Almighty Dad | A stay at home dad blog

Okay, my boys are only 6 and 5 years old; they’re not going to be holding steady jobs for a long time.  That doesn’t mean they can’t participate in household sorts of chores.  They’re both old enough now that they can help setting the table, preparing easy meals, cleaning their room and some basic yard work.  Unfortunately they aren’t quite old enough to mow the lawn or clean out the gutters.  The reason I’m thinking about chores and putting the kids to work is because yesterday it occurred to me that I don’t expect much out of the boys.  I’ve gotten into the habit of doing everything myself, even the stuff they are perfectly capable of doing themselves.  And, the last thing I want is for them to grow up spoiled or ungrateful for their lifestyle.  It is my belief that one way to be grateful for something is to appreciate the work that goes into producing it.

I Want It

     “Yes, Neil, I know that paintball gun is super cool. You still can’t have it.” 

     “But, Dad!  It’s only 85 dollars.  You spent 150 dollars on groceries this morning.”

And, that’s the reasoning of a 6 year old.  When they were very little it was easier.  I could pick them up a Matchbox car or a box of Animal Crackers and I’d be the greatest dad in the world.  These days, because I say no so often, I’m a pretty terrible guy.  It was the above conversation that pushed me over the edge and saw the kids being put to work.  Now, in my mind I can associate work with reward.  I’m not sure the kids can do that.  To associate output with return I thought about an allowance system.  I had an allowance when I was a kid, and that idea seemed to make sense.  I ran across a website that talks about age appropriate allowances.  It’s right here.

Allowances

What do allowances teach?  Parents think they teach money management.  Well, not in my case.  My parents used to give me an allowance and I’d always blow the whole thing on Junior Mints at the pool snack bar.  No, allowances teach kids that no matter what they do they’re going to get cash.  I think, although it may seem anti-social to say, that allowances teach people to hold low level government jobs.  You know, the post office employees that shows up, sort of, to work but don’t actually do anything?  That’s what allowances teach.  I’m not going to teach my kids that rewards come for doing nothing.

Direct Correlation

My idea is to pay the kids for performance.  My dad used to do that when he’d ask me to wash the car and offer to pay me 5 dollars for my troubles.  If I did a crappy job I might only get a dollar, or worse, nothing.  There are certain things I expect out of the kids no matter what.  Like I expect them to help set the table and clean their room.  But, I’m talking about the bigger stuff like weeding the yard or helping me to carry fire wood.  The consequence of infrequent pay opportunities should, eventually, if they want to earn more money, cause them to come ask me for money earning chores.  It might be too much to ask, but that’s my hope, that they’ll seek out work rather than expect a constant pay-check.

Gratitude

We live in a great country full of great opportunity.  We don’t live in North Korea.  I think we’ve got a lot to be grateful for.  I could be poor today and rich tomorrow depending on a combination of skill, luck, and hard work.  The boys don’t have to worry about a caste system that keeps them down or a religious structure that stifles innovation or a dictatorship where only friends of the great leader have opportunity.  Considering all this greatness, how can we teach kids to be grateful?  Apparently it’s as easy as leading by example (here‘s an informative article about gratitude).  The writer suggests, and I believe her, that kids pick up feelings of gratitude from their parents.  In other words, If I act grateful for my many blessings then the kids will learn to act grateful for theirs.  Over time they will understand the depth of their own blessings.  I think that makes good sense.  Maybe it’s just a matter of comparing our situations with others who aren’t so fortunate.  I’m not talking about the bums who panhandle.  I’m talking about teaching the kids some history.  Teaching them about slavery might do the trick.  I’m not sure even adults understand the meaning of opportunity anymore.  The bums on the street have opportunity, they just chose not to exercise it.  I’d feel more sorry for them if they were slaves.

I want my kids to appreciate all the rewards of hard work.  I’ve realized it’s not that easy.  I could give them allowances, but I don’t think that would help; heck, it might make them feel even more entitled.  I could just put them to work and expect them to make the connection between input and output themselves.  They probably would, but I’d rather have a more active learning situation.  My solution is a combination of payment for production and solid history lessons.  Of course, I can’t forget that I have to be more grateful as well.  What good am I as a father if I can’t lead by example?  Teaching the kids gratitude is going to involve a full family effort.  In reality, we all have something to be grateful for, and we should say it more often.

No related posts.