Are you making these parenting mistakes?¿Estás cometiendo estos errores de crianza?
By: Chris Bourret
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
~ Michelle Pfeiffer
Miss Pfeiffer speaks truth. There is no perfect parent. All we can do is try our best and learn from our mistakes. Avoid the mistakes listed below and you’ll be well on your way to being an awesome dad!
My favorite saying when it comes to parenting is ‘Say what you mean, and mean what you say’.
Don’t promise anything that you don’t intend to keep. This goes for rewards, as well as punishments. If you threaten to throw out all the toys on the floor if they don’t get picked up, you better be ready to follow through. Or at least fake it. Grab a garbage bag and start filling it. Go as far as you need to prove your point. They’ll know you’re serious when a bag of their favorite toys is sitting on the curb. On the same note, if you promise ice cream if they finish their veggies, don’t back out when they are able to choke down their broccoli.
Lack of discipline in public
We’ve all seen it. Little Johnny waiting in line at the grocery store spots all the chocolate bars. Quick as lightning, Little Johnny takes the stage and treats everyone within a ten foot radius with the mother of all tantrums. But this isn’t Little Johnny’s first time. He’s played this game before. He knows that eventually mom or dad will give in and reward his performance with sweet chocolaty goodness.
Never reward negative behavior. You’re only doing it for the sake of others. I have no problems listening to a child’s tantrum if it means teaching a lesson. Kids are smart, they know if they cause a scene in public it’s an automatic win.
Even if you see it from a mile away, sometimes kids just need to fall on their ass. (Figuratively)
Our daughter is always tormenting the family cat. While it’s all in good nature, she can be overwhelming. We’ve warned her a zillion times to leave the cat alone or he is going to scratch. Normally we would separate the two once it becomes excessive, but not anymore.
Sure, we’ll intervene if anyone is in danger but now the cat is free to give a little scratch in defense. A couple scratches later, Little Miss knows to be gentle or face the wrath of kitty.
Parent first, be a buddy after. You’re the parent. It’s your given right to say no. This is the closest you will ever to be to controlling another human, have some fun.
I’m kidding… sort of.
Kids need to hear that special two letter word once in a while. Flex your parenting muscles and don’t be afraid to smack down the no hammer. Be tough, but fair.
Don’t say no just for the hell of it… unless it’s funny.
This has been a guest post by Chris Bourret. Chris lives in Alberta, Canada with his wife and daughter (Soon to be two!). His fondest memory growing up in Canada is how his mom would warm his toque every morning in the oven before riding his pet polar bear to school. Cable guy by day, blogger by night, Chris spends his free time blogging about practical advice about fatherhood at Cleverfather.com
“Como cualquier padre, mi esposo y yo hacemos lo mejor que podemos, nos aguantamos la respiración, y esperamos haber ahorrado suficiente dinero para pagar la terapia de nuestros hijos.”
~ Michelle Pfeiffer
Michelle Pfeiffer dice la verdad. No existe el padre perfecto. Lo único que podemos hacer es tratar de hacer lo mejor que podemos y aprender de nuestros errores. Evita los errores que pongo a continuación y estarás en camino de ser ¡un padre genial!
Promesas falsas – Buenas o malas
Mi dicho favorito cuando se trata de ser padre dice: “Di lo que sientes, y siente lo que dices”.
No prometas nada que no tengas la intención de cumplir. Esto se aplica a premios igual que a castigos. Si tú amenazas con tirar todos los juguetes tirados en el piso en la basura si no los recogen, más te vale que estés preparado a verdaderamente hacerlo. O al menos fingir hacerlo. Agarra una bolsa de basura y comienza a llenarla. Haz tanto como sea necesario para hacerte entender. Tus hijos sabrán que hablas en serio cuando la bolsa de basura con sus juguetes favoritos esté en la banqueta esperando a ser recogida. De la misma manera, si tú les prometes helado si se acaban las verduras, no se lo niegues una vez que hayan conseguido atragantarse con todo el brócoli que les quedaba.
