Carry Your Kid – EverywhereCarga a tu hijo – A todas partes
By: Keith
Psychology Today Magazine reports an interesting study done on monkeys into the affects of touch as it relates to mental health. The results are somewhat unsurprising; it boils down to this: monkeys go nuts if they aren’t touched. The more they are touched the better they perform. We all know that scientists don’t do tests on monkey because they’re cute; they do them because monkeys give us insight into our own behavior. This research validates a bigger argument that I’ve made repeatedly which is that there is no such thing as too much praise, love and affection when it comes to parenting. Psychologists have also done research into what makes some people confident and others not. What makes some people massively successful while others, no less intelligent, founder? Again, there is a common thread, and it is unconditional love from their parents. Unconditional love does not mean ignoring mistakes. It simply means that mistakes do not ever get in the way of a parents support. Withholding love as a manipulating device does much more harm than good.
Learn to Do Things One Handed:
Like monkeys, people have the ability to perform most tasks one handed. Our brains adapt us mentally and physically to take care of kids. I was scared I would be a bad parent before we had kids. Those fears were unfounded because I’ve done just fine. It hasn’t taken special classes or preparation. It has simply been a matter of letting my latent instincts take over. That’s my brain making adjustments for me, triggering skills I didn’t know I had. Learn to do things one handed. Carry your kid everywhere with you, and do it for two reasons. The first being that touch is vital for a child’s sense of self and belonging. The second is that there is no such thing as too much support, and holding your kid is the physical manifestation of your unconditional love.
Get Pumped:
Ever heard the one about the guy who raised a calf and picked it up every day of its growth? At what point was he not able to lift it? The same goes for kids. Get used to carrying them when they’re infants and there isn’t any reason you can’t do it when they’re 4 or 5. I know some parents long for the day that they can put their kid down to walk by himself. I would hold off on that. You only get the chance to carry him for a few years. Take advantage of the time you have. You also know now that carrying your kid is not spoiling him. It is actually you giving him self confidence and security.
I think experts are generally overrated. But, I am also a scientifically minded person who respects evidence. I especially like evidence that supports what I already think – who doesn’t? This is one of those times that I can shrug and say, “Yeah, I knew that already.” Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that my parenting instincts are in tune with what we scientifically know. What we know is that monkeys go crazy without physical contact. We know successful businessmen all cite their parents’ unconditional support as a main factor in their prosperity. And, lastly, we know that people’s minds trigger latent abilities when the need arises. I think that makes a pretty good case for going with your instincts and picking up the kid.
La revista Psychology Today (Psicología de hoy) reporta un estudio interesante hecho con simios para ver los efectos en su salud mental relacionados con el contacto físico. Los resultados son un tanto no tan sorprendentes; básicamente los resultados fueron: que los simios se volvieron locos cuando no recibieron contacto físico. Entre más contacto físico recibían mejor se comportaban. Todos sabemos que los científicos no experimentan en simios porque éstos son tiernos; lo hacen porque el comportamiento de los simios les da una semblanza de nuestro propio comportamiento. Este estudio valida un gran argumento que he hecho con frecuencia con referencia a que no hay tal cosa como demasiado apercio, demasiado amor y demasiado afecto cuando se trata de ser padres. Los científicos también han hecho algunos estudios acerca de lo que provoca que las personas tengan confianza en sí mismas o no. ¿Qué es lo que hace que unas personas sean tremendamente exitosas mientras, no menos inteligentes, declinan? Nuevamente, hay una cosa en común, es el amor incondicional de sus padres. Amor incondicional no significa ignorar errores. Simplemente significa que esos errores nunca obstruyen el camino del apoyo incondicional de los padres. Negar amor como un medio de manipulación daña mucho más de lo que ayuda.
Aprende a hacer cosas con solo una mano:
Al igual que los simios, todas las personas tienen la habilidad de hacer la mayoría de las cosas con únicamente una mano. Nuestros cerebros nos adaptan mentalmente y físicamente para cuidar de nuestros hijos. Yo tenía miedo a no ser un buen padre antes de tener hijos. Esos temores fueron infundados porque lo he hecho muy bien. No ha requerido que tomara clases especiales u otro tipo de preparación. Simplemente ha sido cuestión de dejar que mis instintos actúen. Ese es mi cerebro haciendo los ajustes necesarios que yo necesito, haciendo funcionar habilidades que yo no sabía que tenía. Aprende a hacer las cosas con solo una mano. Carga con tus hijos a donde quiera que vayas, y hazlo por dos razones. La primera es que el tener contacto físico es vital para el desarrollo del sentido de pertenencia del niño. La segunda es porque no existe tal cosa como demasiado apoyo, y el cargar a tu hijo es la manifestación física de amor incondicional.
