Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

Table manners are a social convention that change by family, by culture and by generation.  It’s been almost 100 years since Emily Post wrote her book, Etiquette, and I’m only a little ashamed I’ve never read it.  The fact is that I care enough about manners to not want to be offensive, but not enough to become an expert on it.  There’s even an Emily Post Institute online that answers every etiquette question I could ever think to ask.  I think I generally know what offends people, and I certainly know what offends me.  I don’t need any more than that basic working knowledge of manners to get by in my life.  If someone with no manners is considered a rube then someone who has too many is probably a priss.  I’d rather not be either.  But, about table manners.  Like I said, manners change with time, culture and family.  There are only a few rules I live by at the dinner table.    

1. Don’t talk with your mouth full: I think this is a universal no-no.  It’s gross and that makes it rude.  

2. Don’t talk over other people: If someone is talking, don’t interrupt.  This rule works just as well away from the dinner table.  

3. Don’t complain about the food: I don’t care how much the kids eat, but it’s annoying to hear complaints about the cooking.  

4. Nobody leaves the table until everyone is done eating: If the boys wolf down their food they’re still expected to carry on conversation until I’m done (and their mother of course).  

5. Don’t play with the food: Otherwise known as the mashed potato rule.   

6. Don’t feed the dog: My grandma always used to feed her dog from the table.  It ruins the meal because it creates an annoying animal who doesn’t know about my other 6 rules.  We don’t have a dog; we have a rabbit.  He’s much easier to ignore than a dog, but he will still nudge your feet for food.  We give him a bowl of lettuce and some blueberries when we eat.  That way everyone eats together, nobody feels left out and there’s no begging (although rabbits are really cute when they beg).  

7. Help clear the dishes and pick up garbage: I don’t expect perfection, but the kids should at least respect the meal enough to help pick up.    

That’s about it.  There’s nothing earth shattering or super unique here.  They’re just my rules for eating together.  I prefer to leave the little things like polite conversational topics and pinkie-out sorts of criticisms to the professionals.  My kids can pretty much talk about what they want, and I don’t even know where the pinkie out thing came from anyway.  Oh, fine – I’ll look it up.  Originally, all teacups came from China, and they didn’t have handles.  The pinkie up thing was a matter of balance to not spill the liquid.  The handle was added to teacups by the Meissen Porcelain company in 1710, but the tradition continued anyway.  There you go! 

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