Falta de disciplina en público
Todos lo hemos visto. Cuando Juanito esperando en la fila de la registradora en el supermercado divisa la sección con todas las barras de chocolate. Veloz como un rayo Juanito se alista y amenaza a todos aquellos dentro de un radio de 10 pies con la madre de todos los berrinches. Pero esta no es la primera vez que Juanito hace esto. El ha ganado este juego anteriormente. El sabe que tarde o temprano su mamá o papá se darán por vencidos y premiarán su actuación con delicioso chocolate.
Nunca premies el mal comportamiento. Tú solamente lo estarás haciendo por el bienestar de otros. Yo no tengo ningún problema escuchando a un niño haciendo berrinche si eso significa que se le está enseñando una lección. Los niños son listos, ellos saben que si causan una escena en público es ganancia automática.
Aún si lo ves venir a una milla de distancia, algunas veces, los niños simplemente necesitan darse un porrazo en el trasero (Figurativamente).
Nuestra hija siempre está atormentando a nuestro gato. Mientras que no es con malicia, ella puede ser bastante abrumadora. Nosotros le hemos advertido montones de veces que debe dejar al gato en paz o va a terminar arañada. Normalmente separamos a los una vez que el abuso se vuelve excesivo, pero ya no más.
Seguro, vamos a intervenir si vemos que alguno de los dos está en peligro pero ahora el gato está en libertad de arañar si necesita defenderse. Un par de arañazos más tarde, y mi señorita ahora sabe que debe ser gentil con el gato o se las verá con furia gatuna.
Se padre primero y después un amigo. Tú eres el padre. Es tu derecho natural el decir que no. Esto es lo más cerca que te encontrarás en ser capaz de controlar a otro ser humano, aprovéchalo y diviértete.
Es broma….un poco.
Los niños necesitan escuchar esa palabra especial de dos letras de vez en cuando. Estrecha tus músculos paternales y no tengas miedo de dar el gran martillazo del no. Pero se justo.
No digas que no simplemente por gusto… a menos de que sea divertido.
Este ha sido un artículo del escritor invitado Chris Bourret. Chris vive en Alberta, Canadá con su esposa y su hija (¡pero próximamente serán dos!). Su más preciado recuerdo viviendo en Canadá es de cuando era chico y cada mañana su mamá le calentaba su gorro en el horno antes de salir montado en su oso polar, que tenía como mascota, con rumbo a la escuela. Chris de día trabaja en el Cable, de noche escribe en su blog sobre consejos prácticos de ser papá en Cleverfather.com





If my kid pulls a Supermarket-Tantrum on me I will either ignore him or get out of the place (at least until he relaxes). You’re right about giving in, which is something we shouldn’t do just because people are watching and giving us the stink eyes, but I also don’t often yell at him in public. That might be just because I’m more aware of my actions in public, and if anything, it should teach me to yell less when it’s just me and him at home.
We had a similar situation at a restaurant. Little Miss was throwing a tantrum for some trivial reason. She wouldn’t settle down so the wife and I took shifts with her sitting in the car. We weren’t about to give in or reward just to calm her down. It was a pain in the ass, but hopefully a lesson learned!
Good post there, Chris. Try as we may, often fall short on the promises department. I’m too young to have “senior moments” but sometimes we make promises we don’t remember.
As for public tantrums, one way I deal with it is, before going out in public, I talk with the little ones before we step out of the house or step out of the car. If it’s the supermarket, I make sure I tell them ahead of time that we are only shopping for this and that, nothing else. That seems to keep the tantrums from happening. And if it does happen, I kneel down to their level and calmly remind them of our talk in the car/house.
Knowing that it happens is half the battle. Being open to self-conviction is the other. Thanks!
I’m not a strict dad, but when it comes to rewarding negative behavior I try to avoid it as much as possible. No chocolate for my kids just to shut them up when they are being bad.
However, my daughter loves pink milk. So when she is a good girl she gets a cup of pink milk and she is over the moon!