Haz músculos:
¿Has escuchado la historia del hombre que crió un becerro y lo cargó todos los días de su crecimiento? ¿A qué punto tú crees que él ya no fue capaz de cargarle? Pasa lo mismo con los niños. Si te acostumbras a cargarlos todo el tiempo cuando son infantes entonces no hay razón por la que no puedas cargarlos cuando tienen 4 o 5 años. Yo conozco algunos padres (y madres) que ya no pueden esperar a que sus hijos puedan caminar por sí solos. Yo me aguantaría a que pasara. Tú solamente tienes la oportunidad de poder cargarlos por solo unos cuantos años. Toma ventaja del poco tiempo que tienes. Tú también sabes que el cargar tus hijos no significa que les estas consintiendo. Al contrario, les estás dando confianza en sí mismos y seguridad.
Yo creo que los expertos son normalmente sobrevalorados. Pero, también soy una persona con una mentalidad científica que respeta la evidencia. Y especialmente a mí me gusta la evidencia que apoya lo que yo creo – ¿y quién no? Este es uno de esos casos en los que yo encojo mis hombros y digo, “Sí, yo ya lo sabía.” Aún así, es reconfortante saber que mis instintos paternales están entonados con lo que sabemos científicamente. Lo que sabemos es que los simios se vuelven locos sin contacto físico. Sabemos que las personas de negocio exitosas siempre citan el apoyo incondicional de sus padres como el factor principal de su éxito. Y, finalmente, sabemos que las mentes encienden habilidades durmientes en las personas cuando éstas son necesitadas. Yo creo que todo esto presenta un buen caso justificar seguir tus instintos y cargar at tu hijo.
I agree with you 100% back pain and all I didn’t even buy a stroller until my baby became a toddler. I just put her in the sling or pack on my chest and dealt with the fact that I was a mom, and there might be physical pain with that.
Now that she doesn’t stay still for 2 seconds, I let her know about love in a different way.
Sometimes, when she is having a rather bad day or even if I am having a bad day and I put her in time out I say, I love you but you still have to be in time out because you didn’t listen but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
.-= Native Momma´s last blog ..Mashed Yams =-.
Native Momma, That’s what we did too. We used a sling for our boys. I think you just made my point about the time-out question. It’s not that we punish our kids that’s the issue, it’s the attitude we have while we do it. Thanks for another visit!
Holding our children/ grandchildren is as emotionally nourishing for us as it is for them. Love must have an outlet that words cannot always express. Prepare to be hugged!
good point, mom. I think it’s just as rewarding for parents as it is for kids. Keeps us sane and focused on what’s most important.
Hi Keith… I like the premise of this article. It does raise a question for me though.
I am wondering if in your research you happened upon any mention as to whether a Time Out is considered “withholding love.” Is that what you mean by “withholding love as a manipulation device”?
Thanks
.-= Danny Grubb´s last blog ..10 Tips for Dora the Explorer =-.
Danny, I didn’t read anything about time-outs or any other specific punishments. I personally don’t see how having a time-out is withholding love unless it’s done just completely wrong. I think the idea is not that we can’t punish our kids for bad behavior but that we have to do it with the right attitude. In other words the punishment should be for the kid’s benefit and the kid should understand that — he shouldn’t think he’s being punished because his parents don’t like him. Great question.
I love this entry. I have worn all 4 of my children EVERYWHERE from infancy. Including both of my twins, at the same time, until they were 16 months old. There is nothing more rewarding as a parent, then seeing my securely (emotionally) attached, confident children, begin to navigate the world independently. When the folks who made disparaging remarks about how I never,”put that baby down” compliment me on how wonderful and independent they are, I smile knowing they became that way through having their needs met so well early on.
Thanks, Jody! I have a twin sister and I always wonder how my mom got along with transporting the two of us at the same time. You are completely right — don’t listen to the naysayers
Great post! I agree 100%.
We carry our girls everywhere. In fact, we rarely use strollers. We just prefer to have our girls in carriers or in our arms – close to our hearts, close to our conversations. This “season” of parenting is indeed short.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Disneyland with a baby and preschooler : Part II =-.
I’m so glad to be hearing from people who think this is a good thing. I’ve read and heard others say they want their kids to walk solo as early as possible. Now that both my kids are over 5 I get a little misty when I think about how I used to be able to carry them with one hand
but 
because I can still lift them and hug them a lot
What a great article– one of the best researched and enjoyable ones I’ve read on rearing a child I’ve ever seen. It’s been decades since my parents have held me, especially since I’m too fat to be picked up now!
.-= Dennis Yu´s last blog ..This is why you don’t gossip on the Internet =-.
When my oldest was little we use to do this little jump from the 6th step up and I would catch her. Once when she was 4 1/2 years old I had hernia surgery and so we had to suspend the silliness for a bit except one time she forgot that daddy couldn’t pick her up and out of habit leaped down the steps at me and I had to catch her because she would have gotten hurt if I didn’t. The resulting pain almost killed me but I survived.
I still pick up my kids and they are now 6 and 10 more out of jest than to show any kind of nurturing affection but I still do it. They get a kick out of it and it helps keep us connected. I figure the 10 year old is about at the end of her line but who knows I may be still picking her up at 14 in occasion.. .
.-= Keith Rispin´s last blog ..Just Say No (Part 4) =-.