees is a product of the unknown, too.  Mely is afraid of bees because she’s never been stung by one.  She grew up in a dense urban area where wild animals, even bees, were not common.  She thinks she’s going to be allergic and die – even though she has no rational reason for thinking that.  Her fear of bees, like kids’ fear of the dark, is related to not knowing what’s around the blind corner.  I’ve never heard of a blind person being afraid of the dark.  I doubt people living in the Arctic Circle are afraid of the dark (they might go crazy, but they aren’t afraid of the dark).  How can they fear the dark if they don’t have any choice but to function in the dark?  How can a Nepalese villager whose livelihood relies on the collection of honey high up on cliffs be afraid of either heights or bees?  

A Word About Anxiety: 

A little anxiety is good.  Anxiety and fear are like medicine.  Just enough is good, too much is really bad.  If I walk into a back alley and hear strange noises in a dark recess behind a dumpster and I can’t see, it would be wise to have a little anxiety to heighten my senses.  I can then make a rational decision to back out of the ally, or to proceed with caution; it’s my choice.  A phobia is different.  Phobias are fears that are disproportionate to the circumstances.  Yes, it’s good to have a healthy respect for bees.  But to let them drive you to distraction makes your life worse, not better.  Fear is a tool to get you through life, not to make it painful. 

Treatment for Children: 

The Children’s Hospital of Boston has an opinion about treating phobias in kids that worries me a little.  I am not anti-psychology.  Psychologists can help people who need to work out deep problems.  What I am not a big supporter of is medication.  Read for yourself, from Boston Children’s Hospital:  

Phobias, like other anxiety disorders, can be effectively treated. Treatment should always be based on a comprehensive evaluation of the child and family. Treatment recommendations may include individual or cognitive behavioral therapy for the child (focused on helping the child learn new ways to control anxiety and panic attacks when/if they do occur), family therapy, and consultation with the child’s school. Some children may also benefit from treatment with medication – specifically, medications to stop the occurrence of panic attacks. Parents play a vital supportive role in any treatment process. 

Likewise, the Mayo Clinic lists, beta-blocker, sedatives and antidepressants as the three types of medication that are sometimes prescribed for severe phobias.  But, the Mayo Clinic website is little more specific about when medication is called for.  They say it is primarily used for social phobias like agoraphobia – the crippling phobias that cause people’s lives to become a giant mess of fear, not specific phobias that can be addressed with behavioral therapy.  That explanation makes much more sense to me.  It is rare for children to have crippling social phobias so medication is rarely called for. 

Back to Fear of the Dark: 

Kids who are scared of monsters in the closet and the uncertainty of darkness should be helped to overcome that fear with knowledge.  Are monsters and ghosts real?  Is the house physically any different at night than during the day?  As a parent I might even spend some time walking around with my kid in the dark learning to use senses other than sight.  Systematic desensitization is a legitimate technique for phobias that have yet to metastasize into crippling fear. That means education is the best policy for kids who’s fears have not had time to set in stone.  My boys are not scared of spiders.  In fact, it’s the exact opposite.  We live near an insect research center that also houses spiders.  The boys have handled tarantulas and learned all about how to get along with them and which spiders are dangerous.  Like I said before, a blind person who’s afraid of the dark would lead a seriously unproductive life.  We are afraid of the things that we don’t know.  I’m afraid of lions because lions have big teeth and can eat me.  That’s not a phobia because anybody who does not fear lions needs his head checked – totally rational.  Phobias are irrational; it makes sense to combat them with reason.

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