Don’t Apologize for Breastfeeding!¡No te disculpes por tener que amamantar a tu hijo!

By: Keith

I‘ve written previously about breast feeding in public. Thus, I won’t rehash the entire spiel.  Needless to say I’m an advocate of breast feeding, in public or wherever.  I can eat pretty much anywhere I want so I think a baby ought to be able to do at least as much. That’s not the point though. This evening I was walking around in downtown Boulder looking for my wife and kids (who I had managed to temporarily misplace). As I turned a corner and began to cross the street I surprised a woman who was breast feeding on a bench under a tree. It was clear that she had chosen a spot away from the restaurants and crowds to do it.

HH

She detached the kid from her boob and covered herself while apologizing to me. For a second my reaction was to wave my hand as if to dismiss the concern and keep walking. But then I thought, why is she apologizing? I said, “Don’t apologize. Babies have to eat, too.” Then I kept on moving. But, the more I think about the exchange the more I can’t help being upset that some part of her life has programmed her to apologize for this perfectly natural behavior. Is it her community? Maybe her upbringing? Husband? I don’t know what it is. It was a seemingly benign comment that I believe has a deeper, and negative, psychological origin which I hope someday will completely vanish from society. Doesn’t it seem a bit weird that a baby should have to stop eating just because someone else (who is completely non-threatening) is in the vicinity?

HH

Previamente he escrito acerca de amamantando en público. Por lo tanto, no voy a aventarme nuevamente ese rollo. No es necesario decir que yo soy partidario del amamantar, en público o donde sea. Yo puedo comer casi en donde quiera que se me dé la gana así que yo creo que los bebés deberían poder hacer cuando lo menos lo mismo que yo. Pero ese no es el punto. Esta tarde yo estaba caminado por el centro de Boulder buscando a mi esposa y a mis hijos (quienes consiguieron perderse temporalmente). Al dar la vuelta en una esquina y comenzar a avanzar por la calle sorprendí a una mujer quien estaba amamantando a su bebé sentada en una banca bajo un árbol. Era claro que ella había seleccionado este lugar porque estaba alejado de los restaurantes y de las multitudes.

HH

Al verme ella destetó a su hijo, se cubrió y comenzó a disculparse. Por un segundo mi reacción fue el agitar mi mano descartando su preocupación y seguí caminando. Pero inmediatamente pensé, ¿por qué se está disculpando? I said, “No se disculpe. Los bebés también tienen que comer.” Y seguí mi camino. Pero, entre más pienso acerca de este evento no puedo evitar que me moleste que cierta parte de su vida le haya programado para sentir la necesidad de tener que pedir disculpas por un comportamiento que es completamente natural. ¿Es su comunidad? ¿Tal vez la manera en la que haya sido educada? ¿Tal vez su esposo? Yo no sé. Fue un comentario aparentemente benigno que yo creo tiene un origen más profundo, psicológico y negativo que espero algún día desaparezca por completo de nuestra sociedad. ¿No te parece un tanto extraño el que un bebé tenga que dejar de comer simplemente porque alguien más (quien es completamente no amenazante) se encuentra en la vecindad?

HH

14 Responses to “Don’t Apologize for Breastfeeding!¡No te disculpes por tener que amamantar a tu hijo!
  1. I've Become My Parents August 28, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    I completely agree. Here is one of the most natural, instinctively programmed, nutritionally beneficial, soothing and comforting thing for a mother and child and we’ve somehow created an atmosphere that results in an apology. It’s nuts and thanks for calling it as it is.

  2. Lisa Benton August 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    Great post! You’ve certainly hit a hot button for many mothers here. Thanks for making a strong, simple point about such a multifaceted issue we mothers face!

  3. Margie August 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm #

    Hi and thanks! I have posted a youtube video at some point about a man eating a sandwich and toddlers going by with their Moms and making faces at him like “How disgusting!” It is to makes people think: Why act so weird about babies eating?

  4. ME August 29, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

    Amen! You are so right! It is the same for women that say they’re just a mom. What?! There isn’t a “just” in any part of being a parent, stay at home or working.
    Somehow it has become unacceptable to be a sahp or to breast feed. Heaven forbid if you’re doing both. LOL But THAT is unacceptable.

  5. Chopperpapa August 30, 2011 at 5:24 am #

    Personally speaking I could care less however I will give you another perspective that may shed some light on the differing opinion. It has to do with our culturals’s notion of nudity and sexuality.

