Rock Paper Scissors: Conflict Resolution
By: Keith
![247-sbj-rock-paper-scissors[1]](http://www.almightydad.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/247-sbj-rock-paper-scissors1.png "Rock Paper Scissors: Conflict Resolution | Rock Paper Scissors")
Every conflict between my boys has something to do with a material thing, some physical object. Thankfully I’m not alone in my parental frustration. It turns out that 75% of sibling conflict stems from disagreements over objects (Dr. Laurie Kramer, University of Illinois). The traditional notion that conflict arises out of competition for parental attention is wrong; it ranked dead last of all the reasons siblings fight (Nurture Shock). I didn’t really think my kids were ever fighting for my attention anyway, but I’m happy to know it’s just about the toys. I can work with that. The obvious solution is to take away all the toys, but that won’t work because then they’ll fight over whatever is left over – pots and pans, erasers, rocks. I think the better recourse is to start them on rock paper scissors.
A Wrinkle in the Cunning Plan:
Getting them to agree to solve problems with a game of rock paper scissors might be difficult. Coin flips don’t work because they argue about who gets to flip the coin and call the toss (it’s even worse if I do it because they accuse me of favoritism). Rock paper scissors is definitely fair. The real problem is determining when rock paper scissors is a viable solution. For instance, if one kid has a toy and the other comes to take it away by force then obviously I can’t tell them to rock paper scissor it out; that would just encourage them to take their 50/50 chance that bullying will get them what they want. No, the disagreement has to be genuine, and the fault has to start at 50/50 for rock paper scissors to be a good solution. That leaves me back at square one; I’m going to have to actually do real parenting. But, not all is lost. Rock paper scissors is still good fun and it can still always be used for picking the flavor of ice cream for dessert and for deciding who gets the front seat on the way to gymnastics. This brings us to the doofuses who take it a bit too seriously.
The World RPS Society:
I was incredulous too. Yes, there’s a Rock Paper Scissors Society. In fact, there was a RPS world champion last year who won 7,000 dollars for beating a bunch of other aspiring RPS masters. Science has recently discovered that a coin toss can be gamed (to a certainty of 70%) by practicing the fine motor skill of the flip and catch. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there is also a method by which a person can predictably win at RPS (There’s an article on their website all about it). My twin sister and I played RPS when we were kids. I can’t say I ever figured out a pattern to her throws. Naturally I must not have taken it seriously enough. If I had really been set on getting my vanilla ice cream for dessert I would have cared enough to master the art of RPS. Maybe I could have been standing on that stage wearing a Captain America outfit and holding a big check. If only I had known.
What’s the real solution to sibling conflict? Unfortunately the only solution is ad hoc parenting. Kids fight over predicable things for predictable reasons. That doesn’t mean the solution is as easy as a game of rock paper scissors (I can’t call it RPS with a straight face). Sometimes the only way to fix these disagreements is to wade in, sleeves rolled up, and actually figure out what happened and make a wise decision. Heck, there’d be no way we’d ever grow old and wise if we let fate make all our decisions for us.
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Keith that’s pretty interesting. I didn’t know there was a RPS Society. I agree, I could see RPS working in the short run in parenting. While I was helping out in the scouts, we used RPS sometimes to quickly resolve conflict. We mainly used it to cover something minor or silly. Otherwise it was talked out. I’m not a parent. But I enjoy reading your blog. – Matt
Matt. That’s an good point. RPS is the sort of game that works well with boys. They tend to forget whatever the dispute was and just start having fun with the rock paper scissors!
I like this. I use the RPS method when applicable as well. I also employ the high brow, “pick a number from 1-10″ when my three little ones fight over who is going to site in the front seat or watch “their” show on tv -regardless of the fact we have a DVR. Since rock, paper, scissors or kai, bai, bo as I was first introduced to it by my Korean neighbors as a youth, has the acronym RPS, I think from this point forth I shall name my alternate method, PAN1 10. Catchy right? Lol.
Ah, yes, Tshaka. Pick a number from 1-10 is good too. Wow! This is a good discussion to write a whole new post about. “What methods do we tell our kids to employ to solve their problems?”. Kai, bai, bo — that I have never heard
My son’s best friend is Korean so I’ll ask him if he can ask his friend about it. Learn something new every day.
My friend uses RPS to solve all disagreements but the sequence is not solidly in my head so I always have that awkward moment of figuring out what trumps what. I have ZERO hope with the extended list although it looks fun!
This is yet more solid proof that people can overdo about anything! I can’t wait for your article about the ways in which different parents resolve conflicts!!