Good Kids
By: Keith
Children have minds of their own. They do inexplicable things and, at times, they are frustratingly incompetent. But kids are supposed to be that way. They aren’t supposed to know to write code, bake a four layer cake, or know what a limited slip differential is. Youngsters are ignorant of many things, and they should be. I am 35 and I make a fool out of myself almost every day with pieces of information everyone else things I should know, but I don’t. But, knowing factual information and having some social graces are two separate things. The root purpose of all learning is to be able to get along in the world. Kids should begin their social education from the moment they can comprehend it (which varies by kid). Some people think obsequiousness is what makes good kids. I think that’s wrong. Being subservient isn’t what makes kids pleasant to be around, it’s being polite and engaging that make children agreeable. They should still be incompetent, and they should have fun and be kids. Being childlike should also include acting like a member of a functioning society. All people have a social responsibility to have some patience with other people, and kids are people. So too do those people have a right to their own peace and quiet.
Patience
Parents, by their nature, should have a lot of patience. We manage some pretty crazy circumstances with our kids. Without patience we’d go crazy trying to teach the kids anything. Other adults have to have some patience with kids too. They can’t expect kids to have the same social abilities as civilized adults. An occasional errant kid noise in a public place has to be expected by everyone because kids are a part of society just as much as grown-ups. Adults who can’t recognize a kid’s right to be a kid are lifeless turds in my opinion. Some people think the world is built for them, and it just isn’t. Kids have rights, and they have a right to be just about anywhere other adults are. Nobody is going to tell me to take my kid elsewhere. They aren’t dogs! But, at the same time, we are all part of the big picture, and kids need to compromise in public places too. People should not have to listen to a screaming child in a restaurant or at a movie. These are two examples of places that require social graces. If kids can’t manage that then parents shouldn’t put them into those social situations. Other people are not required to bear obnoxious kids.
Overkill and Moderation
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who mistake chain book stores with libraries. Book stores are for perusing books and buying books. Libraries are for reading and research. People who sit in a book store to read for free cannot expect a library experience. So this brings up a good question. When should people expect higher levels of conscientiousness from kids? Here is a list of places where silence is golden: Libraries, Movies and Theater, Upscale restaurants, Church, and Museums. Not all places require perfect manners. Sometimes there are places that only require moderate vigilance. Some of those places are: Supermarkets, Banks and Public Offices, Family Restaurants, and The Mall and other Stores. And, of course, there are places where kids should let loose and be entirely kidish. They should either run free and be as idiotic as they’d like or else they should have only safety related supervision. These places include, Parks, Amusement Parks, Home, The Beach and Public Pools, and anything else of that nature. It’s pretty clear that kids need to have free time. There are so many places where kids need to have manners and be polite and be good. For that reason they also need to have balance, the chance to really be kids. Learning to be an adult can be hard work. Children need public parks and yards to run around and let out their pent up energy.
No Genuflection, Please
The reason it is polite to give preference to older people is because of their physical limitations, not simply because they are older. Wisdom may or may not come with the passage of time; and, even if it universally did, intelligence and wisdom have nothing to do with the need to sit. I teach my kids to relinquish their seats for people who look like they need it more, not to people who, through the fluke of being born first, think they deserve it. For instance, my knees and hips and back are just fine. I don’t make my kids get up for me. I am perfectly capable of standing. All three of us though will defer to my wife when there is no place left for her to sit down. It isn’t because she has a physical problem, it’s because she’s a woman and that’s what we’re supposed to do. Can I explain it? Nope, but if the kids ever want to get a good girlfriend they’ll do it. That’s sociology. Kids are like the rest of us. Their brains are just not as well developed. Does that mean they should be servants? No. Being respectful isn’t the same as being servile. Servile kids do not learn to think for themselves, they learn only how to avoid conflict, and that’s unhealthy.
I have taught my kids to be respectful of all people regardless of age. Being polite to people by saying please and thank you is not just a kid thing, it is an everybody thing. Giving up seats on a bus or subway is the nice thing to do for people who look like they could use it. That includes all women especially pregnant women, older people with health problems. A nice guy on a bus once gave up his seat for my 5 year old. I thought that was nice of him as it showed he recognized that respect is not one way. Kids and adults coexist in the same world. Kids should be taught early to know their circumstances and to be conscientious when the time warrants. Just as adults should not be overly critical children should not be overly obnoxious. Restaurants and Libraries are examples of places kids should learn to compromise, and become more mature. Parks and the outdoors are places where adults should learn be more aware of children’s need for freedom. This world is for everybody, and nobody is superior because of age.
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Well said, thank you.
Gracias por compartirlo. Parece interesante, pero me quedan algunas dudas sobre su “pragmatismo”