    Breasts are seen less for their intended God given purpose and more as an instrument for sexuality and inticement. We’ve all heard the complaint that women’s eyes are on their head not their chest. We’ve heard the stories of men being slapped for looking where they shouldn’t.

    Teenagers look at breast feeding women for chance to see boob while young children are protected by theirnparents because they may see boob.

    I dont think in the end the disgusting part that people refer too isn’t the feeding issue as much as it is a partial display of nudity. A woman should never have to apologize for feeding their child as long as she takes the steps to respect those around her and especially herself.

  6. Anne Reese August 30, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

    I am “programmed” to not show “intimate” body parts to the public but you know, when it comes to my baby I can do anything. I just don’t like the stares that I sometimes get from people as if I’m having some indecent exposure… More power to you and your blog!

  7. Odd Dad August 31, 2011 at 11:48 am #

    People are so uptight about breastfeeding and I’ll bet this woman knows it. I doubt she has any personal issues with her breastfeeding; I think she just expects strangers to be offended. So, her first reflex is to apologize. It’s sad to think that she was apologizing because she feels guilty about breastfeeding. Perhaps she’s just modest. Or perhaps she does feel guilty because her uptight husband makes her cover up when baby needs to eat. I think if more people knew the benefits of breastfeeding and how breastfed children are ultimately healthier, more people would be accepting of public breastfeeding. But the general public is still too prudish to handle boobs. I mean, not HANDLE boobs, but handle seeing boobs. Yes, that’s what I meant.

  8. Aprendiendo a Ser September 1, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    Hola,
    Te he dejado un premio en mi blog.
    http://aprendiendoaser.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/nos-llego-premio-blogero/

    Abrazos!

  9. Larissa September 1, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

    Good point, I also find myself apologize for breast feeding in public places and I really should stop doing that!
    Thanks!
    Larissa from Hair removal methods

  10. dad blog September 10, 2011 at 5:34 am #

    All to the mums that breastfeed in public, but, I don’t like it.. I know a baby has got to eat, but surely the mums could be organised enough to have expressed a bottle ready just in case baby needed a feed out and about?

    My wife has the same opinion, and so do a lot of mums we know. As parents, my wife and I are prepared enough to avoid these awkward occasions. But, each to their own I guess. I however are felt awkward when I see it..

    - tork

    • BVI Trudi October 28, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

      I know to each his own and all that, but I really don’t feel the need to apologize or “be organized” when it comes to feeding my baby. I have breastfed in public and seen mixed reactions from both men and women. Some hate it, some don’t care and others complimented me on being brave enough to do it in today’s society. Personally, I could care less whether or not people like it. My baby is hungry? I will feed him. From my breast. Wherever we are. It is a way for mother and child to bond. Why should I deprive him of that little joy of doing what come naturally? Rooting for a boobie and finding it. Why should I feed it to him from a bottle. I am not apologetic now nor will I ever be. I wish more women would think like me.

    • Neil April 10, 2012 at 8:52 am #

      I realise this is a rather old post but seriously…..

      Organised enough to have expressed a bottle? Why should they sit around for ages expressing just so you dont feel awkward? I suggest an easier solution would be for you to get over your reaction to what is a perfectly natural way to feed a baby.

      My Wife was walking through our local shopping centre (“mall” for some of you) feeding our little one the other day. Out of the 200 or so people we walked past only 1 or 2 even noticed she was feeding him.

      The world will not end if you see a nipple, we all have them.

  11. babbo October 3, 2011 at 9:19 pm #

    I’ve noticed the same thing concerning a different parenting subject: miscarriages.

    My wife and I had two ectopic pregnancies before we were blessed with our two boys. I can not tell you how many people I’ve talked to that have had similar experiences, but there’s some sort of taboo around it.

    I don’t know if parents are afraid of being perceived as failures, or if it’s just too painful, but I can say my sadness and loss is still with me (it’s been about 10 years).

    What’s wrong with talking about our lost children? Isn’t speaking about them a way of honoring them?

    Sorry, I know your blog post is about breast feeding, but this is what came up for me.

    Peace,

    babbo
    http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/

  12. A Young Dad January 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm #

    I don’t care if I mom breastfeeds in public and I don’t understand why so many people have issues.

    Girls – see their own boobs everyday, what difference does it make if a mother gets hers out to feed a baby

    Guys – Probably spend half the day looking at boobs on the internet or thinking about them. I think it is hypocritical to say it is inappropriate. I bet most of the guys who say that look at things 10 times more inappropriate on the web.

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