7 Magic Words to Halt Whiners in Their Tracks
By: Dennis Yu
A guest post by Dennis Yu
“So what can we do about it?”
Use those 7 magic words whenever you hear unproductive complaining. A little complaining here and there is not such a bad thing as it can be a nice way to vent when you really need to blow off steam. But some people complain excessively. They halt all productivity within themselves, and they spill over and disrupt everyone around them. It’s up to you to either validate them or help them move towards a solution.
By asking them what they can do about the situation, you’re trying to get them to think of solutions versus allowing them to continue unproductively lamenting about everything that’s wrong. It’s too easy for people to list all the reasons life has conspired against them – to go on in righteous indignation. Right or not, the hard part is actually doing something about it.
Perhaps you’re catching yourself stuck in a complainer’s loop. Ask yourself…
“So what can I do about it?”
This is an especially effective technique in the workplace. In our start-up, BlitzLocal, we have big goals and not a lot of resources. Our corporate vision to help small businesses get more business from the Internet is aggressive; it’s understandable that not everything goes as planned. Maybe someone is late for their part of a project, a deadline is tight, someone feels mistreated by another team member, someone is sick today; the list of possible obstructions is endless.
If your piece is not going well, it’s easy to blame others as a cover or to invent one of many plausible, even defensible, excuses. But none of those tactics helps the bottom line. Only deliberate positive action is going to improve the situation at hand. No amount of complaining is going to fix the leaky faucet, only a wrench and a little elbow grease.
So try those magic words sometime when you catch a loved one or co-worker getting stuck in a rut.
“So what can we do about it?”
Taking action increases your responsibility, your sense of power and your level of control over your environment. Doing something when our natural inclination is to sit and complain helps move us beyond our initial stage of frustration and venting, and it stretches our intellect. Complaining, no matter how good it feels, removes personal responsibility and neglects our intellectual muscle. We have control over more of our environment than we give ourselves credit for. We grow each time we reach out to affect change.
So what will you do about this?
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I like the image selection– makes a big difference!
When things are good there is nothing to change but true growth comes with adversity IF we are up for the lesson. I’m as guilty as anyone for complaining and must constantly remind myself to be grateful for all that is good and even that which is not because it is opportunity for change. Thanks for the reminder Dennis.
Mom: That’s perfectly put. Sometimes we get complacent and stale when we think everything is good. Adversity can bring out both the best and the worst in us.
I have 8 kids and I agree that complaining can be attributed to a lack of accountability, personal responsibility or even laziness. However, sometimes complaining is due to someone else’s unwillingness to take responsibility, explain things well or laziness. For instance, if I have a chore list and 5 of my kids accomplish their chores and 3 don’t.. then I don’t think the 5 who did what they are supposed to should just sit back and say nothing. I think they have every right to complain that the other 3 did not do their job and see to it that mom is aware so she can “do something” to get the other 3 to “do something” and sometimes what mom needs to do is make her instructions clearer to the 3 who did not accomplish what was expected of them.